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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to complain about a delivery driver using sexist language?

152 replies

mouserat · 14/10/2017 20:49

Earlier tonight I ordered food from a local branch of a national pizza company and the delivery driver who brought it twice referred to me as 'sweetheart'.
I am from the north of England and people (especially older people) referring to a stranger as 'pet' is a very common colloquialism where I live, but 'sweetheart' is not. Also he was not an older man who might have used something like that as part of his general speech pattern, he was probably in his late teens to at most 20-21. And he said it in a really condescending tone.

My first thought was that this was inappropriate and sexist (he wouldn't have said it to a man) language and shouldn't go unchallenged, but when I came to write an email of complaint to the company I started to wonder if I was being ridiculous and blowing things out of proportion. I'm not expecting an apology or anything from them, I'd just like someone to have a word with him about his language when speaking to female customers. Would it be unreasonable to make a complaint?

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 14/10/2017 22:01

I was recently called sweetheart and then honey several times by a bloke showing me the car I had just bought. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

There is so much more to attitude than someone's choice of word.

greendale17 · 14/10/2017 22:01

You are fine with being called pet but not sweetheart?

This must be fakex

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 14/10/2017 22:02

Was the pizza nice though? I can't get too het up about it either...

RoboticSealpup · 14/10/2017 22:04

You need to pick your battles in life.

isadoradancing123 · 14/10/2017 22:05

Oh for fucks sake, eat the bloody pizza, and stop being ridiculous

Scabetty · 14/10/2017 22:06

You should have said to him that you didn't like being called sweetheart. To complain is petty.

catbas · 14/10/2017 22:07

Yes good idea get him sacked for it down with the patriarchy etc etc Hmm

WitchesHatRim · 14/10/2017 22:08

It's a microaggression

Ok Hmm

Let it go OP. Can't get het up about it tbh.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 14/10/2017 22:10

Poor kid. Wouldn't your time be better spent complaining about Donald Trump or Harvey Weinstein than the mild language choices of a minimum wage delivery person probably just trying his best at his thankless task?

NotACleverName · 14/10/2017 22:30

U ok hun?

ineedamoreadultieradult · 14/10/2017 22:35

Leave him alone, he was being friendly whilst working nights probably for minimum wage he doesn't deserve complaining about.

TheDayIBroke · 14/10/2017 22:37

Just enjoy the pizza. He didn't call you his bitch or was derogatory, so I think you might need to unclench a little.

putdownyourphone · 14/10/2017 22:38

Dear lord - he meant no harm, he was being kind. It's in the very least bit 'sexist'. Move on and get a life.

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/10/2017 22:42

Ha ha. I had a delivery driver call me 'my love' today. He was definitely younger than me and yes it did annoy me slightly. Didn't say anything though. I would possibly challenge a work colleague, but not someone I'm unlikely to see again

But that's not overly sexist is it? I always though 'my love' was a non gender specific phrase. I hear it said to both men and women all the time!

knowsnowt · 14/10/2017 22:48

Could you really be bothered to complain? Get over yourself 😂

ThePinkOcelot · 14/10/2017 22:50

YABU. Off you trot to buy yourself a grip!

There was me thinking he must have called you a greedy bitch or something!

The professionally offended!

Freddiesfling · 14/10/2017 22:54

Can't believe anyone would get worked up about this... what is the world coming to If people start up bypass niceties and become robotic in their greetings in order Not to offend people. The poor man has obviously not been schooled in current acceptable etiquette whilst working hard antisocial hours for low pay... please get a grip!

Freddiesfling · 14/10/2017 22:55

Sorry bad typing # bypassing

Icanhearmynebioursshouting · 14/10/2017 23:13

Fuckinell lock your doors!

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2017 23:18

It's a microaggression - he needs to be called out on it.

It's a what?

Honest to god, with real misogyny and abuse going on in the world, I would think a genuine pleasantry is to be welcomed.

And that's what the term is. Like pet, and love, and meduck.

I despair, sometimes. I really do.

ParanoidBeryl · 14/10/2017 23:19

I think your moment has passed. At the time, I would have looked incredulous, possibly laughed, and said 'did you just call me sweetheart?'

I hate everyday sexist language (calling adult women in work 'girls' gives me the rage, and I called someone out the other day about referring to women's handbags - long story, not terribly interesting), but I think you need to call it at the time, even if it is done in a light-hearted and relatively non-confrontational way.

bonfireheart · 14/10/2017 23:19

Ring them and tell us how they laugh at you.

SezziBaybee · 14/10/2017 23:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Leeds2 · 14/10/2017 23:28

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

UsedtobeFeckless · 14/10/2017 23:28

Microagression Bollocks. I call everyone sweetheart, irrespective of age, gender, race, creed or colour ... l'm to lazy to remember who's who otherwise.

You need to chill out a bit - and l say that as a professional grumy feminist.