To ask why my daughter is being bullied

[CallingPeopleACuntOnFb]

She is 8, year 4.

She has been bullied on and off by different children for about 3 years

She is averagely pretty (I’m saying that because nothing stands out about her, ie very beautiful or very unattractive). She’s average height, very slim, reasonably bright and always clean, nice hair, the “right” School bag / trainers etc

Most importantly she’s sweet and kind and hasn’t got a nasty bone in her body. She does have friends but only a handful. (Although they are lovely little girls and seem to love dd)

After yet another visit to the school I’ve just had enough. I want to know WHY?? Why is she being picked on ?? I just don’t understand it....I feel like there is something “wrong” with her that I’m not seeing 😔

OP - I can clearly understand you and the reason behind your efforts to let her fit in.
I was ugly, overweight, out of fashion, wearing glasses and braces and a teacher's pet and was bullied 10 to 16 - when I lost weight, removed braces, started using contact lenses and faking an out of school life, i.e. 'Pleasing'.
I'm from overseas and already worrying about my newborn baby, his foreign surname, what will be his slower development due to having to be bilingual and a summer baby - I started ttc last October as didn't think we would have made it first time and almost panicked when I had the positive and did the due date calculation. I know it's wrong but I'll do my best to avoid him standing out in any way. I still avoid any kind of confrontation- especially now in a second language-but if anything ever happens to him, I'll become a hungry beast.

It isn't your daughters fault. There is nothing wrong with her. Move her to a different school if you can. Her school sounds shit.

It's great to see so many people on this thread calling out the "bullying is an important part of childhood that helps you grow up" bollocks. Also the other poster who said "that's life I'm afraid" or something along those lines - it's because of attitudes like these that bullying still goes on. for you and your DD, OP, and for all the others who went through similar experiences.

@KERALA1

Well done. You did a good job and the Head should have put a stop to before it if she didn't your approach.

@OldPony I actually had a word with a bit who liked hitting my DD in primary school. I told him to stop it immediately or I'd be telling her to retaliate... then I told his mum.

10 years later, he's still a troublemaker

What a sad thread.
So, OP. What are you actually going to do?

I really think OP needs to work on her dd to say something, anything. Doesn’t have to be quick witted. You’ve been given examples.

And you say she has friends. So doesn’t want to leave? So, she’s no friendless. So, where are we these friends? When all this is going on?

This may seem obvious but has she actually told these bullies to stop it, go away, leave her alone etc?

Some kids are unaware of the effect of their own behaviour and have no idea of the depth of feeling from the person they are annoying.

She absolutely needs to know that she will never be in trouble for standing up for herself even if it means she has to punch one of them hard so they never pick on her again.

Bullies do sense a weakness about people, the first weakness is not saying no.

I don’t think schools are equipped in any way to deal with bullying.

Can she do self defence classes, karate or kick boxing?

People are going on about schools being shit but if the ops dd isn't even reporting she is being hit then what can they do? Most of the time out of lessons most of the pupils in the school won't be being directly supervised. If a child isn't being hit/bullied verbally they need to report it. If the school still do nothing then the parent needs to follow the complaints procedure.

Have you written emails to the school OP? Or do that there is a paper trail?
Complained to the chair, of the board of governors?
School has a duty of care to your dd. She is being failed. Are school flippant and dismissive?

Totally warn these little scumbags that they will regret picking on her again, and don’t accept a no from the school when it comes to sorting it out too

The big one I taught him was that not everyone is nice..If someone is been horrible go and play with someone else.

Sadly, if they're a target, that doesn't always work. Or if they have low confidence it's too big an ask.

If the school are doing nothing, move them to a school that cares. Even if it's a bit harder to get to.

As someone who was a clever, geeky kid at a rough-as-fuck primary, pull her out, seriously. If they've already identified her as 'posh' at 8 and their parents are rough fuckers who aren't going to give a shit, she won't stand a chance as the kids get older and more aware of these differences. Move her to a school where she won't stick out and it sounds like she'll be fine.

I'm sure some people would object to that approach, but been there, and no way in a million years would I ever do that to mine.

Thanks to all the posters since I’ve last been on

An update: Dd has been apologised to and the 2 protagonists spoken to by their class teacher. He has told me he’ll be keeping a very close eye on the situation.

I guess that’s all that can be done at this moment in time

DD seems much happier, she says they haven’t bothered her since. had her friend round to play last night and has been invited to another child’s house today after school. I’m going to ask her if she wants to arrange a play date with one of her gymnastics friends (they are at different schools). I’m also looking into the zap course.

As for me I feel more positive after posting this thread ....I can see things more clearly I know it’s probably nothing she has “done” or anything particularly about her

However if it does continue I think I’ll have to seriously consider removing her. Difficult though as her little sister goes to the School too she’s 4 and just started. She absolutely loves it (and she’s such a firecracker I don’t believe she’ll ever take anyone’s crap!!)