To drop my secondary school age child to school?

[Bearlover16]

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

See what she wants to do, it can be part of the experience of going off to school with their mates. It is also good exercise when she spends her bus fare on sweets and walks instead.

I think it's an age when either choice is fine.

There are far too many variables to judge.

With children at secondary school many if not most families will have the adults in the household out to work, there are families with one or more people with a disability, the distance between school and home varies a lot, as do the types or roads. The timing and location of after school activities will vary, some children don't do much physical activity so would benefit from a walk twice a day, some just enjoy the freedom.

Letting your kids jump in the car for a lift, particularly if you're going that way anyway really doesn't hinder their 'independence'. 😂😂

Mine have been a bit lazy re walking to school and I seem to have got into a habit of taking them but they're certainly incredibly independent in other ways. Get buses and trains all over the place, inc central London, and the south coast, to meet friends.

Now they're mid teens I see it as a chance to catch up with them en route to school.

How far is quite far? I can understand if you're on the way to work, or you live rurally, will she really want you to walk her to school when she is 12?

A lot of secondary students enjoy the walk home with school friends. It's a chance to unwind from lessons and socialise.
They also learn some journey planning and how to deal with the occasional unexpected on a journey.

We do a mix and match, depending on the weather, how much they need to carry, who is in clubs, etc. I have two in secondary and two in primary. The primary dc enjoy walking in to school early for breakfast club (it's an ad hoc arrangement) so they either nip out on their own or I drop them on the corner as I drive on to the highschool. The older ones usually walk home but prefer a lift whenever possible. It's usually not a problem to arrange things.

I don't think there's much "should" about it. If they have friends walking or bussing from nearby they'd probably rather walk together.

Plenty of people do drive judging by the traffic around our local schools - though again I'd want to avoid adding to it if possible. Maybe find a good drop off point a few streets away to avoid the congestion and make it easier to find each other.

You don't have to do the same every day either. I used to get lifts on days I had to carry PE kit + musical instrument + schoolbag, cycle otherwise. (It was too far to sensibly walk.)

My kids are more likely to get taken in Y7 than Y6 - primary is 5 minutes walk and one quiet road, secondaries are close to an hour walk and several major roads.

If you do opt to drive your DC to/from school, then just don't drive and park like complete prat outside the school gates, as an awful lot of parents are.

It depends on the distance, your own commitments e.g. go you pass school on your way to work & the amount of equipment they are taking.

We live too far for Ds to walk. The bus route notvonly means a change of bus but he'd have to travel in the opposite direction to connect to a bus to take him back the other way to school. It would take an hour & school starts at 8.40am. It's a 10-15 min drive that's only a slight detour from my way to work.

Most days he walks back to his grandparents house (45 min walk) as they live closer to school unless he's staying late for an activity then I pick him up on his way to work.

If he went to the school just up the road from our house then of course he'd walk.

Quite a few of the girls in P5/6/7 here walk to and from school with their mums or nans, for company and chat. I might still be walking with DD3 when she's that age too, for the same reasons. At high school? Fuck no - she'd probably spontaneously combust with embarrassment. I fully expect her to start disowning me soon after her age reaches double figures, if her older sisters are anything to go by.

There's a difference in dropping her at school and taking her to school, don't be there walking her to the door in the morning and there waiting outside it when she comes out, it's not the done thing at high school. I drive mine to school, drop them off and then after school meet them at the local shop - literally no parents are waiting outside the gate - ever!

I think there is no hurry in year Six. They will be doing it in high school and that's soon enough. You could walk with her a couple of times to the high school in the summer so as she knows the route, and will then be fine. I very much doubt all the kids in year Six walk home. In my school the majority get collected.

DS has just started Y7 and when we went to the new parent induction evening the head told us that he expects all children who live within 15 miles of the school to arrive under their own steam. We live 4 miles away so DS either cycles or gets the bus. I'm a SAHM so could drive him but I do believe he needs to develop his independence and have been preparing him for this since half way through Y5. Most kids at the school make their own way with quite a few travelling 35 miles on public transport.

I might mention that the majority of children and parents/grandparents etc. who walk to DD3's school live, like us, less than 15 minutes walk away. As I mentioned previously, the older ones, chiefly girls, tend to walk with parents or grandparents for company, not because they need to be supervised on their way to school. Like them, I may continue to walk with DD3 in later primary years if she's okay with it, as we like to chat, and the walk up and down the hill each morning and afternoon does me good. Ain't no head teacher going to tell me I can't walk 🚶 with own daughter to school if we're both happy doing so!

"my own daughter" obv.

I don't think that there is any "should" about it. I drive my dc (aged 16 and 12) every day because the school coach is ridiculously expensive for two and public transport would take an age. I do it because it gives me time with them and they have to talk rather than wander off to play on their phones, it gets me up, dressed and out of the house and my dd has a physical disability and having a lift helps her. They both then come home on their own (unless they have sports matches or late things after school) so that they have some independence. Seems to work well for us but you should do what you think is right.

Mine will be going to secondary school next September too. Hopefully the closest one 45 minutes walk away. I don’t drive so won’t be dropping him off. However, we’ve discussed that he needs to start learning independence but is vulnerable with mobility issues. So I will be walking 30 ft behind him pretending we don’t know each other.

I think if there is no other way of easily getting to school then fair enough.
But if it's a walking distance or if there is a school bus then they should make their own way to school. There were plenty of times when either of my parents had a day off work and could have easily drove me to school but I walked as it was my responsibility to get myself to school when it was so easy to get to. I never sulked about it.

DH gives DD1 (14) a lift to school in the mornings and she makes her own way home. She is a bit rubbish in the mornings and he is going that way anyway. If he is not going that way for some reason, she gets the bus.

DD2 (13) makes her own way to and from school (different school) although sometimes I need ot go in the same direction for work and she permits me to travel with her so long as none of her friends are around!

It is actually amazing how quickly they become independent. We are in London and they now travel round London by public transport, and DD1 has even taken a (short) flight without an adult (met at the other end).

When they were younger (even last year at primary) I definitely would not have imagined them doing this. The test should be when they are ready to take independent steps, not when the parent is ready (subject to sensible limits of course). it is great to see them becoming more indepdendent.

OP: Are you planning to walk your DD to secondary school or drive & drop her / collect in a car? I don't care if you walk but I resent people who add to traffic congestion unnecessarily.

Plus it's free exercise to walk & most of us need a lot more exercise than we get, especially if we don't take opportunities to walk to places.

What Iljkk said: please avoid driving if you possibly can.

Also, you probably will find that whatever you do about the school run, by the time your dd has settled into Yr 7, she will want to become more independent in all sorts of ways and lots of social activities with be based on young people going out together rather than having playdates arranged for them by parents.

The vast majority of people I went to school with were dropped off and picked up. Letting an 11 year old make their own way home just seems a little bit irresponsible to me.

I will be driving because we won't have time to walk (ds attends special school and school bus doesn't collect him till 8.30). I just can't imagine letting her walk alone. As I said earlier a lot of her peers now, walk to and from school alone and it baffles me as I know most of their parents do not work.

My daughter and I are very close so I hope she doesn't mind in secondry. I won't be going up to the school doors though as I do in primary.