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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to give this person a lift

249 replies

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 09:37

I am a home carer. It's shit.

I'm working with someone who doesn't drive tonight. They have messaged me with this:

Hi, I'm working wifh you tonight. I don't drive so can you pick me up please? I live at 123 London Roa

AIBU to reply "no, make your own way to the first call."

OP posts:

BadLad · 13/10/2017 10:05

Your message is fine. Nobody respects a pushover.

TsunamiOfShit · 13/10/2017 10:05

I would offer to pick up, but only if it is definitely on the way, it is easy to just stop and for her to hop in, and if she is standing outside ready.

If I had to take a detour / faff around to find parking / wait for her to come out I wouldn't bother.

And you're right, why on earth did she decide to apply for this job if she can't drive??

LittleDittyAbout · 13/10/2017 10:06

"You stupid piece of shit". Crikey.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2017 10:07

YANBU. The protocol for this would be for them to take a taxi to your place or to the first job.

Why the hell does someone become a home carer when they can’t drive?

Butterymuffin · 13/10/2017 10:08

You're right to avoid it becoming a thing. 'Afraid I'm not able to pick you up so I'll meet you at the first call' would be my choice.

lalalalyra · 13/10/2017 10:09

Will you be driving her around for the rest of the night? Do you get any sort of benefit, or at least costs, for that?

If it's just expected that you'll run a car, with all the associated costs, then will drive around a non driver then aren't you effectively being paid less than her?

martellandginger · 13/10/2017 10:10

Speak to your line manager (minus the swearing) let them know you don't want to give people lifts to jobs. will you be expected to take them to the next job? assuming you are doing house calls? if you don't get reimbursed for petrol then someone needs to pay it - or at least a share of it.

WorraLiberty · 13/10/2017 10:11

why the actual FUCK did you apply for a driving job when you can't drive, you stupid piece of shit?

Blimey OP, I think you need to calm down.

Just reply with, "No, sorry. I don't drive colleagues around. See you at work".

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 10:11

The agency probably hires walking care staff who takes buses or walks to jobs. You do sound ridiculous op with the venting its only one little message, I feel sorry for the poor woman. Just say no to her why be so personal you don't have to pick her up. I wouldn't want you caring for my family members with your attitude. You have no middle ground or common sense.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 13/10/2017 10:12

This keeps on coming up on MN.

I don't drive so I apply for jobs that don't need driving, to get there or to do the job.

Why the hell does someone become a home carer when they can’t drive?
Is this a question of people on jobseekers allowance being practically forced into any job or they lose their benefits? With job centre advisors taking colleagues' lifts for granted. BTW using taxis for this sort of job would be a non-starter - personally I'd be out of pocket by midday.

Anyway. If the UK had a decent public transport outside of big cities this thread wouldn't exist I guess.

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 10:13

She gets paid for the miles she does most probably, its up to her if she wants to carry an extra passenger.

Original poster

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 10:17

But it would,Ohto because you have to drive from person to person. So one person has to drive. It's part of the job.

The agency does not employ walking carers. Some of the calls are 4 miles from each other.

I am venting on here because I can't in RL.

OP posts:

Original poster

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 10:17

And yes lala that is exactly what it is!

OP posts:

GU24Mum · 13/10/2017 10:18

Is it that you can't (genuinely) spare the time to pick the other person up, you want petrol money if you're going to do it or just don't want to?

Depending on your answer I'd say:

Sorry, I'm going to be cutting it fine so can't pick you up;
If it's easier for us to split the petrol than you getting a taxi, that's fine; or
Sorry, I don't want to do the driving else the agency will always assume I'll do it (or something like that).

Agree that just saying no is usually fine but you are going to be spending the workshift with the other person so probably better to be firm but polite!

SteampunkPrincess · 13/10/2017 10:19

think you're being a bit harsh on the OP here, shes venting anonymously on a forum, its not like shes going to be saying it to their face?

loveisasecondhandemotion · 13/10/2017 10:19

I agree it's not your place to pick colleague up op but I think in your position i would send back the message a little less blunt than yours.
If you have to work together it would be awkward if you've sent a message like that in my opinion.
Disclaimer- I'm a bit of a people pleaser but that being said, I would not be picking colleague up especially if it's not on the way.

Colleague may have felt really embarrassed sending the message or she just may be a CF.

I have been a ( local ) home carer and have seen this happen a lot. One lift turns into every shift and other colleague relies on the driver to the point that they go to pieces if they have to make their own way to a call.

It's best just not to start it in the first place but go about it a bit nicer, you do have to work together after all.

TakeAnadin · 13/10/2017 10:20

'I know. Then you get "but there are no buses at 11 at night / 6 in the morning / that go that way" why the actual FUCK did you apply for a driving job when you can't drive, you stupid piece of shit?'

Great advert for home carers

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/10/2017 10:21

@blackcatpurring, I'm with you all the way, sounds like an entitled CF !
I would text back this, also abrupt message, " Not possible, see you there".

Original poster

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 10:21

Yeah, I won't be that blunt. The problem is that you do it once (because it is tipping down with rain, it's 11 o clock at night, it's 6 in the morning ...) and then you always do it. In addition to the fact you have to drive them around between calls.

I get that the agency shouldn't employ them at all but I have spent time and money on other people's problems and I am so so sick of it now.

OP posts:

LaughingElliot · 13/10/2017 10:24

I don’t blame you one bit. And home caters should be much better paid and valued.

viques · 13/10/2017 10:26

I am sorry for the poor person who is expecting a decent quality of home care from the pair of you. presumably two of you are sent to the job because two,people are needed, perhaps for a hoist .

I hope to god I am never in the situation when I have to rely on home care if some of the responses are indicative of the people who provide it.

BadLad · 13/10/2017 10:28

In the long run you'll be doing your employers a favour. They will either have to put some sort of system in place to cope with staff without transport or stop employing such people. If you end up ferrying this person around, you're delaying the time when they have to solve the problem. Don't give in.

Happyemoji · 13/10/2017 10:29

think you're being a bit harsh on the OP here, shes venting anonymously on a forum, its not like shes going to be saying it to their face?

The op is wasting her energy all she has to say is no. No need to burn herself out at all why should she make herself ill over a lift.

ShoutyMcShoutFace · 13/10/2017 10:30

YANBU what if you didn’t drive too? Or do the agency specially pair non drivers with a known driver? Do you get anything extra for using your own car between calls?

loveisasecondhandemotion · 13/10/2017 10:31

So op- to clarify- do you have to drive her round between calls too? It seems a bit unfair that you have to do that. Is it just expected or have the agency asked you?

Iirc in a previous post you said that they don't employ people without a car?

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