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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give this person a lift

249 replies

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 09:37

I am a home carer. It's shit.

I'm working with someone who doesn't drive tonight. They have messaged me with this:

Hi, I'm working wifh you tonight. I don't drive so can you pick me up please? I live at 123 London Roa

AIBU to reply "no, make your own way to the first call."

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 13/10/2017 17:18

We had one of the most caring carers for my DD that we could ever have wished for (she worked for an agency). But even she got p*ssed off when she was expected to drive to their HO for staff training in her own time and with no mileage paid. It didn't make her an uncaring person - it just meant she wasn't a pushover.

Those of you saying OP isn't fit to be a carer just because she doesn't want to subsidise either her co-worker or the agency's profits are totally unreasonable.

If the agency only have a non-driving carer available who can't get to the first call or home from the last and they desperately want she/he to work that shift then the agency should pay for a taxi. It is not the OPs problem.

AndrewJames · 13/10/2017 17:21

If the agency tries to press you tell them your insurance doesn't cover it.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 13/10/2017 17:21

In view of the horrific comments and attitude of a so-called 'carer' on here I would urge everyone who has a loved one needing home care to vet the person/people concerned very carefully.

Absolutely! Demand your prospective carer's social media sign-ons, so that you can advance search them and vet everything they have ever written. In fact why not hook them up to a lie detector so that you can really check them out, because you never know what they might be thinking. You can't be too careful - because venting on an anonymous forum that you are being expected to act as an unpaid taxi driver automatically means that you are a Bad Person Who Cannot Be Trusted. And obviously if someone's signed up to be a carer then it means that they must never ever get cross, frustrated or lose their temper - and if they need a role model then clearly anything less than the full Mary Poppins routine is "horrific".

Jesus wept.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 17:21

I replied saying it was a bit out of my way and to meet at the first call.

OP posts:
llangennith · 13/10/2017 17:23

Well done for being assertive OP.

bigbluebus · 13/10/2017 17:28

Well done blackcat. Stick to your guns.

KityGlitr · 13/10/2017 17:33

Cheeky entitled fucker! Definitely don't do it. Love the way her message just presumes you'll run her around with zero cost to her, didn't even offer petrol. I used to have a boss who expected me to go collect him and drive him to work when our shifts coincided and I had little choice as he controlled the rota and I was on zero hour contract and at the time couldn't afford to lose that job. Used to frustrate and upset me being taken advantage of with no recourse. She's a colleague, you don't owe her anything.

I met a new coworker a couple months ago and offered her a lift to the train station 20 min in the opposite direction to my way home to be friendly as I realised she was new, when she got out the car she tried to set up me doing this for her every Wednesday! When I said it wouldn't work for me she texted me several times throughout the next few weeks trying to find out when I was in the building and what time I finished so she could get another lift. Wasn't even on my route. I don't mind helping someone out now and then as a goodwill gesture but at the first sign of someone assuming it's their right or asking for a favour (so cheeky) I'm done. I didn't give her any more lifts.

Non drivers like that who expect to be propped up by those of us who've put the time and effort and money into studying and passing a license and operating a car with the associated costs really give the rest of them who do just fine independently with cabs and buses a bad name.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 13/10/2017 17:41

Well done op.

Can't believe you've been getting stick on here either. You do an amazing job. Of bloody course you need somewhere to vent. Who doesn't.

Hope all goes well with the interview

Slimthistime · 13/10/2017 17:44

good for you OP.

StealthPolarBear · 13/10/2017 17:49

I can't believe there is a post on here from someone who is berating the op for having the time to vent on an anonymous forum.
It would be laughable if it wasn't so incredibly out of order.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 17:52

Good. Surely any time travelling should count as being on-call and be paid. Have there been any employment tribunal cases dealing with this specific issue in relation to home carers.

I didn't like the language you used but I do appreciate how hard a job you do and how little support and pay you get for something so crucial and of course you need to vent. But at the same time, I also felt bad for your colleague. I lay all the blame at the feet of the care working agencies. Oh and the government of course.

Blahblahblahhhhhhh · 13/10/2017 17:56

I do the same job and it's in our contracts that we have to pick them up. On Wednesday it took 25 minutes to get to the girl I was working with house. That's almost an hour commuting. No extra pay and no extra petrol money. Then don't get me started on the younger ones who want dropping off at pubs afterwards. It sucks. I hate it.

Appuskidu · 13/10/2017 18:03

I do the same job and it's in our contracts that we have to pick them up

Do they get paid the same as you?!

Was driving a stipulation of the job when you were hired?

See, I could almost understand if they had two rates:-

A-you must be a driver and have own your own car to use for work. You are paid £10 per hour and can claim petrol.

B-you do not need a car. You will need to use public transport or find a type A worker to come to a mutual arrangement with. You will need to pay them petrol money. You will be paid £8 an hour

Etc

I don't see how it is ever remotely fair.

Will they sack OP if she doesn't collect? What is in her contract?

Has she replied?

Textpectation · 13/10/2017 18:03

YanbuFlowers

Her text to you was very abrupt.

Good luck for the interview.

KityGlitr · 13/10/2017 18:04

Wtf blah? How is it worded in your contract? I can't actually imagine a job insisting the drivers collect the non drivers. Do you get paid more? Pretty cushy set up for the non drivers there!

LazyDailyMailJournos · 13/10/2017 18:04

I can't believe there is a post on here from someone who is berating the op for having the time to vent on an anonymous forum.
It would be laughable if it wasn't so incredibly out of order.

^^This. I suspect it's the same people who think that dialling 101 solves everything and that there should be trigger warnings attached to anything that isn't a thread about adorable kittens (not a pop at 'trigger warnings' per se, but it does get rather overused).

Slimthistime · 13/10/2017 18:04

Blah - eek.

there's definitely a collective case to be made here, are many carers members of a union?

wizzywig · 13/10/2017 18:06

Op i think you are fab. Way too many posys on mn about cf's taking advantage of the kind nature of others (theres one going about very very cheap childcare). So good on you for just saying no.

Papafran · 13/10/2017 18:06

I do the same job and it's in our contracts that we have to pick them up

what if you said ooh sorry, car has broken down so I can't do that as I will be walking (but don't worry I will get to all the assignments on time)? If they were paying you a higher hourly rate, it would be fair enough, but if you get the same as the people who you have to drop at the pub etc that is wrong.

What is the exact wording in your contract?

EddChinasVagina · 13/10/2017 18:06

@Happyemoji I’m sorry you’re having a hard time but it’s a shame that you’ve decided to find fault with people as a result.

lasttimeround · 13/10/2017 18:07

Well done saying no op. And the comments on carers are really too ridiculous. You may vent anonymosly and not be an utterly saint in your own time. And not sub other people's travel costs. Even if you are a carer.

LexieLulu · 13/10/2017 18:23

Glad you told her it was out of your way, you need to tell her that you don't get petrol allowance so you're not willing to run people to and from their home.

Also said you have to rush back cause you have XYZ to do and you'll drop her at a bus stop

Mittens1969 · 13/10/2017 18:29

I know it must have been annoying to receive the text but you’d better make sure it’s not something that it’s not something expected of you in your contract. It would be very tricky if she didn’t turn up at all, especially if there’s lifting to be done.

thatdearoctopus · 13/10/2017 18:38

If it's expected of her in her contract, then surely she should be paid for it?

RebootYourEngine · 13/10/2017 18:43

Glad you replied with a no.

I dont know why you are getting a hard time. How i speak and behave in my personal life is different to my professional life. Does not mean that i am rubbish at my job.