Kicking her out for a tattoo

[Potterhead113]

My friend is 19 and at uni, she recently got a tattoo to cover up self harm scars on her leg. It is very well done and tasteful and paid for half by her student loan and half by her own savings from work. Her parents have no refused to help her financially (her loan doesn't fully cover rent as they earn too much) her rent is now due and she cannot pay and the uni bursary won't give her any loans because her parents have money and she's looking at being kicked out with no where to live. They said she looks awful and they hate it and will only pay for her if she gets laser which she will have to pay for herself.

ATBU in this situation by not paying her or is it fine seeing as she is 19 and they have no real responsibility over her?

And not only did she not blow her student loan on her tattoo, half of it was paid by her earnings.

I think people might be misunderstanding what was said in the OP She paid for it with half her student loan. It wasn't half her student loan! It means 50/50 student loan and savings. The ACTUAL EXPENDITURE FROM THE LOAN WAS ONLY £60! It's clearly not about the money!!

I was Sixth Form teacher until early retirement. It is not uncommon for parents to tell child they will not/cannot afford to contribute even though means test means their child won't get student loan. This girl will need to do more part time work and find somewhere to spend Xmas.

I mean FFS that's seriously not even half a night out in fresher's week!

But there are two camps here, as there always are.

You don't know how much the promise for rent was.
Looking at cheap uni housing.mum says .."ill give you something for your rent"
Student hears "ill pay your rent"
Student gets expensive housing. "How much says mum? " we never agreed to that....

Is that your idea for a short story Headofthehive55 ? Maybe start your own thread if you want some feedback on it? It sounds pretty rubbish to me though.

To be honest they're both in the wrong. I mean...if she knew what he parents opinion on tattoos was then she should've either A: saved up a bit longer as it is now heading into winter months so her thighs will be covered anyway. B: if she really couldn't live with seeing them herself then get the tattoo but not tell her parents until further down the line and say she saved up or something. Not saying either option is right but she did know they didn't like tattoos and that she is basically still being paid for and supported by them.

Yes her parents sound like they're overreacting a bit but it's their money and they don't legally have to support her. Maybe they decided that if she is adult enough to get a tattoo she is adult enough to support herself? Harsh yes but they don't HAVE to support her at all.

So now she either needs to find a way of qualifying for extra help as an individual. Or she needs to drop out and get a job and sort herself out until she can come back. I am 29 married and have 2 kids and have just started uni part time myself so it's never too late if it comes to the worst and she does have to drop out. Hopefully her parents will calm down with time and they'll come to an understanding but if not then fingers crossed she sorts something out.

Wow....Do some of the people on here even read the stories properly before they comment? If I've read it correctly
It was £120.
Her rent is £2,400 per term.
It was to cover up self-harm scars.
Her parents don't want her home for Christmas.
Whilst some people might see the cost of the tattoo as unnecessary, I'd be funding a cover-up if she was my daughter, not berating her for spending 5% of her rent money on it.
And, as for suggesting she moves back in with her parents for acting 'like a child,' they're not letting her come home for Christmas, so moving back in is pretty bloody unlikely!
Her parents sound vile. Hardly any young people sail through life behaving like paragons of virtue, but loving parents don't abandon them.

Maybe she belongs to a religion that doesn't accept tattoos?
Maybe her parents feel she has made it difficult for work purposes and really don't feel like putting effort in in their own work to see her damage her chances work wise? And so make that choice not to do extra at their work to give her money.

The tattoo seems quite expensive. I recently got a tattoo for the same reason - i’m 57 and when i was young, self-harm wasn’t even recognised, let alone talked ahout but mine only cost about £50. I understand why she didn’t want to look at it any more. The fact that she was self-harming speaks volumes about her relationship with her family and why they are refusing to help her financially. Whether tgeir attitude is right - as most posters seem to feel - or not, she may as well not count on any further help from them. Sounds like they are done with each other.

What kind of work might she be looking to get into where a tattoo on her thigh is conceivably ever going to be a problem, I wonder?

Anyway this will just go round in circles.

Not rtft, but I was in a similarish situation. Had just graduated from uni and my parents were still paying my rent as still only had part time work.

I went and got 2 tattoos, (little ones on my ankles) and my parents went mental. Told me that if I could afford tattoos then I could afford to pay my own way. Obviosuly I had no bidget for rent cos I has assumed it would be paid, as per agreement.

Luckily my brother was my landlord at the time, and agreed to lower the rent for a few months so I could pay it.

But yeah on hindsight I was blindisded a bit by the agreed payment not happening on short notice, but understand now that if you are financially dependant on someone, they have a say in any big purchases. My parents hate tattoos so this was deemed completely unacceptable.

Since then ive been financially independant (and got some more tattoos)

So, if the tattoo was £120 and she paid half of that with money she’d worked for, then she only dipped into £60 of her student loan. Maybe she should have waited until she’d earned the £60, but given the reason for the tattoo she felt she couldn’t wait. The parents had already agreed to pay her rent, but they obviously hate tattoos, so they are using that leverage to give her an ultimatum - find hundreds for laser removal and live with scars that presumably she wants to forget or they make her homeless. They are being unreasonable and controlling, and I feel sorry for the girl.

So, are these the facts?

Student has loan and own savings. She uses £60 from each to pay for a tattoo to cover her self harm scars. Parents hate tattoos so much that they then refuse to pay £2400 rent, and tell her not to come home for Xmas.

If these are the facts, then her parents are total shits IMO.

Sometimes when I read the shite that people post on threads like this, I think the average reading age must be around 5 and the average mental age around 86.

I am shocked by some of the down right insensitive and rude comments on this thread regarding self harm.

Oh Dear God, where to start. First of all, this self absorbed cutting thing... How many kids these days love this view of themselves as tragic,consumptive poets types languishing in their pain of... living in the 21st century, with all the benefits that provides?? Gothically wallowing in made up pain, so self absorbed, and take themselves SO seriously... so, your Queen of Tragedy gets a tattoo, and blows her student loan on it, then expects Ma&Pa to stump up the cash for rent??? Let her live on the street... it may make her grow up.

Please tell me you don't have any children.

even if she leaves uni she has to pay for that room for the rest of the year
And?
She gets a job and sets up repayment via installments of what she can afford.
Or she just refuses to pay it and disputes it based on the reasons she had to leave uni in the first place.

As for the tattoo, maybe it's true she got it to cover her self harm scars - have you actually seen them with your own eyes by the way? Otherwise you've just got her word for it.
Sheknew her parents disapproved of tattoos, but still she TOLD them/showed them - what the fuck did she do that for?

She had the option of getting henna tattoos, they are temporary, cheaper, painless and cover scars just as well.
All she would have to do is spend a few quid on a box of henna and then top up her tattoo herself every few weeks............and she could have avoided this whole drama!

I knew i'd be controlled and limited in personal freedom if i allowed my parents to fund me at uni - so i didn't go.
I got a job, moved out and funded my own education via part time evening study. I too was 19 at the time.

She's an adult. She understands the dynamics within her own family. She needs to act like an adult and take responsibility for her own life instead of relying on people she can't really trust.

Sometimes when I read the shite that people post on threads like this, I think the average reading age must be around 5 and the average mental age around 86.

Threads such as this explain the election of Donald Trump.

Sounds as if she would have had reason to expect help from her parents with rent if the circumstances had been different. We all have to let go of our children -and when they go to Uni is a good time. Doesn't stop them needing our support. Sad that her parents can't see this as a move away from the problems that caused her to self harm.
If they can't let go and insist on being controlling she may have to find another path.

I think her parents sound very controlling and stressful to live with. Why was she self harming op? Sounds like she may have had a nightmare upbringing with parents that judgmental.
If it was my dd could be very positive about covering up self harm scars with tattoos... it's a lovely idea. I'd pay for the tat myself but then I love them.

Agreed sleeponeday

And yes, I think the horrible posts about someone who obviously was trying to cope with a great deal of inner turmoil are vile and well out of order (Objectively 'real' or not, a person's perceived turmoil is still absolutely real to them!).