As a happily married man, together 15 years and married for 3, I’ll happily admit to owning and using a fleshlight, however, the ones I own are all non-anatomical, it’s just one with a hole and it’s textured inside for stimulation, I don’t like the look/idea of a vagina or mouth opening that doesn’t seem right to me.
My wife knows I have them and has occasionally watched me use them, she calls them “my machines”!! She’ll get up on a weekend morning to go to the gym and joke “can’t be bothered to have sex, you can just use your machine!!”
I was very nervous about buying one and took ages of discussion with my best friend (female) about the “creepiness” of it, she’s the only other person who knows I have one. She told me to go for it, it’s just w*nking a different way and that’s how I see it too.
After 20 years of using my hands in as many ways as possible it’s nice to have something that makes it a bit different. It is in no way a replacement for sex, I don’t view it that way, it’s just a different way of reaching an orgasm, plus it catches the mess!!
I can understand how OP would feel, PND is a rough ride and then to find a “rubber fanny” it must be really tough and feel like rejection and especially for him to lie about it, that’s possibly the worst part, it feels like a very embarrassing thing though, the thought that you could be disgusted by it is a scary thing.
Perhaps your husband got it and used it because he can see how tough you’re finding things and didn’t want to add pressure of constantly wanting sex to that stress. One of the original reasons I got one was because my wife was having a torrid time at work and had zero interest in sex, I didn’t want to pressure her so this seemed worth a try. It in no way replaces her but it was soemthing different for the 10 months we went without full intercourse.
I hope you feel better about all this soon, if sex is an issue and you, understandably aren’t in the mood, then cuddling him while he takes care himself is a great way of being intimate without feeling like you need to “perform” we use this very successfully together.
Anyway, just wanted to add my thoughts, sorry it’s pretty long for a first post but I thought I had something to add!! Plus I love reading Mumsnet cos you get real answers and opinions from real people.