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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to complain about a delivery driver using sexist language?

152 replies

mouserat · 14/10/2017 20:49

Earlier tonight I ordered food from a local branch of a national pizza company and the delivery driver who brought it twice referred to me as 'sweetheart'.
I am from the north of England and people (especially older people) referring to a stranger as 'pet' is a very common colloquialism where I live, but 'sweetheart' is not. Also he was not an older man who might have used something like that as part of his general speech pattern, he was probably in his late teens to at most 20-21. And he said it in a really condescending tone.

My first thought was that this was inappropriate and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man) language and shouldn't go unchallenged, but when I came to write an email of complaint to the company I started to wonder if I was being ridiculous and blowing things out of proportion. I'm not expecting an apology or anything from them, I'd just like someone to have a word with him about his language when speaking to female customers. Would it be unreasonable to make a complaint?

OP posts:
TubeOyster1 · 15/10/2017 09:37

This kind of parlance irritates me but I wouldn't complain about it.

I was recently on the phone to a contractor about a fault at work, and informed him that should the situation change, I would let him know.

"I think you are a good girl and think I can trust you," he replied. Hmm

I am almost 40. I STILL didn't complain because in my industry men outnumber women 3 to one and it would result in a year long protracted case and I wouldn't be told what the outcome was at the end of it. Angry

I thought those days were behind us but they really are not.

Trueheart1 · 15/10/2017 09:40

I am a woman and I call men and women sweetheart all the time. It did not occur to me that it could be offensive.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 15/10/2017 09:45

MilfordFound. So they still say 'my lover' down in deepest Devon?

I've never forgotten my dad's face when he drove me down to university, and we went for a pub lunch. The woman serving him called him 'my lover', leaving him Blush.

And my next door neighbour in halls thought it was hilarious when he heard someone knocking on my door before 7 in the morning with the immortal line: "Oi've got your new mattress, my lover."

Equal opportunities, see. Both sexes, and a variety of ages, got called 'my lover'.

thewooster · 15/10/2017 09:48

Being called sweetheart, love etc doesn't bother me. Woman at the tills said '£5.50 please darling' to my DH yesterday.

I know where you are coming from OP, but don't think he said it to belittle you. Now if he called a woman a bird, that would piss me right off.

rwalker · 15/10/2017 09:51

wouldn't bother shit job ,shit money, abusive from customers why not turn the knife and get him blocked as well

permatiredmum · 15/10/2017 09:53

I think you should have politely said something to him if he offended you not ring up the business who are busy taking orders on the line and will unlikwy even remember by the end of the shift. Also I think that the drivers are nearly always self employed

RacingRaccoons · 15/10/2017 09:57

I call everyone sweetheart myself! And my closest male friend calls everyone ‘love’ or ‘pet’. It’s not us being sexist, it’s just a way to talk 😂

CakesRUs · 15/10/2017 10:45

As a woman, I call men and women, sweetheart. I've said recently, that sounds so patronising, but it's intent is a term of endearment. It's just what I grew up around.

RosieBucket · 15/10/2017 10:46

So they still say 'my lover' down in deepest Devon?

Yeah, I got called it in Trago Mills last week, and I'm from Leeds.
I've never even met her before so I'm not her lover. But I managed to translate it in my head to flower. Which is what it would have been in West Yorkshire.

feral · 15/10/2017 10:46

OP you really need to get out more if this gets you in a tizzy. Honestly.

Cakebaby123 · 15/10/2017 10:49

YABVUR don't be so silly. If he'd called you something like 'cow' or 'bitch' then YES complain.. But 'sweetheart'?! Get over yourself FGS

Ginosaji · 15/10/2017 11:10

Did you order anything dessert to go with your pizza? Just incase you didn't have these BiscuitBiscuitBiscuit

JonSnowsWife · 15/10/2017 11:11

I am from the north of England and people (especially older people) referring to a stranger as 'pet' is a very common colloquialism where I live, but 'sweetheart' is not

I'm from the north. I have also been called sweetheart. I've also been called a hell of a lot worse. Grin

Can't say it's something I'd get het up about either.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/10/2017 11:14

People can call me anything they want as long as it aint, cunt, bitch, whore, cow or other various words similar.

Those words do come up at work, directed at me and my colleagues. I've also been called, love, sweetheart, darling.

I wouldnt get het up over sweetheart.

deadringer · 15/10/2017 11:18

If you felt so strongly about it you should have asked him too stop calling you sweetheart, but to complain to his company about such a minor thing is way Ott. Yabu

Hunkle · 15/10/2017 11:19

I call people mate a lot as well. I cant help it.

I think it sounds odd not to add a little name on the end. I cant be doom and gloom all the time.

Heres your pizza.

Heres your pizza, sweetheart.

I love it.

Rachie1973 · 15/10/2017 11:25

I'm a southerner with a Yorkshire family so 'pet' is commonly used, but mixed in with the more southern 'Sweetheart' and 'Darling'.

I don't think I even realise I do it most of the time.

lollipop7 · 15/10/2017 11:27

I actually think this is a Daily Fail "journalist" who has started this for a wind up.

LivingInLaLaLand · 15/10/2017 11:38

I am from the north of England and people (especially older people) referring to a stranger as 'pet' is a very common colloquialism where I live, but 'sweetheart' is not

Did you live under a rock up north 😐 it's very much a common colloquialism in the several bits of the north that I grew up in & visit regularly.

Sorry, but this is stupid, you really need to get over yourself, unless there was much more to this incident, this makes you sound a bit nuts TBH

Arealhumanbeing · 15/10/2017 11:42

YANBU

He used a patronising tone and your instincts told you he wasn’t being entirely friendly. I don’t mind being called love etc but I know when it’s from the heart and when I’m supposed to feel like shit.

Sometimes men do this to women. It is called a micro aggression.

lljkk · 15/10/2017 11:58

BS.
If a woman says it to a man is it also "microaggression"?

MN = The Land of the Professionally Offended.

titchy · 15/10/2017 12:11

Only complain if you like saliva as one of your toppings.

Freddiesfling · 15/10/2017 12:12

Talking of regional pet names/ phrases I'm from the South Wales valleys and when I went to a Midlands university I got talking to a bloke and his friends casually on my first day and said " are you alright Butt!"to one of them..He promptly stood up extremely offended as he thought I had called him an "arse"... I was mortified.. luckily one of his friends who was also Welsh explained it was just a harmless phrase and he calmed down... his friends thought it was hysterical!

MilfordFound · 15/10/2017 18:01

matildatoldsuchdreadfullies haha yes they do, I think the afflicted areas include Dorset and possibly Somerset too.

'Where's it to?' is another Westcountry saying that I didn't realise was regional until I left the region Smile

PesoisaTool · 15/10/2017 18:03

If this is all you have to worry about.....