Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drop my secondary school age child to school?

143 replies

Bearlover16 · 12/10/2017 15:29

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

OP posts:
AccrualIntentions · 12/10/2017 19:41

I don't know anyone who got dropped off or picked up by their parents at secondary school. Everyone got the bus/train, or walked if they lived near enough. But it's probably different if it's a private school or a rural area.

AccrualIntentions · 12/10/2017 19:42

Why can't you imagine letting her walk alone? I can see how you'd feel that way about your 11 year old but when she's 13, 14, 15? You'd be doing her a massive disservice if you don't give her the opportunity to develop that independence. Even if it does involve busy roads Confused

daisypond · 12/10/2017 19:44

In year 5 and 6, the primary school held a parents' meeting about secondary school transition. It was strongly suggested that children should be making their way to and from primary school by themselves in the majority of cases, as a preparation for secondary school where most children would be travelling by bus, Tube and train by themselves. We live in zone 2 London.

mintteaandbananabread · 12/10/2017 19:44

As I said earlier a lot of her peers now, walk to and from school alone and it baffles me as I know most of their parents do not work

Why are you baffled that they make the perfectly reasonable decision to let their child walk to school?

You aren't baffled at all, you're judging them. At least be honest about it.

treeofhearts · 12/10/2017 19:49

Oh god please don't take her to secondary school if you don't absolutely have to. When I was at school the kids whose parents walked or drove them to school were a laughing stock. They got picked on and slated relentlessly for being mummies boy/girl. Do your dd a favour and give her some independence.

titchy · 12/10/2017 19:50

You don't really mean you go up to the actual school doors do you? You mean you leave her in the playground or at the gate surely?

I don't see any reason for you not to give her a lift to secondary if you're going that way or the journey is a complete pain in the arse. But doing it because you don't trust her to cross a couple of main roads is infantilising her. She needs to learn to cross roads safely without you urgently and you're doing her no favours if you're stopping her do this.

This time next year she'll be wanting to meet up with new friends in town and to travel there and back independently. Will you allow her to develop the skills to do this safely?

fleshmarketclose · 12/10/2017 19:55

I take and collect y10 dd, her friend and her friend's sister, it's ten minutes in the car but 45 minutes by bus as there is no direct route or school bus. Judging by how many cars go into the school car park and the fact that there is a designated drop off zone I'd say in dd's school it's pretty common that dc are taken to and collected from school.

mintteaandbananabread · 12/10/2017 19:58

Yes, the ones that can't walk or cycle, it's normal and common.

d270r0 · 12/10/2017 20:02

Fine as long as you drive. A secondary school aged kid would be teased to death if their mum walked them in to school.
Bear in mind walking is better than driving, certainly for an exercise point of view though. Some kids would get no exercise at all if they didn't walk to school, apart from the occasional PE lesson.

CamperVamp · 12/10/2017 20:06

Unless the walk or public transport is not reasonably manageable , and in the absence of any SEN, there is no way in hell I would drop and pick up from Yr 6 onwards.

I'm not driving a kid to school, using petrol, causing pollution etc because my kids can't get themselves up or rely on a lift.

It isn't 'done' amongst any London kids I know anyway, and they would be mortified.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/10/2017 20:08

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should?

Why teach them to tie their shoes, cook, wipe their arses or anything else? To prepare them for adulthood. To help them become effective, independent people. Navigation, time management, assessing risk and responsibility are important. And one of the ways we can teach them is this.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/10/2017 20:12

Japanese kids take the train alone from about 7 years old to school. I wouldn't allow that in a million years (I'd be too freaked out!), but it's a perfectly normal cultural practice there, apparently.

In year 7, though - well, I went on the bus with DS for the first couple of weeks to secondary school, and met him and another kid (at the request of the other kid's mum) to walk home. And then I dropped it when I realised they were perfectly capable of doing it by themselves, and all the other kids were travelling alone already.

ArcheryAnnie · 12/10/2017 20:13

Fine as long as you drive.

No, still infantilising, and also incredibly annoying to anyone who lives near the secondary school.

Let them learn to navigate the world, even if it takes them half an hour on the bus rather than 10 mins in your car. They will need to learn, and we do them no favours by not allowing it.

lljkk · 12/10/2017 20:20

Great big "I don't trust you or have any faith in you" message you're sending out to your kid, OP.

lljkk · 12/10/2017 20:22

At what age did you walk to school, alone, @Bearlover16 ?

Ilovehamabeads · 12/10/2017 20:27

DD had a friend with a Mum like this. They aren't friends any longer, drifted apart in year 7 after he poor girl was not allowed to walk to and from school with her friends, wasn't allowed to walk into town on weekends, or go to the park. Wasn't allowed to catch a bus, go to Starbucks after school, or basically do anything that involved crossing a road. Because she was ferried everywhere she had absolutely no road sense at all and hadn't been taught to cross roads safely. I feel sorry for her, she has no real independence.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 12/10/2017 20:35

I don't drive and dh leaves for work very early. My children are all very young still but when they go to highschool they will have to walk to the bus stop and then catch a bus alone. I won't be able to go with as I have three children and will be walking the younger ones to primary school when the eldest starts highschool. For this reason I will.start having them do some walks to school alone when in year 6. I feel it will help them get used to it. Still not worked out how this will work as they will all be at the same school but I'm sure we will figure it out.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 12/10/2017 20:38

Just to add, I'd have been really embarrassed if my mum got the bus with me to school. In know some children wouldn't be but I would have, very much so. Dropping them off in the car coz its convenient, yeah, getting on the bus with them and walking them into school/home is a bit embarrassing imo

AtiaoftheJulii · 12/10/2017 20:45

I will be driving because we won't have time to walk (ds attends special school and school bus doesn't collect him till 8.30)

What time does her secondary school start? It must be pretty close if you can leave after 8.30 and have her there in time!

My kids have mostly got themselves to school, with occasional exceptions. The youngest has just started y10 - she's spent the last three years leaving home at 7.25 to get the bus (usually two so she doesn't have to walk!) to school. In fact she used to have to go out a bit earlier before they changed the bus times, and that's what her older sister also did all the way through secondary school.

I'm soon to change bases for work so I can drive her to school though. Because she's recently been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and is constantly exhausted. I'm baffled as to why people drive healthy children to school Wink

(I'm not really!)

AtiaoftheJulii · 12/10/2017 20:47

I drive my dc (aged 16 and 12) every day because the school coach is ridiculously expensive for two and public transport would take an age. .... They both then come home on their own

How do they get home?

AlexanderHamilton · 12/10/2017 20:48

At dd's junior school children were not allowed to walk home alone. I did used to drop him off by car on the road where school was but most parents walked their children to the path leading into the playground.

PoppyPopcorn · 12/10/2017 20:49

Jeezo. How are children ever going to learn to do anything when their parents can't bear the idea of them crossing a road? It's a basic life skill, FFS.

Cotton wool kids - not half.

AlexanderHamilton · 12/10/2017 20:49

Atia - presumably gong home is easier as there is no time limit. Ds could get a bus home if he liked. The bus times are better in the afternoon. To get to school on time he'd either have to arrive at school 45 mins early or 5 mins late.

AccrualIntentions · 12/10/2017 20:52

Just to add, I'd have been really embarrassed if my mum got the bus with me to school.

Ditto. I had to get a metro and a bus, and I just did a couple of practice runs with my mam in the summer holidays before I started Y7 so that I was confident about where I was going.

onceandneveragain · 12/10/2017 20:53

Surprised at all the people saying children would be mocked for being dropped off at school once in secondary - was this the case 30 years ago or something, when fewer people had two cars per household, and generally drove less/shorter distances?

It wasn't an issue at all when I was in school 10 years ago, and doesn't seem to be now - on my way to work I go past two comprehensives (1 normal, 1 religiously affiliated) and one fee paying school and there are loads of kids from ages 11-18 being dropped off outside all of them. Lots also walk or get the buses of course, but I can't imagine they get teased if so many of them happily get lifts.

I wouldn't advocate anyone going out of their way to drop their kids off if there are suitable alternatives, but if you are driving past or very near the school anyway at a convenient time then it seems ridiculous and mean to make them walk in the rain/pay for a bus solely for the purpose of making them more independent.

I will say though that secondary school pupils now don't seem to carry half the rubbish I did though. I remember Yr 7 being absolutely dwarfed by a giant rucksack with 5 exercise books, 5 textbooks, lunchbox, homework diary, PE kit, towel, trainers, etc. It weighed a ton and I was ecstatic whenever I could have a lift home! Assume they do a lot more electronic stuff now.