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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be fed up of sexual fetishists on here?

224 replies

brasty · 14/10/2017 12:56

So many threads at the moment that are obviously posters looking for wank fodder. Including disgustingly a fair number to do with children. So fed up of these. And so fed up of so many staying up for several days even though they are reported.

OP posts:
WineGummyBear · 14/10/2017 16:00

I've just literally clicked from this thread onto another thread asking everyone to dredge up and share teenage stories of sexual harassment.

Bloody hell. It's everywhere.

Original poster
brasty · 14/10/2017 16:02

Haven't seen that thread, but yes threads asking for wank fodder are everywhere. We used to get a few, but it so over the top now.

OP posts:
HadronCollider · 14/10/2017 16:03

When did I discuss your life??!

You placed women sharing painful experiences on a forum they know other women will have had similar experiences and thus provide understanding, in the same sentence as sharing stuff with a stranger at a bus stop. Now you've said MN is not the place to share such experiences and we should go elsewhere and share them. I don't think I have the problem.

But I will say to those who equate such things with 'oversharing' that MN has a hide button and you don't have to read them. I hide threads all the time. I don't go around telling people what they have the right to post or how they should post.

CockacidalManiac · 14/10/2017 16:04

I've just literally clicked from this thread onto another thread asking everyone to dredge up and share teenage stories of sexual harassment.

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Yes, it’s a danger that you become too cynical, but it’s important to protect yourself too.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 16:07

There’s three pages of it now, and the OP hasn’t returned. So why ask the question in the first place?

Yes in general I don't find gaps between postings weird - I know that normally I would have long gaps between reading/responding.

However this was presumably a question wanting a quick answer.

TheFirstMrsDV · 14/10/2017 16:08

They do it because they can.
They do it because they know MN (and NM and Mums Advice) are easily accessible forums .
They know that members are ready to share detailed, intimate information about themselves and their children.
They know MN is full of troll apologists. The ones that say 'I don't care if someone reading gets help', 'they must be poorly to do it so should be pitied' and 'no harm done, so what if they are getting off on it'

  1. People are posting less advice because they have been burned before.
  2. They are not poorly, no more poorly than your average sex pest
  3. it does matter because it encourages people looking for wank fodder to invade a space that was somewhere women could get advice.

Its all very well for people to be glib about it 'doing no harm'. Grooming goes on all the time on the internet. Women with children are targeted. If someone is willing to tell a stranger all about her 12 year olds underwear and periods its not a huge leap to think they would be naive enough to strike up a friendship with an unknown.

The bottom line is that MN was not set up to provide men with entertainment and material for the sexual fantasies. Yet here we are.

We didn't get here overnight. We got here because of the shouting down of evil troll hunters, the inexplicable willingness of intelligent adults to share information that their ten year olds would know better than to do and a big old dollop of 'I am soooo cool I will talk about taking it up the arse and being caught by the landlady because it might end up in classics.

Saucery · 14/10/2017 16:08

There is no harm in trying to raise awareness about who might be asking for your experiences or who might be specifically Googling them. If you then want to continue sharing all the details then that's fine.
What you don't have the right to do is shut down awareness raising by saying it's 'victim blaming' or 'silencing'.
What's the vested interest in ensuring that there are no warnings on this?

heateallthebuns · 14/10/2017 16:11

Is the swimming pool thread real do you think. I'm getting really suspicious of everything now.

CockacidalManiac · 14/10/2017 16:11

I agree entirely, TheFirstMrsDV

kmc1111 · 14/10/2017 16:13

It's certainly an issue. But I think some people are a little naive about what could be fodder for fetishists. There's not much here that wouldn't appeal to someone. It goes way beyond pants and bodily fluids.

A thread like this for example, filled with people talking about how disgusting and shameful and pathetic sexual trolls are...this will be a goldmine for a certain kind of person.

The threads where someone posts details of their sex life and a lot of people get pearl-clutchy...the latter will do just as much for some people as the former. In fact a lot of them are very clearly designed to get that exact negative reaction.

The threads where everyone piles on an OP's DH, saying how useless and spineless and totally shit he is...again, total wank fodder for people who get off on shame. Honestly AIBU in general is ideal for that. Post something where you're clearly in the wrong, and watch the well-crafted verbal humiliation roll in.

A lot of the threads about weight and food contain a ton of material for fat fetishists, feeders etc. Some of the 'can I fit in this ride/airplane seat' threads barely even pretend otherwise.

It's in the most spectacularly benign threads too. I've seen some painfully dull washing up bowl threads that at second glance were obviously designed to get people talking about rubber gloves.

It's seriously everywhere. Take away everything someone will get off on and you won't have much of a website left.

Mustang27 · 14/10/2017 16:13

I don’t think iv fallen for any Shock. I hope not anyway. God I despair.

Rachel0Greep · 14/10/2017 16:15

Well said MrsDV

Mollie85 · 14/10/2017 16:16

The first mrs DV- as usual you speak sense.

LittleAuk · 14/10/2017 16:19

Ah well. My thread was deleted about my dc at nursery. Sorry if anyone thought I was sat here wanking about it. I've been on MN for years, I've been torn to shreds on a couple of aibu threads I've started. Never been accused of being a fetishist though!

Thanks for that guys. I was just asking a question. I nc'd to post it as I've posted an awful lot of personal stuff under my usual name. It's funny, seeing some of the names of people accusing me of being a pervert are the same users that have genuinely helped me survive the last few months of my life.

I wasn't asking for personal experiences, I wasn't asking if it's normal behaviour. I simply asked if inappropriate was a weird way to describe it.

Original poster
brasty · 14/10/2017 16:20

Maybe you were genuine? But if you use sexual terms to describe a toddlers behavior, then people are going to think otherwise.

OP posts:
LittleAuk · 14/10/2017 16:23

So if I hadn't said the word motorboating and said 'shaking his head from side to side wobbling my thighs' would that have changed my of the responses I'd have got? Would I have had less to wank over?

CockacidalManiac · 14/10/2017 16:23

Ah well. My thread was deleted about my dc at nursery. Sorry if anyone thought I was sat here wanking about it. I've been on MN for years, I've been torn to shreds on a couple of aibu threads I've started. Never been accused of being a fetishist though!

It’s not the posters on here that deleted it.

Original poster
brasty · 14/10/2017 16:23

I have never seen a child asking to get picked up in that way.

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 14/10/2017 16:24

KMC I am not disagreeing that anything can be appealing to certain people.
There is a huge difference between someone getting off on everyday objects and someone getting off on hearing about a young girl's struggle with puberty.

We cannot avoid weirdos with rubber glove/flip flop/cotton wool/dog bowl fetishes.
We can avoid attracting tampon trolls who specialise in 14 year olds.

Someone upthread made a very good point. If a stranger approached you at a party asking for details on your child's underwear you would back right off.
If someone chatted about washing up you might think it dull but it probably wouldn't alarm you.

Original poster
brasty · 14/10/2017 16:24

And I am aware that some genuine posts may get wrongly deleted. But that is because there are so many trolls on here.

OP posts:
LittleAuk · 14/10/2017 16:26

If that's the case brasty then it must be fake. I've never seen Australia and remain unconvinced.

CheshireChat · 14/10/2017 16:27

Thing is there isn't a lot of places where women can discuss things like birth stories or about periods and shit like that and it's amazingly helpful sometimes to have somewhere like MN.

Obviously it's different to discuss your kids underwear so those threads should be deleted straight away.

Maybe have disclaimers on the SA threads? As it seems wrong to stop people discussing their experiences especially as it's sometimes not an option in RL.

And counselling services are often dire.

Saucery · 14/10/2017 16:29

I've seen toddlers ask to be picked up like that. Their parents didn't refer to in terms of an adult sexual act though.

TheFirstMrsDV · 14/10/2017 16:29

Little I doubt that everyone on here thought you were a pervert.
Your thread didn't set off massive alarm bells with me and I didn't know it had been deleted
The trouble is that with all that is going on I don't blame others for for thinking it was dodgy.
So yet another side effect of the troll invasion.

Worriedrose · 14/10/2017 16:29

The thread about sexual assaults was started by someone who was on the harvey Weinstein board, which has hundreds of us posting and we were talking about having a place where we could feel that we could highlight the severity of the amount of casual / non casual sexual assault goes on

It was not started in a bad way, it was meant to be empowering
It's now been taken over and people have been made to feel worse about sharing.
If you have a problem with a thread
REPORT IT
don't go weighing in on people, who it's taken huge courage for them to say something anonymously about their experiences

If mnhq feel the need to shut something down they should.

The sad thing about that thread, is it was supposed to be about awareness and showing how bloody much it happens to all of us and now it's just become a tit for tat thread