Kicking her out for a tattoo

[Potterhead113]

My friend is 19 and at uni, she recently got a tattoo to cover up self harm scars on her leg. It is very well done and tasteful and paid for half by her student loan and half by her own savings from work. Her parents have no refused to help her financially (her loan doesn't fully cover rent as they earn too much) her rent is now due and she cannot pay and the uni bursary won't give her any loans because her parents have money and she's looking at being kicked out with no where to live. They said she looks awful and they hate it and will only pay for her if she gets laser which she will have to pay for herself.

ATBU in this situation by not paying her or is it fine seeing as she is 19 and they have no real responsibility over her?

I'm a bit confused . Is there a rule book I haven't read which demands that part of entering the adult world means there is zero compassion and zero room for error ?

As a parent I would help her out no matter what, as self harm scars indicate a difficult time in her life. Designer handbags & nice shoes are a different thing however but this obviously correlates to her wellbeing I’m I’m all in for that :)

They're well within their rights to hate it, and to not give her any money towards it.

It's a tough way to learn a life lesson, but maybe she will learn not to blow all her money before she's paid for her essentials.

I don't think the point here is that she got a tattoo, the point is she wasted her student loan on something she didn't need, and now cannot afford her rent.

A student loan is not her money. You do realise that yes?

I'm with other posters. You piss the family off they stop funding you. Tattoos, binge drinking, becoming lap dancer, being rude to family members etc etc etc are all potential grounds for being told to grow up and find a different bank to fund you.

We can all do whatever the hell we like but at some point there will be consequences. Your friend now has to deal with the consequences.

The responses on this thread make me think a lot of people are assholes.

Would her parents have suddenly decided to stop paying her rent if she'd had a couple of heavy nights out or bought herself some new clothes? Would you be saying it's all her own fault then?

£120 is a relatively small amount of money and she wasn't being unreasonable to buy herself something nice and within her means, given that she had a financial arrangement in place with her parents. The fact is that they have now pulled out of that arrangement and left her in a very difficult situation, which could affect her for many years to come. Ie. Poor credit score leaving. Her unable to get a mortgage or rent a home, potentially in debt for a long time, possibly having to give up her education.

Her parents are being awful IMO but will hopefully calm down and realise this. In the mean time, the university will have a hardship fund and she needs to seek advice from student services asap.

Your friend shouldn't have got the tattoos done with money she needed for her rent without asking her parents if they were willing to pay the rent instead.

RTF.

It's not hard to understand.

She used tax payers money that is supposed to prevent situations like this on a tattoo.

What are you on about? It's a student loan... from a company called student finance england... which you have to pay back. If you got out a bank loan tomorrow I wouldn't tell you what to spend it on!

The tattoo seems quite expensive.

No it's cheap. If you are paying that little for a big tattoo the artist is probably crap.

Maybe her parents feel she has made it difficult for work purposes and really don't feel like putting effort in in their own work to see her damage her chances work wise

The tattoo is on her thigh. AFAIK employers don't insist on thigh inspections prior to offering someone a position.

Why did she tell them about it?

I'm with other posters. You piss the family off they stop funding you. Tattoos, binge drinking, becoming lap dancer, being rude to family members etc etc etc are all potential grounds for being told to grow up and find a different bank to fund you.

Only if you are a complete cunt or maybe a sociopath.

A student loan is not her money

How do you come to that conclusion?

Maybe her parents feel she has made it difficult for work purposes and really don't feel like putting effort in in their own work to see her damage her chances work wise

Some people take gigantic leaps to try to justify arsehole behaviour don't they? It's on her thigh, not her face. Why will her future employers see her uncovered thigh?

I think the basic facts need restating:

This student has parents who earn too much for her to get fully funded.

Her parents agreed that the sensible way to assist her through uni was to pay her rent, and allow her to use her earnings from previous work and her loan for her living expenses.

The arrangement was thus that she could choose how to spend the loan and savings, safe in the knowledge that the rent was covered.

She chose to spend £120 of her own money on a tattoo to cover up self-harm scars from a time when she was diagnosed with a mental illness.

Her parents hate the tattoo so much they are now saying they are reneging on the agreement to pay her rent and she cannot come home for Christmas. The only way they will allow her back in their lives and to resume financial help is if she has the tattoo removed via laser treatment, at her own expense.

In short: her parents agreed to pay the money the state assumes they will, when calculating entitlement to student finance. This student chose to budget her money so she could afford a tattoo to cover up scarring, and her parents flipped out so much they are now refusing to help with the money previously agreed.

I think offering practical advice on a way out of this jam is really helpful. Shrieking hysterical tripe over her absolute entitled brattishness because she chose a tattoo for her own body, and happened to suffer mental illness as an adolescent, not so much.

The tat is extremely cheap. Mine was 350 for a large one. People spend more on clothes and tattoos last forever.

She used tax payers money that is supposed to prevent situations like this on a tattoo.

I have 8 tattoos and get tax credits. I'm such an arse.

But lets put it into perspective. She spent £60 of it on a tattoo.

It's on her thigh, not her face. Why will her future employers see her uncovered thigh?

If her parents want to force her to work in a field where her uncovered thigh would be visible then they're going the right way about it.

They are totally over reacting. If she had spent thousands of their money that was meant for uni on the tattoo then they would be right imo but that is not the case here.

They obviously want to control her. To say she's not welcome at Xmas is awful. I hope they will calm down soon.

And that from someone who is not a fan of tattoos.

She used tax payers money

Where on earth do some people get their information

SFE is a private company which makes a huge profit from fleecing providing loans to students, which they pay back at inflated rates when they're earning over a certain amount.

Please explain how this is 'tax payers money'?

A student loan is not her money. You do realise that yes?

A loan is not a grant. You do realise that yes?

Her parents are being absolutely ridiculous

I thought parents HAD to support their kids at uni if their income is taken into account? Or am I entirely wrong

It's not that it will affect her work chances - but her parents perception that it might. The two things are different.

Ive known parents refuse to have children back after uni.

I thought parents HAD to support their kids at uni if their income is taken into account? Or am I entirely wrong

Unfortunately you're wrong. The income is taken into account, but the child has no means of enforcing payment. They can claim full parental estrangement, but they have to evidence several years of fully independent living unless they are a mature student, or a student parent.