Fleshlight

[user1023015]

How would you react if you found your partner had a fleshlight? Is it "just natural"? You found one 5 years ago he got rid of it but now you find another. He lies and says it's something else untill Google proves you right.

Personaly I see no difference between that and a prostitute if yiu base it on the fact that they don't want a relationship with either.

WWYD?

I'm laughing at the user name of the person who made the ridiculous prostitute comment 😀

I thought a flesh light was one of the ear spacer things! That's what I've been calling them

He seems to think I'm just this sexless person now but I really don't want to be.

What is he doing or saying that makes you feel this way?

He just tells me "you don't want sex so what do you expect me to do". But iv never said I don't want sex. Our child sleeps in our room (we don't have anywhere else for the baby to sleep) and he constantly goes to bed really late so I don't know when we would find the time to do this other than planning it out and then wheres the romance in that? When we do have sex I feel like I have to push for it and it then just becomes too clinical.

Well a flesh light isn't going to give you herpes.

Getting back into the "romantic" swing of things after a baby can be really hard. Especially when you have PND. Unfortunately, once kids come along, I find planning it is the only way you're going to do it!

Tell him you do want sex, and you want to re-establish your sex life, and plan a date night.

Not the same as a prostitute at all, same as a woman owning a vibrator.

Its just a wanking aid. Noones got any right to try and control how another person wanks when theyre in private, whether youre his partner or not.

Our child sleeps in our and he constantly goes to bed really late so I don't know when we would find the time to do this

You seem to working on the basis sex has to be in the bedroom. What's wrong with the living room once the baby is in bed. You've got plenty other options of where to do it if the bedroom doesn't work. Why not instigate it one evening when you're watching telly.

That's all I want really. We cant really do a date night outside the house because we have no childcare. I don't live near family and don't have any friends in my area since having a baby. How do other people do date night at home? Does anyone have any ideas for how to get that spark back. I know if I carry on down this road the only option would be to seperate and deep down I don't want that for me or my child

So no women should have vibrators then op? Double standards.

This is meant with sensitivity.

But I do think you need to be mindful because if a partner interrogated me about a perfectly respectable main stream sex aid that didn’t involve the use of a third party or pornography to use (I give that exemption because third parties and pornography are acceptable things to have an opinion on an adult in your home doing) I would be furious.
Adults are entitled to have privacy they are entitled to masturbate assuming they are not neglecting lives or committing offences whilst doing so and it is their business regardless of their relationship status

t know when we would find the time to do this other than planning it out and then wheres the romance in that?

Unfortunately that’s parenthood. It gets better as they get older but we still have to do a bit of planning most of the time unless we have the house to ourselves.

This isn’t about the fleshlight though, lord my husband buys my toys for me. Wanking is normal or anybody and nothing to do with the OH.

This is everything to do with your PND and not feeling connected to your partner. Start with the PND and have a proper heart to heart with your dude. He needs to help.

OP if I were you I'd start a different thread about your relationship after your baby as I'm not sure you will get many sensible answers now with the title of your thread as "fleshlight".

jake

I use paid for childcare if I want to go on a date. Off duty nursery workers are fairly good for that sort of thing if you can’t afford a nanny

I'm not saying people shouldn't have vibrators. I don't have one myself. If your partners crying out for attention though I wouldn't give my attention to a rubber toy. I am by ni means trying to offend anyone that does use sex toys. I just don't want my partner to use it as an alternative to me

Date night doesn't have to be outside the house (it wasn't when DS was born for us). It was take out, Netflix and wine on the couch on a Friday evening. I'd put on a little lingerie under the pajama's to make myself feel sexy (I tried not to look in the mirror though cause that would have ruined it! ). Sometimes it's a wink, a "ya wanna" and a sprint to the couch when we got the kids down for a nap.

The point is, your time and ability is limited, so you need to plan or take advantage of openings. It's a lot different than sex used to be.

If your partners crying out for attention though I wouldn't give my attention to a rubber toy.

He might not be getting that vibe though. I think you need a heart to heart. Tell him what you want. But you both need to have reasonable expectations about the amount of romance possible with a new baby.

I didn't even know what they were tbh so I had to google the image and yuk aren't they vile . I can see why you don't like it OP however I don't see it is like having a prostitute , I actually feel sorry for anyone who has to use such a horrible thing, it is so demeaning and somehow pathetic imho

Do you feel the same about women using vibrators mrsmadevans Because it's basically the same thing

Hi OP
You've had lots of good advice here about dealing with your partner & date nights and so on.
My advice would be to book into a yoga class one evening a week and take a little time to reconnect with yourself. It will do you good, mind & body - and you deserve and need a bit of self-care. When you feel better inside you project that which might help you in your relationship also.
Plus, your partner needs to see that you are up, out, & doing for and by yourself.

Everyone has every right to own and use sex toys, end of. For a lot of men, a toy like this is a considerate option if their partner is too tired, or too sore after childbirth, to want sex.

Is it PIV sex you want, OP, or more a matter of intimacy and connection? (No need to go into too much detail, but sometimes, if you've got a young baby, PIV is not fun and therefore it's better for the man to take care of himself.) Is your H doing his share of childcare/domestic work?

I also think it's worth getting checked for PND, because at the moment you sound both miserable and a bit unwilling to do anything positive to help the situation.

I have some many vibrators, I couldn't possibly say anything. But I would laugh. A lot. Too much, probably.

Less flippantly... My libido goes for most of the first year of having a child. It's then hard getting back into the swing of things. Turn off the TV and just be together. I find I become more interested when I've had time to feel relaxed. Bring the duvet down to the lounge and ask him for a backrub...