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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to give this person a lift

249 replies

blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 09:37

I am a home carer. It's shit.

I'm working with someone who doesn't drive tonight. They have messaged me with this:

Hi, I'm working wifh you tonight. I don't drive so can you pick me up please? I live at 123 London Roa

AIBU to reply "no, make your own way to the first call."

OP posts:
Easyonthetonic · 13/10/2017 16:37

I don't think ranting a bit on an anonymous website makes you a shit career in real life op.

It seems that many think health care workers really are a different species and are not at all effected by the stresses and strains of a real life.

Hissy · 13/10/2017 16:37

and no, a person who is required to care for people in the community needs to be able to get there under their own steam and not be a non-driver expecting everyone else to sort out their logistics.

A driver should be paid a driver rate at the very least to cover their own costs. there should not be people who can't do their job without putting others out of hours, out of their way or out of pocket.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:38

Susannah, in all seriousness, someone being able to 'choose' and having the luxury of doing so is unusual. I can see some of you are determined I am a psychopath; I'm not! Just very tired, anxious about an interview I am desperate to get and almost certainly won't next week and almost anticipating the depression I'll fall into afterwards.

OP posts:
MinervaSaidThar · 13/10/2017 16:39

OP, have you texted her?

IncyWincyGrownUp · 13/10/2017 16:39

Stop being a sanctimonious tit Susannah. The OP is angry with an industry that values home carers as much as most people value a happy meal toy.

She is perfectly entitled to be pissednoff that she is taken advantage of not only by her employer but by her colleagues too.

TeeBee · 13/10/2017 16:40

Sorry that you're getting such a bashing OP. You are doing a job...no more. Saying OP needs to be caring 24/7 is ridiculous. She is being paid to be a carer to the person in her care, not the entire world 24/7 at her own time and cost.
This is resource situation...a resource situation that is the agency's problem, not yours. The more you dive in and sort it out, the more they will take advantage. I would explain to your colleague that while you understand that having no personal transport of her own is a pain, it is not for you to sort it out. Maybe tell her that you have a personal policy that you don't give lifts to colleagues as it just muddies the waters and you want to be free to do your own thing between visits and to be able to shoot off straight home to work. It is not an unreasonable response at all. Their problem (and the agency's problem) is not your problem to solve.

TheMerryWidow1 · 13/10/2017 16:43

op, its her job so her responsibility to get herself to work not yours. I take my hat off to you, I think you have to be a special kind of person to do your job and its not something everyone can do.

Popchyk · 13/10/2017 16:43

What kind of job is the interview for, OP?

If you start a new thread about the kind of job it is, there will be people on here who could give you tips about how to handle the interview in the best way.

Good luck with it.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:45

It's a bit above me pop doubt I'll get it ... I want out of this job so bad Sad

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 13/10/2017 16:45

People doing shitty jobs for shitty wages would be abnormal (and possibly dangerous) if they didn't swear on anonymous forums (or some other equivalent).
The care industry is a disaster at the moment and has been for some years - the agencies don't give a toss about either clients or staff. They pay shitty wages and skimp on training or health and safety wherever possible; they don't care if employees burn themselves out because there's always another desperate person who has to have a job - and they don't care if the employees are incompetent/rude/dishonest as long as they are cheap to employ. There have been plenty of proposals of making people on benefits take up carework (via workfare) so that the actual labour is even cheaper - never mind that the individuals coerced into doing this work are even more likely to be crap at it.

Popchyk · 13/10/2017 16:47

Well, they've invited you for the interview so they must think that you are suitable.

They wouldn't waste their time otherwise.

So it is a positive thing even to get invited for interview. Well done.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 16:48

I think sometimes you get invited for interview to make up numbers, but we'll see Smile

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 13/10/2017 16:53

I totally understand where you are coming from OP.
I would be interested to know if the agency actually told her to ask you.
It's odd that the message included her address as though it was a forgone conclusion that you would do this.

PolkaDottyOvenGlove · 13/10/2017 16:56

It seems to be more and more commonplace these days that employers expect drivers to ferry non drivers to and from work for free.

I used to work for a company 20 miles from my home town, and there was one colleague who also lived in my home town but didn’t drive and was regularly late when travelling on the bus. I was fuming when my boss told him that I would pick him up and drop him home each day and to go and arrange it with me! No one even asked me! It was a case of ‘The Manager says you have to give me lifts to and from work from now on’!

To make matters worse, he lived about 10 minutes in the opposite direction from my house, and was never ready on time. I said to my boss several times that I didn’t want to continue the arrangement but he said it would be gross misconduct!

OP I don’t blame you for being pissed off and I would not want to give them a lift either!

Appuskidu · 13/10/2017 16:56

I don't blame you for being pissed off at this-I would be as well!

I would say no!

Why should you have to pick her up, drive her round, find places to park, waste time driving her home, poke up with the wear and tear to your car let alone the actual having to have someone this ungrateful in your car etc etc for NO extra money whilst she gets door to door service!

Have the agency told you that you have to do this? What happens if you say no?

aintnothinbutagstring · 13/10/2017 16:56

Good point about car insurance, not all policies will cover formal car sharing arrangements.

MissEliza · 13/10/2017 16:56

Yes Hissy you've said what I meant.

Original poster
blackcatpurring · 13/10/2017 17:05

The agency will almost certainly have said this Sad

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 13/10/2017 17:08

OP that is crazy and I'm not surprised you are annoyed

btw how did they get your number? The agency shouldn't hand out your number to people unless you've agreed to it? I realise the agency probably do all kinds of crappy things though.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 13/10/2017 17:08

It's easy to get pressurised into doing favours for people and being resentful afterwards.

It's not your responsibility to get your colleagues to and from work.

This week I got out of a responsibility that I was almost guilt-ed into accepting. Almost a month of being stressed with extra work (for no extra pay) with hurried, stressed school drop off and collections. I was covering as a favour yet plans (made without me) were afoot to let a few weeks cover carry on up to Christmas.

I had to make it clear that I wasn't doing it any longer. I physically handed back the keys and everything else and walked away. It is about very firmly not letting people take advantage.

RedForFilth · 13/10/2017 17:09

SusannahL If they find swearing off shift in their own time "horrific" then I suggest they do the caring themselves.

Appuskidu · 13/10/2017 17:11

Have the agency told you that you have to do this?What happens if you say no?

Can you answer these points?

FizzyGreenWater · 13/10/2017 17:11

I think I just wouldn't answer the text and claim to not have seen it.

Then you can be all wide-eyed and 'But didn't you have a plan for getting into work? How can you assume someone you don't know will come out of their way to give you a lift when you haven't even arranged it? Wow! No, sorry, I wouldn't have had time to pick you up anyway.'

Good luck with the interview.

RestingBitchFaced · 13/10/2017 17:13

Have you replied?

GlitteryFluff · 13/10/2017 17:17

Yanbu op.
At the most I'd say if they can get to your house at X time they can hitch a ride but you're not driving 20mins in the wrong direction.

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