To drop my secondary school age child to school?

[Bearlover16]

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

dc will make own way to school when they are capable of doing so. (sn issues) we have found a compromise. she walks a short route from the car that requires no road crossing. mind you it is not safe outside her school due to the idiots whose dc can not manage to walk more than 10 yeards to the gate and pull into the bus turning, park on the blind/bend/corner/stop in the middle of the road... etc.

one has started much earlier than the other.

This morning I saw an 8yo (give or take a year) alone at the station chatting with the ticket seller about some issue with his ticket. I was agog at the initiative and independence. It made me think we really underestimate what kids are capable of. Unless you are talking about dashing over the M25, a secondary aged child ought to be able to negotiate crossing a couple of 'busy main roads' to school!!!

. I wonder if she can understand why?

No, they just don't get textbooks.

Hamilton currently my daughter is out from 7.25-4.20 (school day 8.40-3) and never bloody complains despite having been ill for months - I don't have much sympathy for the "long journey" protestors.

I think another issue/difference between now & 20-30 years ago is that catchment areas & schools have got so much bigger.

When I was at school my school served one housing estate & a few outlying areas. Absolute maximum 20-30 minute walk.

Then they started to close smaller schools & now a school can have kids who would need to walk for 60-90 minutes plus they have abolished several bus routes.

Ds would have to leave at 7am to arrive at school for an 8.40am start. To get home he'd arrive back at 5.15pm after a 3.15 pm finish (in reality he walks to his grandparents house and gets there at 4pm.

Seeing as I am driving to & from work at those times anyway I can't see why I shouldn't drop him off en route.

(Obviously she complains about many other things, lol, she's no saint, but neither she nor her sister have ever complained about the journey.)

Once - there are still loads of textbooks, PE kit, home Ec equipment, musical instruments to be carried. Far more than I ever had to carry.

DD is in Y11 and grabs a lift to school with DH. He drives by the top of the school road on his way to work. She has a choice, catch a bus and walk down or grab a lift with DH, but arrive about 20 minutes or so early. For the past 4+ years she has chosen DH's car - they both enjoy the morning 10/15 minute or so drive. Have a chat, listen to music.

Same as on the way home - she chooses: walk up and get a bus, or walk down to my school (abut a mile) and get a lift. She pretty much always chooses to grab a lift - though 2-3 days a week we now drive straight to the gym together so that makes sense. One day a week, if I have a meeting (alternate weeks) she gets the bus. Rest - lift. And another day a week she goes with a friend, by bus, to their drama and singing classes.

But then as she goes to an independent school with a very wide catchment there isn't big groups of local children all walking, or even catching the local bus, together. Many come on school buses and many get dropped someone by parents.

No one is mocked by anyone for getting a lift at DD's school. Ever! Its just not the done thing. And its not just that DD has a nice set of friends, its just not something people use against each other where she is.

Key is though - its dd's choice. She likes to get a lift with us, and she enjoys the time in the car with each parent. She gets a bus home from school occasionally but not really through choice!

She's still managed to grow up to be fairly independent and able to navigate herself round town and meet friends, etc. despite it!

Dd never complains about her journey either. She's very dedicated. Travels 40 miles to school & back each day. Ds wouldn't cope with that length of day. (7.15am - 7.40pm door to door)

I wondered that too about school start time - my DC have to be at school by 8.40 and where I work it's 8.35. Have you checked OP?

Plenty of kids are dropped off round here btw but like some other posters, I do wonder. Dcs' school is in a city, no one should have further than a couple of miles to travel max.

I wouldn't have been embarrassed getting a lift in the car, don't think most would. Obviously at highschool age you can't drive so if being driven there its often by your parents. I would however have been very embarrassed being walked to school at that age or taken on the bus.

My mum could have driven us but felt it better for our independence to make our own way. We walked 10 minutes to the bus stop, caught the bus at 7.30, nearest bus stop to school was them a 20 minute walk away. We could catch the 8am bus but then had to pretty much run to school so always got the 7.30 one so we could piss about didn't have to rush

Op ..You say you will take DD in secondary as there is 2 busy roads to cross at what stage will you let her.

I have a year 6 child..Letting go is hard..Trusting them is hard. But each year you do need to be teaching them to be more independent. You might enjoy your chats however find another time..Goodnight..Dinner round the table.

Can you at least not make a start.. I started with my DS once he had crossed over the roads and proved he could do them safely he walked onto school .. You don't need to collect DD from the door.

I think you need to take a look at yourself as I am pretty confident she is more able than you think she is.

My sons started the 40 minute walk home in year 5. He enjoys it. If it is raining someone usually offers him a lift. He starts yr 7 at the same time his brother starts year 5 and then they will meet each other and walk together.

I drop my year 7 in the mornings. It gives him an extra 10 minutes to get ready, the buses are unreliable and he sometimes has to wait 20 minutes for one and I enjoy the chat during the 10 min drive before I head off to work. People probably have many reasons.

we now drive straight to the gym together

I see this, and a similar sentiment "we drive to the park to walk the dog", and I think they encapsulate everything that is wrong about modern planning. If you want exercise, or if you want to exercise with your dog, then your pour yourself into a car and only then get exercise and walk the dog. It's ridiculous. If you walked to your local gym then you'd only have to spend half the time in the gym! (And you'd save on petrol, pollution, car wear and tear, everything.)

Hell, if people stopped driving everywhere, plenty of them might not have to go the gym at all.

Thanks for all your responses. However it's not just the roads that worry me, there's some blimmin weirdos around right?

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
No, not should. Unless there is a good reason not to, year 6 is a good time for them to start getting themselves to school independently.
You have to let kids grow up.

Bearlover, your DCs are at much more risk of being injured, or worse, as the passengers in a car, than they are from risk of abduction. Your car might feel like an invulnerable box, but it isn't.

And they need to learn how to navigate the world, assess risk, deal with other people, in order to not be instantly vulnerable the minute you are no longer there to ferry them from A to B.

there's some blimmin weirdos around right?
Not enough to stop allowing children the room to grow up.
What age ARE you going to let her go out alone?

Never

When I was 11 I used to take two underground trains and a bus, in a foreign country to my school. It took over an hour. Perfectly happily.

I drop dd (year 9) at school everyday. There are no buses to the school and (as we are semi rural) the road to the school isnt lit or even has footpaths for most of it. It would take 40 mins at least to walk. She starts at 8am. I wouldnt want her to set off at 7.20am to walk on a dark path, with not lighting or footpaths.

I also drive past the school on my way to work. The school has a drop off point.

However we are moving next year and one of the reasons is that i think she needs more indepence. Life will be easier for us not having to pick her up. Ds will be going to that school in a few years and i want him walking from year 7.

I do think, where possible, its good for kids to do this and if dd could reasonably get herself to school she would be.

Public transport to DS & DD's school takes 1.5 hrs, 2 buses and a walk, and gets them there 1hr early in the morning.
In the afternoon it takes 1.5 hrs, 2 buses, a walk and the bus journey starts 1 hr after school finishes.
We are obviously rural & the journey takes 20 mins each way in the car.
Many many parents drop off & pick up at their school. It's the obvious thing to do.

I do agree there's a huge difference between driving your child to school, esp if you are passing anyway, to walking them in for no real reason. Maybe as a one off as you happen to be going that way but not every day