Things that ought to be great, but are invariably disappointing....

[ClashCityRocker]

Baths with wine and candles.

The heat from the bath means the wine gets tepid rather quickly, and the candle light is never strong enough to read a book in. Also, submerging to rinse the soap off results in a tidal wave of water, putting out the candles and resulting in being sat in darkness. The scramble for the light switch usually involves knocking over the precariously perched wine glass or candle, resulting in wine and candle wax everywhere.

See also breakfast in bed.

It's not a great position to eat breakfast in, really, being half recumbent. I'm usually a wee bit sweaty, would rather get up and have a cigarette and always end up with toast crumbs on the sheets.

What things that sound lovely in principle are really not that great in practice?

Omg yes to fruit here.

And def Christmas shopping/ Christmas markets. If I could just bimble about and enjoy it, it'd be a different matter. But I have a list of impossible to buy for people, a budget, no idea and a feeling of rising panic that if I don't get it sorted now..then when because it's six days to Christmas?! And I'm boiling hot cos yep, I thought it was cold and it isn't

Christmas - agree with that one!

Oh yes, fruit. I once paid about a million pound for a punnet of cherries.

They were shit. All mushy with no flavour.

I'm going to add deliveroo. It's a great idea in principle, but everything arrived stone cold two hours late. And the order is usually wrong.

Oral sex. Too wet, not enough friction, saliva running down between my butt-cheeks and creating a cold puddle on the sheet underneath. None of that lovely, warm physical contact with his lovely body, only his face between my legs, which looks ridiculous... It's more like masturbation than sex, and even then it's a very unsatisfying sort of masturbation. With a wet jellyfish. I'm over trying to enjoy it.

And no, he's not "doing it wrong".

Barbecues
Baking with small children
Halloween
Xmas markets
New Years Eve

Very aware that makes me sound like a right Mardy Arse!

Pod coffees.Invariably cold,mingy serving,taste no better than a good instant.
Blow dried hair.Just why ? Biggest con out.I need volume not streamlining I haven't the features for hair plastered to my scalp which it will be 20 minutes after I leave the salon.
The NHS , "best healthcare in the world" Says who ?.Huh! Have you travelled,even to Europe?
Sorry about the NHS but honestly if "it" would learn the basic skill of communicating with patients it might get to first base on "best "

Any food/recipe labelled 'Cheesy' or 'in a cheese sauce' . it never really is. There's a soup in todays colour supplement called Cheese and cider soup.. looks lovely . I just know it will disappoint. and don't get me on any food that is supposed to be ok to eat on a diet which is labelled 'cheesy' .. They usually will have have stood at the other end of the road and waved a small piece of indifferent cheddar at it.

I love cheese.

Most takeaways.. (except if you are lucky enough to have a really good Indian one near you )

Supermarket sandwiches.. Utterly tasteless ( especially the cheese ones!!) and just far too cold.

Coffee from most coffee outlets.. pretty sure to be bitter/ burnt or just brown water

Carverys, always disappointing and never as nice as a home cooked roast ime.

Going on any outings with children.

I thought it was just me with supermarket sandwiches Laska5772. I haven't had one for years and don't remember them being that bad but picked up a so called luxury supermarket one the other day. Firstly , yes far too cold. Secondly I'm sure they only put the fillings in the middle then cut them so it was only the first bite of each half that I actually got any of the good ingredients. After that, all I got was freezing cold, tasteless , limp lettuce! I thought maybe it was just that supermarket but obviously not! Is there no decent supermarket sandwiches then?

Agree about expensive hotels.

I don't care about fancy toiletries and fawning sycophantic staff. I just want hot water available when I want it, a decently powerful shower, and for the bloody aircon and wifi to work properly. And a fridge in the room if I ask for one.

Why is this so often too much to ask?

Eating out. Unless you go somewhere seriously good it's always a bit so-so and you end up paying for something you could have cooked better and fresher at home or got the same quality at M&S

Nearly every recipe in a Nigella Lawson cook book. The photos look delicious, the ingredients always include butter, salted caramel, preserved Madagascan unicorn fluffs, etc, and you mentally imagine yourself presenting it on a glass plate to your DP/thrilled children/admiring friends while swishing into the room in a big skirt.

There is always one key ingredient lacking, and it's the one that makes the food actually taste of something.

I reckon Nigella's cooking is all for show anyway Holly. My theory is that all the yummy stuff you see on telly or on the promo shots is plaster moulds made by food stylists.

There was a wickedly unkind and probably accurate account of Nigella's shambolic kitchen skills circulating in the tabloids just after her split from Saatchi.

Goes off to google " where to buy Madagascan unicorn fluffs"

Ellybellyboo Your comment has brought back a horrible memory of being stuck on the It's A Small World ride for FORTY MINUTES! (And no, they didn't stop the continuous looping of the song)

Oh God yes to shop sandwiches.

The bread is always either soggy or stale and the filling has been pushed to the front to make them look full when reality is, it's mostly bread.

Yes, prawn sandwiches-full of lettuce, with half a dozen prawns peeking out of the edges.

Retirement ...

Stir fry - when you do it yourself.

In your head it is all clean, healthy, bright green near crisp veg and delicious.

In reality, the veg never stays crisp and green and it turns into a soy sauce covered sog no matter how last minute you put in the veg or how hot the wok is.

After tonight’s experience, I’m adding Wagamamas ramen to my list. Various lumps floating around in a lot of grey liquid. But everyone loves it apparently

Clothes shopping. I always go looking for something that rarely exists.