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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop my secondary school age child to school?

143 replies

Bearlover16 · 12/10/2017 15:29

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

OP posts:
Brittbugs80 · 13/10/2017 07:48

I still drop to primary, year 5 and collect and will do until he leaves because it's a two hour walk away.

His secondary school is a 45 minute walk away so the plan is to do the walk over the summer hols before he starts so he gets used it then make him walk half on his own and build it up. If he doesn't get into that secondary school, the next nearest one is an hour and half bus journey or hour by train so he would probably end up getting taken on some days or collected some days while he is there.

And no, it's not making him lazy, I just feel it's nice to offer him a half hour lift home rather than an hour and a half on a bus with 15 minutes walks either end or an hour on the train and 20 minute walks either end in shit weather.

MuddlingThroughLife · 13/10/2017 07:54

I've always driven mine to primary - five minutes by car but a good 45 minute walk. However once they are in high school they make their own way there and back. My two girls are year 11 and year 8 and walk every day. Ds is year 6 and on a phased return to school following treatment for a brain tumour. Not sure yet but he may need to be driven to to and from school. We will have to see how his walking and balance issues go.

lljkk · 13/10/2017 08:14

My kids have enjoyed the commute. The bus/train/walking time is a huge part of their social life.

EvilCleverDog · 13/10/2017 08:16

I'm lucky my dc school is a 3 minute walk away but they'd be getting the bus if it wasn't!

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 13/10/2017 08:18

Thanks for all your responses. However it's not just the roads that worry me, there's some blimmin weirdos around right?

Ah... I see, yes, good attempt at being a GF but you've given yourself right away with that one.

CamperVamp · 13/10/2017 09:05

God, yes, the school bus! Was the highlight of my day. With friends, hearing all sorts from sixth formers, Meeting boyfriends.

In Yr 7 a friend and I wrote a complete novel, between us, on the morning journeys.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/10/2017 09:11

There will come a time (sooner, rather than later) when being dropped at the school gates (and especially being picked up) will be the last thing she wants.
I could drop DD off three times a week if I wanted to, but to be honest we'd probably need to leave earlier than when she walks plus I cannae be asked mostly. My compromise is only when it is really lashing down (stair rods) as once last April she walked and her shoes were still drenched the next day). I sometimes also pick her up on a Friday (as a treat when she a friend stopping over).

Original poster
Bearlover16 · 13/10/2017 09:46

Coffee..whats a GF?

OP posts:
Coffeetasteslikeshit · 13/10/2017 09:52

Goody fucker

Original poster
Bearlover16 · 13/10/2017 09:56

How is that relevant? Hmm

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 13/10/2017 10:06

The problem op in not letting her do anything.Is that she will never learn.My ma was l8ke you , over bearing and over protecive, it really hurt my tee she years.Not being allowed to do anything.

And my 2 boys aged 8 and 9 walk home from school alone.I walk with them in the morn ing cause my youngest who's6 goes too that school.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/10/2017 10:46

His secondary school is a 45 minute walk away so the plan is to do the walk over the summer hols before he starts so he gets used it

I think this is a good idea, BrittBugs. And, if it helps to reassure you, my DS was doing a 30-40 min walk to school (though not alone!) from the age of 4, and while it was an absolute pain in the arse for me some of the time (as I work), it was really, really good for him, as he got very used to walking, and arrived at school having had exercise, and was thus ready to sit down and start his school day.

And at secondary, where there is less breaktime and less running about (because it's not cool), that everyday exercise becomes even more important.

GhostsToMonsoon · 13/10/2017 10:59

I walked to and from school alone from year 7 (it was only a short walk). I don't remember anyone walking with their parents. I think it would have been regarded as very embarrassing.

I haven't seen any high school kids walking with their parents where I live, apart from maybe if they are walking back and meet their parents outside the primary school picking up younger siblings. They either walk or cycle back alone or in small groups and some get the bus. Some are driven by their parents even though the catchment area is not very large.
I have seen a few Y6 children making their way to and from school alone.

MissEliza · 13/10/2017 11:04

I think the only reason for a child to get a lift to school is if it is too far to walk. Walking gives them exercise, lets them chat to friends, teaches independence and also gives them some chill time before they walk in the door and have their parents say 'how was school?' Moreover parents who drop their dcs at school create pollution and congestion around the school. Therefore if walking is an option YABVU to drop her at school.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 13/10/2017 11:16

There's no issue with being dropped by car to school, being walked to school is a massive issue and won't be good for your DD

ArcheryAnnie · 13/10/2017 11:20

There's no issue with being dropped by car to school

There's lots of issues, SheSaid - maybe ones you don't mind, but they are there.

Knusper · 13/10/2017 11:32

At her age, I think that your DD would probably benefit from opportunities to do things on her own. IMO, NT kids of this age need the confidence that comes with it.

If getting herself to school alone isn't an option, then popping to the shops, visiting a friend, going to the postbox, walking to an activity, whatever.

My 10yo has recently started a school commute that involves cycling to the local station (quiet roads luckily), a short train journey and short walk at the other end. I wouldn't allow her to do this alone, but with a friend or two it's fine. Nail biting for me. But completely within the kids' abilities. Their confidence has soared.

We have the 'developing independence' box ticked with school, so I'm happy to drive her to clubs, friends etc. when it's more convenient. You don't have to do everything at once.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 13/10/2017 12:27

Archery I'm purely talking from an embarrassment side of things for the DD

RedSkyAtNight · 13/10/2017 12:35

Taking your DC to school because it's too far/complicated/time consuming for them to get there under their own steam is fine.
(although in this case I'd suggest they should be offered other opportunities to gain independence - walking to local shop/ playing out with friends/going to town)

Not letting your DC travel independently to school because you're worried (for no good reason) about them getting there (and weirdoes) is your issue, not theirs, and will not help them get on in life!

dustarr73 · 13/10/2017 12:53

Well there is a middle ground,drop them most of the way but then they get to walk in with their friends.

paxillin · 13/10/2017 16:03

Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

Why? The child is or isn't ready. They need it, I do it. They don't need it, I don't. I'm trying to get them ready for life after childhood, I thought that is the general idea of parenting?

londonmummy1966 · 13/10/2017 16:25

DD1 took bus to school in Year 5 (aged 9) with girl who lived round corner and took her younger sister in Year 3. I walked them to the bus stop and saw them onto the bus. In year 7 & 8 DD1 had to be dropped off at school as she had to get in an hour early for music practice when there was no one around and it was a very dodgy area (attempted abductions of schoolgirls). DD2 was expected to negotiate trains in and out of major London terminal from the start of year 7 and parents told that their job was to make sure that they could all make their way into school by various routes by the end of the first full week of Year 7. SO it depends on the child and the location of the school.

Davros · 13/10/2017 17:08

I walked to school for 10 mins on my own from about age 8 while my mum sat at home drinking tea. When I got to secondary age, I was pointed at the tube station and told to get on with it. Two tubes and a bus each way, over an hour's journey, which ruined my secondary school experience. Lots of other girls travelled into school but none as far away and none alone. So I've got a lot of baggage! I drive DD (14) to school every morning, it is a 10 minute drive. Sorry folks but I don't feel guilty about it. It makes such a difference to her and means mornings are calm and relaxed, it's a small thing that makes her life much easier and we really do have extra bonding in that short time. She walks home on her own, usually with mates and she does lots of other things independently (even went to Brighton with a friend in the summer). I don't want her adolescence to be some sort of contest to make her do things to prove that she can, especially when it makes her life easier and is a small thing for me. My mum did nothing for me and didn't know where I was half the time. I don't want to be like that so I probably go to the other extreme sometimes to make her life easier

Brittbugs80 · 13/10/2017 21:33

I think this is a good idea, BrittBugs

We are quite lucky with the walk as it involves 3 road crosses but two of them have crossings and the first one is a cul de sac.

I think he will be fine, but at the moment he still feels to young to be walking on his own!

Voice0fReason · 14/10/2017 10:05

I think there is a huge difference between driving your kids to school because they would have a horrific journey on public transport. And travelling with them (walking or driving) because you don't want them to be out on their own. If you do that then you really have to consider the long-term effects. You are not giving them room to grow and be independent.