Things that ought to be great, but are invariably disappointing....

[ClashCityRocker]

Baths with wine and candles.

The heat from the bath means the wine gets tepid rather quickly, and the candle light is never strong enough to read a book in. Also, submerging to rinse the soap off results in a tidal wave of water, putting out the candles and resulting in being sat in darkness. The scramble for the light switch usually involves knocking over the precariously perched wine glass or candle, resulting in wine and candle wax everywhere.

See also breakfast in bed.

It's not a great position to eat breakfast in, really, being half recumbent. I'm usually a wee bit sweaty, would rather get up and have a cigarette and always end up with toast crumbs on the sheets.

What things that sound lovely in principle are really not that great in practice?

Centre parcs- overpriced waterpark

Afternoon tea- a selection of cakes no-one else in the cafe want

Christmas shopping. In a triumph of hope over experience I always book a day off to go into town.

Now, I live in York which is, theoretically, absolutely lovely at Christmas time. And it really is, if you go to the city centre at 8am in the morning or 7pm at night.

I always plan to have a nice stop off for a festive hot chocolate etc. No chance of getting a seat in any of the coffee shops as every single person within a twelve mile radius has had the same idea. I usually end up in the pub.

They have lovely lovely street performers.... All on the same street, drowning each other out so the air is not filled wit joyful Christmas tunes, but a mishmash of several different performers competing to make themselves heard.

Youre wrapped up in your woolly jumper and scarf.... Forgetting that the seasons are all fucked up now, so you're sweltering in the 16 degree heat. Similarly, the shops are all over heated coz it's December, innit.

The Christmas market offers precious little inspiration on the Christmas present front; stall after stall of jumpers made from yak wool, candles that cost more than the white company ones and cheese which has been ruined my adding the most unlikeliest of ingredients (peanut butter cheddar anyone?) at £93 per kilo. The traders at the normal market are glaring at those in the Christmas market, as they had campaigned for years to get their market moved to the main street to be told it was impossible... The place where the Christmas market now is.

The retailers have clocked on that using a huge amount of packaging makes the gift look bigger and they can charge more...but don't do bags big enough to hold them, so you end up juggling various packages, one of which ends up getting out down whilst you get your purse out and is invariably forgotten and lost forever....so you eventually give up, go home and order everything from amazon.

FOR FUCKS SAKE WHERE DO MY PARAGRAPHS KEEP GOING

Your paragraphs are there 😁

Hot air balloon rides.
Unless you like having a scorched head and then end up being tipped up side ways in a muddy field and have to clamber over everyone else's head to get out crawling on your knees in said muddy field. And then fold the fecking balloon up yourselves whilst waiting for support vehicle to find random field you've landed it. All at arse o'clock in the morning . AND paying decking hundreds of ££££ for the privilege.

The USA.

Anything Dyson.

scarlet really? They're not showing on mine, just a wall of text. Glad they're there though.

Some threads on here

Doing anything with the dc in tow. Family get togethers, picnics with friends, festivals, shopping, Xmas day, holidays.... The dc need demand too much of my attention for me to be able to relax and enjoy myself.

Dinner parties, especially ones you host

One person arrives half an hour early, which means you do not get time to do your make up and a last mad dash tidy whizz around, the rest is an hour late. You find one of the husbands too grumpy to talk to anyone, and your friends wanting complicated drinks you don't have like a martini or fancy coffee ("a decaf coffee with skimmed milk and sweetener".... I only have real coffee, tea, and normal (semi) milk!) , backhanded compliments ("wow I have never seen your house so tidy"), everyone is suddenly low-carbing so nobody touches your lovingly made potato gratin and ask why there isn't any more meat, your kid comes down the stairs,asking in a voice of loving concern if mummy is drunk again? Someone puts their own music on, and you have to listen to shite 80s pop whilst pretending to be nostalgic about Prince and then one friend gets drunk and refuses to leave until 3am, you have a mountain of washing up, and your husband does not speak to you for 3 days as it was all YOUR idea....

libraries! they are my pet hate atm, i always want the beauty and the beast type but recently i went to the uni library and was soo dissapointed, it had huge beanbags on the floor, noisy students shouting to each other, some students asleep on said beanbags (on the floor)with headphones in, everyone on laptops, a costa coffee inside. it was more like a recreation room than a library to me

maybe im just old and boring now though 😕

Disneyland Paris.

DDs had been nagging for years so booked to go between Christmas and New Year.

Kept it all a secret and did the big reveal at the Eurostar expecting excitement and undying gratitude. DD1 just wanted a sausage roll, and DD2 wanted a wee.

It was drizzly, fecking freezing and the twangy Disney music every-fucking-where got on my last nerve. 8 years later and It's A Small World still haunts my dreams

Kindle reading while sitting in the sun Can't see anything even with some filter thingy I have. I was so looking forward to sitting about the pool reading

Agree with the baths after five minutes I want to get out

Cocktails on a tropical beach all sounds lovely in reality you dehydrate very very quickly end up with a thumping headache and the feel sick

Chocolate cake I love chocolate and I love cake but chocolate is always disappointing improves after a few seconds in the microwave

And most tourist attractions when busy

If you can go when it isn't busy great if not it's often just miserable and children catch the whining bug

Agree with going out out. I am going to the cinema tonight looking forward to it then friend mentions meeting friends for drink after should be good fun (as I have a child free night) mmm no thanks cinema is fine. I have no desire to go out for hours and hours drinking and having fun

Silverdancer try Liquorice tea. I know it sounds weird but I now drink nothing else, it's delicious. You need v hot water and leave to infuse for 5 + minutes. Twining is good but Sainbury's own brand is half price (75p for 20 bags) and exactly the same. Try it!

Actually, liquorice tea is the one herbal tea that isn't always shit.

I agree with cocktails in the sun. Alcohol seems to raise my body temperature anyway and I just end up woozy, headachy and sleepy.

God I'm a grumpy sod.

I'm going to add autumn to my list. I recall (and partook in) the autumn lovers thread back in late August where everyone was waxing lyrical about cool, crisp mornings and wooly jumpers, hot chocolate etc....

Round here it's still the same temperature as it was in August, but darker, greyer and drizzler. Basically summer but shitter. I want proper autumn!

I can agree with so much of this

Baths, you think it'll be nice and relaxing but invariably someone comes in wanting a poo or the cat starts scratching at the door and the water cools down too quickly.

Family days out in summer, well any season really. Kids don't really want to be there, I want to cry at how much everything costs, if you picnic you spend the morning lugging around a bag of food, then after lunch a bag of rubbish. Crowds everywhere. It's hot and everyone is sweaty.

Fun walks in country parks/woods. You see these pictures of families in their perfect wood walking attire, smiling, throwing up showers of leaves in glee, playing imaginary games. Reality kids get filthy so they have to be stripped before you let them back in the car, they moan they're bored 5 minutes in, tired within 10 minutes. You step in shit and and the lead throwing ends with you picking bugs out your hair.

New year's eve, forcing yourself to stay awake. And for some reason in my easy of England small town we get a group of bagpipes decide to walk around our estate, queue woken grumpy children.

Tiramisu. It's my favourite pudding but I'm always disappointed as I had the most amazing one years ago and nothing has lived up to it since.

Weekends
Always think on Friday, phew it's the weekend, a chance to relax... But all the kids need entertaining, ferrying about, walking, feeding. Laundry and shopping and cooking to be done.
Meanwhile DP and I get grumpy with each other that they other isn't doing more of the above mentioned as we both want to relax and get into competitive tiredness.
Roll on Monday, and repeat...

This is a brilliant thread - I agree with most of these! I'm so pleased as thought perhaps I was just a miserable cow 😂

Here's mine -
The summer - totally over rated.
Going to a theme park- pay £50 each to spend the day queueing.
Nights out - £5 for one glass of wine, spend the night standing in a crowded bar not being able to hear a word your friends are saying.
Cocktails - £8 for a glass 3/4 full of ice.

Lasagne from a restaurant. All too runny, not enough pasta. I have never had one at a restaurant that comes close to homemade.

Xmas day and NYE

Chips cooked in the acti- fry

McDonalds

Going to the beach

Green tea. Tastes like hot water with a fag butt brewing in it.

Chamomile tea. Tastes of overly chewed chewing gum.

Cohabiting. Should be lovely but it's just a way of highlighting mismatched domestic habits and expectations.

The 69 position
Totally agree. Concentrating on pleasing your partner is too distracting and I find it quite disconcerting having someone's nose 1" from my arsehole! All I can think is "don't fart" and "he's got a great view of my starfish!".

Swimming naked.
There's a graphic reason but I won't lower the tone of the thread!
Aww come on Squiffany, spill the beans

Those socks that are meant to keep your feet cool

Totally agree re Lasagna weird isn't , Carbonara is normally ok though😀

Yeah I think I need to hear about squiffany's experience....

All of these! The only good herbal tea is Pukka Teas' liquorice and peppermint which has a bit of welly to it, but all the rest taste like flowery dish-water.
Box sets of things people rave about where you have to invest about a year watching to decide in the end it was all a bit rubbish and wish you hadn't bothered, then have to pretend you loved it so as not to sound miserably ungrateful to the person who lent you the bloody thing in the first place.

Girly shopping trips. Just no. Let's all go to the pub instead.

We need a companion thread to this one - things which sound awful but are really rather nice ... Weeing in a wet suit. I couldn't for years because it was gross but when you're in the middle of nowhere, desperate and with no actual loo for 20 miles needs must ... lt's lovely!

I'm going to have to name change now, aren't l ...