To drop my secondary school age child to school?

[Bearlover16]

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

because you don't want them to be out on their own. If you do that then you really have to consider the long-term effects. You are not giving them room to grow and be independent

I'm all for fostering independence but at the same time, I couldn't sit at home, warm and cosy, while my 11 year old has a 20 minute walk, an hour's train journey and another 20 minute walk in snow or rain and it being dark. That's being generous too given I've done the same journey in snow and it took nearer to 4 hours because trains were dropped and not being able to get on the next train.

I get picked up at times by my DH and even my Stepmom on occasions and it doesn't make me lazy or less independent, sometimes it's nice to have your journey time cut by an hour.

There is another option other than denying them independence because of unwarranted fears or helping them avoid a difficult journey - that is because you want to make one aspect of their life a bit easier and it causes you no inconvenience.

Dh drops ds1 at school and picks him up. It's 2.5 miles and across an a road so it would take forever to walk.

Dd1 is year 5 and was desperate to walk as in year 5 the school send a permission form home for this. I pointed out that as we are a 45 minute walk (catchment school with airfield between us and said school so you have to walk round) and I'm driving younger dc to the school. It would be bonkers to make her walk but I don't see her to the door, she runs round from dtds class.

Everyone is different and knows their dc. I take dc to dance after school one day a week. Dtds do a class each and while we waited for dd3 to do her class dd2 wanted her water bottle, which was in the car. It's a small village hall with a little car park but I let dd go to the car on her own with my keys and out of sight briefly. I know she's used to playing (under supervision) at the bottom of our cul de sac on her scooter and is very aware of traffic. I was happy to give her the tiny bit of independence. Another mum loudly spoke to her friend in front of me about how dd was far too young to do that - she was horrified but I just ignored. Dd was happy, safe and independent. Would I have let dd1 at 6 do that? No because she's away with the fairies! Different dc have different parenting needs.

Yeah, I see what Voice means. All depends on the journey. When I was at secondary school it was a 1-mile walk or a single bus. Even at 11 the idea of being driven that distance would have seemed silly.

Would agree that it depends on the length of the journey

Mine walk 1.5 miles to school

I only drive them if its raining, i might pick them up if i am passing (rare) or when dd is really tired or has an after school activity

I have to drive past my daughter's secondary school to get to work, so I take her ¾ of the way and drop her at her friends house. It's a 20min walk from there to school. Out of the group of friends we live the furthest away, it would take her an hour to walk if she did the whole journey and half on hour of that she would be walking alone. As I am going in that direction I see it as a kind gesture to drop her at her friends so she doesn't have such a long walk. Coming home I meet her half way so she has a 30min walk home, only 10mins on her own. Bus travel is possible but would take as long as walking (10m to bus, 20min on bus, 15m to school) and be costly, around £100 a term for a bus pass. If it's raining I will drop her and her friends nearer school as nobody likes to sit in wet clothes/shoes all day. I'm less bothered about her being caught in rain coming home as she can get changed once she's home.

I think we have a good balance, she gets time to socialise with friends, gets some exercise, some fresh air to wake her up and some independence.

I wonder if you are worried about letting your dc go in their own because you like to feel needed? Personally I think secondary age kids should get to school under their own steam as they need to learn to be independent and mostly they prefer to be independent anyway. Don't hold your child back because of some need to be needed in you

I walked to primary school from 6 years old on my own. I got a train and a bus to secondary school. DD1 walks to school. DD2 will walk to school from next year (halfway through year 5) but I will arrange for her to walk in a group with friends. I think not letting them have freedom and independence is doing them a disservice.

Not in the uk but some schools where I live fine parents £80 for regularly driving their children to primary school. The main reason for the fine is that the parents who drive make the walk to school more dangerous for the children who walk, as pretty much all children go to their nearest school. The second reason is that the children miss out on the social and health benefits of walking to school.

So whilst it might seem harmless and kind to drive a child an easily walkable school run to make their life easier, certainly where I live the wider consequences make this socially unacceptable (but I still do it if it's raining stair rods...).

We get a letter sent home in September of every year reminding parents not to drop their children at school by car unless absolutely necessary (like, a broken leg). And if you do choose to drive for other reasons, not to drop on any of the roads surrounding the school. This counts from year one at Primary school, which children start here aged 6.

In the final year of Kindergarten, the 5 year olds are also encouraged to make their own way to and fro. Lots of parents let them walk there along, but pick them up, or let them walk on certain days of the week. By the last term before summer, most are walking independently all the time.

DD3 is 9 and was desperate to walk home by herself (lots of other people walking in the same direction, only 1 road to cross that she knows well). So she is a year 5 and walks home by herself if I am at home - yes I could pick her up, but as she wants to be independent I am happy to let her be so within reason. DD2 however is at secondary and wants picking up and dropping off, hates getting buses. I don't know when she will ever be ready to be independent. She is on the autistic spectrum, though high functioning and in mainstream school, perhaps this is part of her condition.

School runs are a good time to chat as your child cannot be distracted by the TV/computer/phone/cat, but if your child wants to do it alone then let them

Knotty the child is in Year 6, not 6 years old and will soon be going to secondary school

Werneth I was referring to my own experience in the early 80s. As I said, I didn't struggle socially or with independence from being driven to school from 10 (your year 6,it was top juniors when I was there) until I had my driving licence, but at AGE 6 was left to my own devices to get home.

Part of the fun world of secondary was the walk home with friends!!

DH and I work practically next door to DSs yr8) school but he will do anything to avoid being taken or picked up from school by us. It is obviously far too "embarrassing" for him. He was like this from the middle of year 7. Some children don't want lifts from parents. I imagine when he is a bit older that might change and the convenience of a lift might outweigh the severe embarrassment of even the possibility being seen with his parents by his friends.

DH and I work practically next door to DSs yr8) school but he will do anything to avoid being taken or picked up from school by us. It is obviously far too "embarrassing" for him. He was like this from the middle of year 7. Some children don't want lifts from parents. I imagine when he is a bit older that might change and the convenience of a lift might outweigh the severe embarrassment of even the possibility being seen with his parents by his friends.

Btw DS leaves at 7.25am to get to school by 8.20am (school bell goes at 8.25am. He can walk (about 50 mins) or take a bus ,(about 40ins time in total with getting to bus tops etc). He often walks home but gets the bus there. I don't think 40-50mins of walking is too much at all and neither does he.