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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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... A bit upset to be referred to, by a 3rd party, as 'huge'?

552 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/10/2017 10:21

Just this....

Someone referred to me as this... You'll recognise her.. She's the huge girl...

Apart from rudeness... At what size does someone become 'huge'.. I appreciate it's all relative etc etx...

PS I'm an (in proportion) size 18-20 and 5 foot 8. So to me tallish and curvy...

OP posts:
Mominatrix · 14/10/2017 21:13

In terms of frames, just how much do you think bones weigh and how many pounds do you thinkable between the different frames?

Mominatrix · 14/10/2017 21:14

Think are....I cannot type sensibly on iPads.

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/10/2017 21:20

It isn't just bones.

LittleWitch · 14/10/2017 22:02

To me, “huge” would definitely be more or mostly about height rather than girth. Someone would have to be both tall and heavy for me to consider them huge. The OP is not tall enough to be huge to my mind. To give you an example, I would describe Robbie Coltrane as huge. Arnold Schwartzenegger is huge. I can’t think of any huge women tbh.

I wouldn’t describe anybody as huge to anyone else even if I thought it.

fat124 · 14/10/2017 22:12

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Ollivander84 · 14/10/2017 22:27

Curvy is a shape. You can be a size 6 and curvy or a size 20 and not curvy
Just because someone is overweight, doesn't mean they don't know about TDEE and BMR. I am eating below my BMR daily but it takes time to lose weight

fat124 · 14/10/2017 22:30

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Booie09 · 14/10/2017 22:38

Let's face it your all jumping to conclusions of what the OP looks like but we have not seen a photo!! Every single one of us is unique and no to body shapes are the same!

fat124 · 14/10/2017 22:40

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Booie09 · 14/10/2017 22:44

fat124 your a fucking charmer! Twat

carefreeeee · 14/10/2017 23:12

It's hurtful but if they didn't intend you to overhear then possibly not rude as such. Bitchy certainly. People say all sorts behind others' backs. Best not to listen. You probably are a bit overweight but then someone else may have terrible hair/bad breath/an unpleasant personality. No one's perfect and being fat is no worse than any other imperfection.

SabineUndine · 14/10/2017 23:15

The issue was s not what the op looks like but whether it’s appropriate to describe someone in such terms.

And NO it fucking well isn’t. It’s offensive and arrogant.

bingbongnoise · 14/10/2017 23:29

Remember @StrangeLookingParasite you are in the parallel universe of mumsnet, where many women who are over 30, and have had children, are a size 4, have a 20.5 inch waist, weigh seven stone, are 5 ft 6 inches tall, who cook the food they grew themselves from scratch, and think anyone over a size 10 is 'obese.'

I am 5 ft 4 inches tall, 10 stone 11 pounds, and a size 14. I have been between 8 and a half stone, and 14 and a half stone throughout my teens and adult life, and I can categorically say I look my BEST at 10 to 11 stone. Even though the 'charts' say I am overweight.

At 10 to 11 stone, I look healthy, and younger than my age, I have glowing skin, lush hair, curves in the right places, and I look good in clothes. At 8 stone, I looked gaunt and grey in the face, and my hair was lank. I was also asked -a LOT - if I was ill. Yet many of the BMI and weight charts said that was my 'ideal weight.'

These charts are a pile of shit. Being thin and petite does not automatically mean you are healthier or more attractive than someone who is classed as chubby.

Also, re the women from Southeast Asia; I believe they do have a decent life span, yet my husband works with 3 South east Asian Women, (Filipino, Vietnamese, and Chinese,) all aged 30 to 40, and all around 5 foot 2, and 7 stone. Every single one of them is always ill. They constantly have colds and sniffles and coughs and chest infections. And they often look grey and ill. My husband says they rarely eat.

But apart from this, women from this part of the world are very slightly built anyway, like almost a child-like frame. And in other parts of the world (Peru, Chile, Northern Canada, Iceland) women are often big builds.

As I said, these charts are shyte, because they do not take into account peoples build, and what their ethnic origin is.

HelenaDove · 14/10/2017 23:32

bingbong great post.

bingbongnoise · 14/10/2017 23:34
Blush

Thank you @HelenaDove. I am used to being cussed and told off on here for being too outspoken/gobby/opinionated LOL!

SleightOfMind · 14/10/2017 23:39

If my most distinguishing immediate physical attribute was my larger than average size, I'm not sure how I'd prefer people to refer to it.
I don't think Huge, Large, Big, are judgemental. I wouldn't like Fat, Enormous or Massive though.
It is rude and thoughtless to comment on someone's appearance. I think in this case I'd be upset that people saw me as huge, rather than upset with people who called me huge though.
Hope you're ok OP, this thread has been a bit bruising.

ReallyConvolutedCareerHistory · 14/10/2017 23:41

I’m originally from SouthEast Asia. It’s recommended we calculate our BMI by 10% less than the Western standard.

However I am also 5’8” and a size 16.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/10/2017 23:48

Re the women from Southeast Asia; I believe they do have a decent life span, yet my husband works with 3 South east Asian Women, (Filipino, Vietnamese, and Chinese,) all aged 30 to 40, and all around 5 foot 2, and 7 stone. Every single one of them is always ill. They constantly have colds and sniffles and coughs and chest infections. And they often look grey and ill. My husband says they rarely eat.

I was with you right up until this point of your post. It's great that you are happy with your weight and how you look. But why is it OK for you and your husband to judge these women? How does he know they are 7 stone? How does he know they rarely eat? I really don't think it's anything to be proud of that your DH has passed judgement on these women and their appearances, sorry. I hate "thin shaming" just as much as I hate "fat shaming".

bingbongnoise · 14/10/2017 23:51

Another thing is, many southeast Asian women who live past 75/80 are not generally 6 to 7 stone with a BMI of 9. They are more of a normal/regular weight for their height. If any of them are going to be like this, they will usually be 45 or younger. (That doesn't mean ALL of them in this age group will be like this.)

Eg, I know 2 elderly women aged 75 and 77 (Chinese and Japanese,) and they are about 5 ft 2 inches tall and around 9 stone. I don't know any southeast Asian women over pension age who are very tiny small builds. They are all normal builds and weights for their height, and they have a healthy appetite.

@ReallyConvolutedCareerHistory..., interesting post, thank you. :)

CalmanOnSpeeddial · 14/10/2017 23:55

Optimum BMI for height increases with age for all races. A Northern European 24 year old with a BMI of 27 would be at slightly increased health risk. A 54 year old with that BMI would be spot on. (These are approximate figures but roughly right).

bingbongnoise · 14/10/2017 23:55

@Showmethepotatosalad

My husband doesn't JUDGE the women FGS. (And neither am I!) He is just giving an opinion, and has worked with them for a long time, so he can see how little they eat. And he knows what they weigh as he hears them say it.

He also hears them saying what they eat (and how little it is.)

No-one is JUDGING, just commenting on the subject!

bingbongnoise · 14/10/2017 23:56

Some people could start an argument in an empty room I swear!! Hmm

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/10/2017 00:05

It's not an argument, it's just a difference of opinion. I disagreed with a tiny portion of your comment and generally agreed with the rest of it.

It's fine to disagree and have differing opinions - all I was doing was stating my opinion on something. My opinion is I think everyone should be able to be the size and shape they want to be without being shamed or judged by other people.

This thread has proved really quite unpleasant (I am not aiming that comment at any one person by the way). I don't know if others feel that way but this thread seems particularly bad.

WeatherDependent · 15/10/2017 05:08

I’m ‘huge’ compared to most of my friends. I’m 5’9 and they’re all 5’5, I have recently put some weight on (can still fit in size 12 just) but I do look much bigger than them. I must find taller friends!

WriterByTheSea · 15/10/2017 05:14

I am sorry this happened to you :(

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