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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to complain about a delivery driver using sexist language?

152 replies

mouserat · 14/10/2017 20:49

Earlier tonight I ordered food from a local branch of a national pizza company and the delivery driver who brought it twice referred to me as 'sweetheart'.
I am from the north of England and people (especially older people) referring to a stranger as 'pet' is a very common colloquialism where I live, but 'sweetheart' is not. Also he was not an older man who might have used something like that as part of his general speech pattern, he was probably in his late teens to at most 20-21. And he said it in a really condescending tone.

My first thought was that this was inappropriate and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man) language and shouldn't go unchallenged, but when I came to write an email of complaint to the company I started to wonder if I was being ridiculous and blowing things out of proportion. I'm not expecting an apology or anything from them, I'd just like someone to have a word with him about his language when speaking to female customers. Would it be unreasonable to make a complaint?

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 15/10/2017 02:16

No, she isn't.

ArseHair · 15/10/2017 02:18

Just be thankful he didn't call you a cunt like they do round these parts.

coconuttella · 15/10/2017 04:13

It's sexist and you would not be unreasonable to mention it. I'm sure 99% of responses are along the lines of "get over it!!!!!!" but a man would never have to "get over it" because it wouldn't happen to a man.

Hmm Men get called pet, sweetheart, love etc too, generally by women of a certain age... I'm pretty sure of none of them are worried. They're harmless terms of endearment. This kind of bitter over-reaction doesn't help the feminist cause.

coconuttella · 15/10/2017 04:16

I'd take just not being sexually assaulted, raped or murdered by men for being female as a start, thanks.

So 99% of men are ok then.

Hunkle · 15/10/2017 04:51

I say it all the time Grin to men mostly.

I probably sound like the Nana, in Catherine Tates sketch.

Hunkle · 15/10/2017 04:52

Oh and darling, and love.

And I say bollocks a lot.

I dont care though.

Timefortea99 · 15/10/2017 04:53

Seriously? You would complain? You are massively overreacting.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2017 04:58

Yawn

BeerBaby · 15/10/2017 05:01

Very common to call someone "sweetheart" from where I'm from. It's hardly derogatory.

BeerBaby · 15/10/2017 05:03

And it happens to both sexes! Anyone can be a "sweetheart". It's not gender specific therefore not sexist.

Welwyncitydweller · 15/10/2017 05:22

I use these type of words all the time for both males and females and it’s just borne out of friendliness and if I know them well, affection. I’m not stopping.

ImogenTubbs · 15/10/2017 05:31

OP - that would annoy me too, but I'd probably leave it unless they were being inappropriate in other ways.

That said, I did once complain in a busy cafe Nero - the barista was calling all the men "Sir" and the women "Darling". I called the guy on it and I think he was a bit shocked - just thought he was being friendly, but it really threw me!

shakingmyhead1 · 15/10/2017 06:40

here you are "Sweetheart"

AIBU to complain about a delivery driver using sexist language?
shakingmyhead1 · 15/10/2017 06:42

ImogenTubbs did he call you Sir after that?

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 15/10/2017 07:21

Make your own pizza

Pengggwn · 15/10/2017 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillBrysonsBeard · 15/10/2017 08:11

I love being called sweetheart GrinI think you need to stop being so sensitive or life will annoy you daily..

Argeles · 15/10/2017 08:22

In the area of London I live in, take away delivery drivers seem to say nothing - absolute fuck all, or just grunt ‘take away.’

It’d be a joy to be called sweetheart, babe, darlin’ etc, as was the case in the area of London I originate from.

StickThatInYourPipe · 15/10/2017 08:31

It's sexist and you would not be unreasonable to mention it. I'm sure 99% of responses are along the lines of "get over it!!!!!!" but a man would never have to "get over it" because it wouldn't happen to a man

What are you talking about? Men get called sweetheart, love, babe etc all the time! Why would you think that this wouldn't happen to a man?

There are real reasons for feminism in this world, serious reasons and then there are these stupid over the top people (becuase the 'oh look how aware I am men' are exactly the same) who cling to mysogony like a crutch waiting to shout it out at people for the most inane reasons where it simply is not there.

picklemepopcorn · 15/10/2017 08:37

Sweetheart is the female version of 'mate'. He'd hand it to a bloke saying 'alright, mate?' And to a woman saying 'alright, sweetheart?' It is gendered but nor sexist.

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 15/10/2017 08:40

How about replying

'Thanks sweetheart' or 'thanks cutie'.

I work in retail and get called 'pet' 'love' and so on on a daily basis. By men and women. I didn't get called that when I used to work in a professional job. It's odd because people are trying to be friendly but I find it uncomfortable.

MoodyOne · 15/10/2017 08:43

I call men ‘sweetheart’ and women ‘darling’ it’s no way sexist it’s just something we say...

OliviaStabler · 15/10/2017 08:44

I started to wonder if I was being ridiculous and blowing things out of proportion.

You are.

If you do complain, I wouldn't order pizza from them again Grin

bonfireheart · 15/10/2017 09:25

I do wonder though if you ring the pizza place and it all gets lost in "translation" and they assume he did something much worse to you. They then sack him and you've just messed his job up coz he had the audacity to be nice.

TheCatsMother99 · 15/10/2017 09:36

What?! I'd be mildly irritated by it but then eat my pizza and move on with my life.