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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give this person a lift

249 replies

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 09:37

I am a home carer. It's shit.

I'm working with someone who doesn't drive tonight. They have messaged me with this:

Hi, I'm working wifh you tonight. I don't drive so can you pick me up please? I live at 123 London Roa

AIBU to reply "no, make your own way to the first call."

OP posts:
Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:02

It is the same now Red

OP posts:
Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:02

It would be because I want my time to be my own but in any case we are coming from two different directions.

OP posts:
RedForFilth · 13/10/2017 16:03

Also I will say care is so rewarding at times. But so so hard. We do so much but get treated like shit. Having a thick skin and a dark sense of humour is definitely required imo!

RedForFilth · 13/10/2017 16:05

blackcatpurring really? That's why I left. I work in a care home now. Shit pay still but at least we get paid for the whole shift! Except the hour we're supposed to have breaks (2x15 mins 1×30 mins) but obviously we never get!
Is there anything near you that would suit? I'm a single parent and was lucky that I could choose my shifts. The home was so desperate for staff they let me choose!!

mintteaandbananabread · 13/10/2017 16:07

Btw Op I think you're being a bit harsh. While your colleague is taking you for granted, surely it wouldn't be inconvenient for you if she came to your house and travelled with you from there

She has already explained how it would be very inconvenient actually.

Yvetteballs · 13/10/2017 16:11

Just “I’m not able to pick you up.” That’s all you need to say.

MinervaSaidThar · 13/10/2017 16:12

Did you text her back, OP?

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 16:13

Fucks sake there’s nothing wrong with the OP saying "you stupid piece of shit", she’s venting and it’s ok to do just that on an anonymous forum. Those of you who’ve taken issue with it really are very self-righteous and need to get a life.

What a waste of energy. This year my partners mother has died of cancer. My mother has been diagnosed with cancer in her womb and had to have a hysterectomy. Another family member has been diagnosed with cancer. Your advice to op is go on then call her a stupid shit and the rest of us is get a life. I'm trying to darling but its not that easy.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:16

I am sorry for all that but what does it have to do with whether or not I give a lift to someone? I'm not asking to be snarky, I just genuinely don't understand how it has come onto the thread.

I am angry, or frustrated really, and that came out earlier, obviously I would never say this to someone's face but imagine if you had to pick someone up for work who lived 20 minutes in the opposite direction, and take them home, and for no money? Would you not be annoyed?

OP posts:
Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 16:18

Some people are finding it hard to cling on to their life. Is this thread about caring carers. My partner was a substance misuse worker so a completely different ask not once did he ever complain about meeting colleagues. He loved his job and he loved his co-workers. You do have to brief each other before visiting clients or meetings.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 13/10/2017 16:19

Emoji nobody has suggested that the OP goes and tells her colleague that she is a "stupid piece of shit" to her face. OP said it as part of a vent, on here, in an anonymous forum. People are simply pointing out that there is nothing wrong with wanting to vent and that those who are suggesting that this somehow compromises OP's ability to do her job, are being rather hysterical and nonsensical.

I'm sorry to hear about your family troubles, but that doesn't have anything to do with OP so it's unfair to project that. I am sure many posters here have problems as well.

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 16:19

I would ask for petrol money because I'm mean and tight with money. I count every penny.

Whinesalot · 13/10/2017 16:19

I'd rather the op vented on here and got it off her chest rather than take her frustrations out on the client. And I don't blame her for being resentful. It is blatantly not fair.

mintteaandbananabread · 13/10/2017 16:20

none of that is relevant to the OP. Or anything else.

TsunamiOfShit · 13/10/2017 16:20

If a client requires two people to hoist him or her up and she is 15 minutes late. Then that will eat into his time and money and it will look very unprofessional. Agencies lose clients for those reasons, we all want value for money. That means less work for you.

If agencies lose clients for these reasons, then they should start paying their staff properly and also show them some respect. The OP could probably quite easily get a job somewhere else.

If it is true that some carers don't get paid milage (as in proper milage, 45p/mile) and on top of this don't get paid for the time they are travelling between clients, then that i bloody outrageous!

LazyDailyMailJournos · 13/10/2017 16:21

My partner was a substance misuse worker so a completely different ask not once did he ever complain about meeting colleagues. He loved his job and he loved his co-workers.

Good for him - but what's it got to do with the OP? I love my job, but it doesn't stop me complaining about it when it pisses me off.

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 16:22

I'm sorry to hear about your family troubles, but that doesn't have anything to do with OP so it's unfair to project that.

It was edchinasvaginas not to the op. Don't tell someone to get a life if you don't know them. I think its a silly comment to make to some one you don't know.

Agustarella · 13/10/2017 16:24

I imagine the OP's colleague was told to ask for a lift by the office: "OP's perfectly happy to drive you, just drop her a text to remind her..." or something.

I've often seen adverts for carers at around the minimum wage with "Must be owner driver", and wondered how on earth anyone can manage to run a car on this kind of pay. They must have to rely on benefits or a higher earning partner, which makes working kind of pointless if the job barely pays for the car you need to run in order to get there. At least the non-driving colleague doesn't have the expense of a car, but they seem to be put in an uncomfortable position of having to beg for lifts, and whether they make it to a client on time or at all is thus dependent on a factor beyond their control. What an awful system.

BewareOfDragons · 13/10/2017 16:25

"Sorry, no."

If pressed, tell her flat out that you can't afford the petrol, the extra wear on your car, or your time. She shouldn't have taken the job if she can't get herself to and from her job.

MissEliza · 13/10/2017 16:28

Minttea fair enough. I missed that bit.
As pp said it is bloody outrageous that some carers don't get petrol money when they're already on low wages, particularly when you read about MPs claiming for stamps or CEOs claiming for £3 lunches.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:30

Happy there are two responses to that really.

I think that when you are faced with the possibility of losing someone you love, obviously everything else fades into insignificance. But I think in many ways thst illustrates the point I am making. I want to get home to my own family, not take time out of my day taking someone else to theirs.

The second point - that due to the anger I am displaying on here I am clearly a bad carer and because it's my job title I should be caring at all times - is just not fair. Of course it's nice to be pleasant and helpful towards people but unfortunately I've learned the hard way that that's a one way ticket with station stops of losing money, time and yes patience.

I am really sorry that my earlier response was so emotional. I have to just say I get so weary and fed up of the responsibility of making sure people eat, drink, take their medication, go to bed, get up, wash, are as comfortable as they can be, driving through rush hour, driving through Christmas, Sunday mornings and bank holidays, dealing with people sometimes who are so rude and blame you for things that are not your fault, tramping through snow, sweating through heatwaves, blinded through lashing rain - and then you get a text from someone and it kind of pushes you over the edge a bit.

OP posts:
SusannahL · 13/10/2017 16:33

In view of the horrific comments and attitude of a so-called 'carer' on here I would urge everyone who has a loved one needing home care to vet the person/people concerned very carefully.

This is far more than just annoyance about a colleague requesting a lift.

Hissy · 13/10/2017 16:35

DP's care agency charge 3x as much as they charge Jesus. That's shocking. The whole situation around carers is a mess. No private company should be able to make that much profit.

This is a general equation with regard to fees in all kinds of industry, in others it's 5x

typically its a third on costs of labour, a third on business admin costs and a third profit

the unacceptable part of this story is not that an agency is making money for providing a service, it's that they exist at all! If local authorities took on the role of providing adequate social care, they would not need to make such huge profits, and would be able to save on business costs as they'd be part of the LA.

Popchyk · 13/10/2017 16:35

It is entirely unfair on you, OP.

Non-drivers are effectively getting paid more than you for doing less work (taking into account the costs of running a car, breaks where you get 10 minutes and they get an hour, and your unpaid dropping off and picking up before and after shifts).

You'd actually be better off getting rid of your own car and asking the agency to send someone to pick you up and drop you off at home from now on.

Are you in a union? Be worth contacting them if so.

mintteaandbananabread · 13/10/2017 16:37

In view of the horrific comments and attitude of a so-called 'carer' on here I would urge everyone who has a loved one needing home care to vet the person/people concerned very carefully

LOL. What horrific comments? There aren't any. And if you want to vet your carer to make sure they have never ever said anything rude about anyone, you are going to have to pay a lot more than min wage. And not get one anyway!

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