Things that ought to be great, but are invariably disappointing....

[ClashCityRocker]

Baths with wine and candles.

The heat from the bath means the wine gets tepid rather quickly, and the candle light is never strong enough to read a book in. Also, submerging to rinse the soap off results in a tidal wave of water, putting out the candles and resulting in being sat in darkness. The scramble for the light switch usually involves knocking over the precariously perched wine glass or candle, resulting in wine and candle wax everywhere.

See also breakfast in bed.

It's not a great position to eat breakfast in, really, being half recumbent. I'm usually a wee bit sweaty, would rather get up and have a cigarette and always end up with toast crumbs on the sheets.

What things that sound lovely in principle are really not that great in practice?

Work nights out. Whenever we have one my colleagues are always so excited and talk about it endlessly in the run up. It always ends up with a mediocre ‘happy hour’ meal followed by sitting in an insipid wine bar sharing rank prosecco listening to Rachel from the PA office’s latest love woes. Which never bodes well as her dilemma is always along the line of “I really like Steve, and he likes me, it’s like we’re soul mates but he won’t commit to me, he’s afraid of getting hurt.”

Everyone else - “Oh Hun, he must really like you, you need to show him that you’re worth taking the risk on, he’s obviously been hurt in the past”.

I forget that I’m not on MN so end up upsetting Rachel by saying “Forget Steve. He’s a cockwomble. He’s using a poor trope of ‘hurt by an ex’ to use you when he feels like, all whilst probably shagging other girls, and being free of criticism for it all because he’s touting this ‘sensitive soul’ act. Move on!”

I’m not very popular at work.

Skiing - have to get up early, cold feet, queues, sore legs, hard to go for a wee, pricey cafes, stress about the snow and envy of better skiers. Though love it at the end of the day having finished!

"Swimming naked.
There's a graphic reason but I won't lower the tone of the thread!"

Fish nibble your minge?

Christmas -.everything. The presents, the food, the works do.

Romance - largely a myth if you are a female heterosexual. Fed this notion but men are too in love with themselves to feel romantic towards women.

Work.

Los Angeles

I thought I’d be visiting the place where the streets are paved with gold and you spot a celebrity on every block.

It’s muggy and filthy, and bar Beverley Hills & Rodeo Drive, it’s utterly unremarkable. Reminded me of Leeds a little bit (no offence Leeds!). And Santa Monica pier has an uncanny resemblance to Blackpool. Except there’s less to do in Santa Monica. And it gets cloudy more than you’d think.

Meeting a famous person you really fancy.

In films/shows there is constant pashing in water based situations: sex in the bath/shower/lake/river/stream/waterfall. In reality it’s a slippery, dangerous, uncomfortable business and the water washes away the necessary lubrication. Rubbish.

Takeaways

Christmas shopping in London. Crowded, loud, dirty and overpriced.

Hyde Park Winter Wonderland- as above.

God I agree with every single one of these. I have suddenly realised I hate everything!

Lands End is a tacky, embarrassment.

Croissants. In fact most pastry items. Smell nice, taste of cardboard soaked in either sugar or fat, depending on whether said pastry is sweet or savoury.

Growing up? So.Much.Hard.Work! And no summers off

Mint tea made with real mint is lovely, just leave for 5 mins,add some honey and enjoy!

quimreaper after several unfortunate incidents I have been banned from taking my kindle and iPad into the bath

Totally agree with sick days when you're actually too ill to enjoy them.

The works Christmas do is always slightly disappointing. I do appreciate them paying it, but they tend to have delusions of grandeur with a menu like 'slow braised beef with vegetables in a red wine jus, served with pommes puree'..... So that'd be beef stew and mash then?

I have a solution for Hot chocolate - never tastes as nice as it smells.

You want this stuff: www.brindisa.com/store/spanish-sweet-things/spanish-chocolate/hot-chocolate-el-canario/

It's hot chocolate the way your brain imagines hot chocolate should be.

Birthdays. I absolutely love picking presents for other people and treating them and showering them with love, but I don't feel it in return on my own birthday. It just always feels quite disappointing to me.

Take-away. Curry / Chinese / fish & chips / pizza etc.

Supposed to be a treat. Really expensive, tastes terrible, so unhealthy it makes me ill. So much regret.

Fresh, posh (by my standards) coffee. Smells so lovely; tastes of ashtrays.

Halloumi. Wtf? Rubbery and tasteless. Give me a lump of cheddar any day.

Sat nav. Just why? Can't even turn it on....give me a map any day.

New Year's Eve. Just don't get the forced jollity.

BBQs.

A opportunity to gather with good friends in the mid-summer early evening sunshine in a lovely garden, sharing wine, catching up on the latest news about their lives and enjoying lovely food.

No.

An opportunity to stand around in a too-small,over-looked suburban backyard with limited signs of greenery making awkward small talk with friends-of-friends you don't really know or like while the male host regales everyone with tedious details of his cookery skills (including some hilarious disaster stories thrown in for good measure) while you sip tepid wine and try to eat unidentified meat which basically tastes of burnt, is probably undercooked and has been shoved into a too-big or too-small white bun while holding your desperately-needed glass of wine and not spill everything down the front of your lovely outfit which turns out to me completely inappropriate because there isn't in fact hazy mid-summer sunshine but a cold northerly wind whipping the underside of very ominous looking black clouds.

Men.
Now being in my late 30's, I can't understand why I spent my 20's running around, trying to get what essentially is an overgrown toddler.

Being an adult.

Yeah, sounds great when you’re a kid - do what you want when you want, get your own house/car etc which you can choose, and the magical dream job that makes you feel fulfilled and happy and so glad you were made to do maths at school.

I think very few people think “thank goodness for geometry! I’d be so lost without it!”

Absentmindedly accepting a piece of Cadburys Dairy milk chocolate, expecting the deliciousness of yesteryear but instead getting a mouthful of palm oil and spitting it out

Yeah dairy milk now - terrible.

Eating outside - In the summer there are loads of flies, wasps etc lurking round or freezing bloody cold in the winter

Yorkie has changed too