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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why my daughter is being bullied

140 replies

CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 10/10/2017 14:30

She is 8, year 4.

She has been bullied on and off by different children for about 3 years

She is averagely pretty (I’m saying that because nothing stands out about her, ie very beautiful or very unattractive). She’s average height, very slim, reasonably bright and always clean, nice hair, the “right” School bag / trainers etc

Most importantly she’s sweet and kind and hasn’t got a nasty bone in her body. She does have friends but only a handful. (Although they are lovely little girls and seem to love dd)

After yet another visit to the school I’ve just had enough. I want to know WHY?? Why is she being picked on ?? I just don’t understand it....I feel like there is something “wrong” with her that I’m not seeing 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 10/10/2017 17:35

She doesn’t stand up for herself at all. She’s not the kind of kid to be able to quickly think of snappy smart comebacks. Although the Strange thing is if her brother and sister wind her up at home she goes absolutely apeshit at them! So I don’t understand why she doesn’t do it at school.

Good idea re getting friends out of school, I may see if she’d like to invite any of her friends from gymnastics to come and play.

Also Will look into that zap course, thanks to the poster who suggested it. X

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 10/10/2017 17:36

@TheHungryDonkey please tell me you had a word with that child saying that to your dc? Shock

I have no shame in telling children to leave mine alone, if I'm there. It a) teaches my child that that behaviour is unacceptable and b) that I will stand up for them.

OP, it isn't anything about your dd. She is not to blame here. She is 8. If I were you, I would insist on a meeting with the teacher, then escalate to the head of KS2, then the chair of governors if you get no change.

I would also sign your dd up to non school things where she can make friends outside of school. Encourage her confidence. When she talks about the bullying, explain that it is the bully who is wrong, that your dd has done nothing wrong and you will do everything to fix it. Don't ask your dd whether you should talk to the teachers etc, just do it.

Original poster
CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 10/10/2017 17:36

Also I am so so sorry to the posters and / or their dc who have suffered the hell that it is bullying xxxxx 💐

OP posts:
PatMullins · 10/10/2017 17:51

”Do no harm but take no shit”

I love that Smile

MammaTJ · 10/10/2017 17:56

Do no harm, but take no shit would be fine, but the constant verbal wearing down of my DD was too much. She didn't actually just take it, she reported constantly, answered back sometimes. Had it been physical, she would have coped better, she is a brown belt in karate and well able to floor the best of them, but could not and would not make the first move.

thethoughtfox · 10/10/2017 18:05

Openup41, we can't ever blame ourselves for the way we feel. And when we are small we have little control over how we express it. It was an MTV programme, perhaps they grossly oversimplified things. I only posted that for people's information. I would hate to think that I upset anyone.

DaisyRaine90 · 10/10/2017 18:07

I was bullied for being a lesbian (I’m not). They will literally find anything. If they’re little, move their school. Same if they are physically unsafe. Otherwise it’s all part of growing up I’m afraid 😔

IfNot · 10/10/2017 18:32

Boys rarely get expected to be nice to absolutely everyone.
Really? I would expect a child of either sex to be nice to everyone, or, if the other person is not being nice to stand up for themselves and others.
I would unleash all holy Hell if I thought my ds was picking on anyone, or even standing by sniggering at a target of teasing.
OP your daughter has not done anything. She's just unlucky. If school are being useless (and frankly I have NEVER known a school really deal with bullying) move her. Sorry she is going through this.

Original poster
CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 10/10/2017 18:38

Imagine If I moved her and she still got bullied though ..all that disruption for nothing 😩

OP posts:
Ttbb · 10/10/2017 18:42

It's most likely the way that she reacts. I was never bullied despite being fat, absolutely rubbish at sports, poor, generally a bit lame/unattractive. But, I never gave much of reaction to nasty comments (I just had a rather passive face and a thick skin). Habitual bullies would maybe make one of two mean comments and then give up. But it wasn't always like that. When I was younger I was buillied relentlessly by children of family friends and I used to get very upset about it until I didn't any more. Being bullied is an important experience that helps children grow up. Provided that your DD is able to cope with the bullying then all you need to do is keep a watchful eye over her and in time she will develop the ability to deal with bullies appropriately. If anything you should be glad that it will be over and done with now-bullying is so much worse in teenage years and needless to say that adults who can't handle bullies end up in a teeeible mess.

Ttbb · 10/10/2017 18:42

*Never bullied at her age

GreenTulips · 10/10/2017 18:45

Being bullied is an important experience that helps children grow up

WTAF??? Are you actually serious?

Frequency · 10/10/2017 18:48

Being bullied is an important experience that helps children grow up.

Apart from the ones who commit suicide. They don't get to grow up.

Original poster
CallingPeopleACuntOnFb · 10/10/2017 18:49

Yes frequency exactly

😔😔😔😔😔

OP posts:
sinceyouask · 10/10/2017 18:51

Being bullied is an important experience that helps children grow up.

ODFOD

ralphi · 10/10/2017 18:51

Could she do something outside school lik karate of judo. Something that would give her confidence in a situation where she is being physically bullied? or a team sport? She might meet friends there too.

Ds was bullied when he was in year one and two and in the end he hit back, throwing the bully on the floor and sitting on him until he cried. Years later I am still not sure what I think about that, and it was difficult to know what to say to gimin that moment, as I had always brought him up to reject violence. But the bullying stopped. So I guess I learned something too.

Chottie · 10/10/2017 18:52

Being bullied is an important experience that helps children grow up

WTAF??? Are you actually serious?

This ^^ x 1 billion times.....

The PP obviously has no experience of bullying and devastating impact of it.

ralphi · 10/10/2017 18:56

Bullying is a shit experience and one that no child should have to endure. Physical abuse is something that you can go to prison for when adult. In what universe is it acceptable if your victim is a child?

ralphi · 10/10/2017 18:56

Bullying is a shit experience and one that no child should have to endure. Physical abuse is something that you can go to prison for when adult. In what universe is it acceptable if your victim is a child?

Peanutbuttercheese · 10/10/2017 19:06

It's because she is sweet and kind probably, she won't retaliate and they know it.

Openup41 · 10/10/2017 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Josieannathe2nd · 10/10/2017 20:21

This makes me so sad. I was fairly confident as I child and still had two episodes of being bullied. However, unlike many of you my parents and school were proactive & the bullying stopped as soon as I told someone- therefore when incidents happened again as I was older I knew they could be stopped. Friends really helped me- even if some people were being mean to me the fact I had other friends meant my self esteem wasn’t destroyed. Has your daughter got friends outside school? Brownies, church, drama? Whatever you’d decide about school push those friendships as those can massively counter balance the impact of being bullied.

charmedrose · 10/10/2017 20:31

My dgd was who is 11 was telling me about her friend who was getting bullied by a boy simply because she had red hair, always calling her names. My dgd always had a go back at this boy because her friend gets upset. Nasty kid thrived on seeing her upset..... She tells me it's all stopped now, i think the boy got scared of my dgd insulting him back and embarrassing him.

StarUtopia · 10/10/2017 20:33

Bullying was 'acceptable' in the 70's and 80's etc...fgs..it is NOT acceptable now - and no one should just have to get used to it as part and parcel of growing up etc.

Please, OP, move your daughter. Find a school in a nicer area where your daughter (and your financial background etc) will fit in and not stand out. It's actually easier to get into schools once you're already in one! Ring around and make some appointments.

She's being bullied because the school are doing nothing about it.

Subtlecheese · 10/10/2017 20:41

The poster that says bullying is part of growing up is the sort of shit that the mum of the children hounding my daughter comes out with. I have had to withdraw my son's nursery application as I have found out that somehow she is employed to work with 2-4 year olds!
We're in the process of changing schools as the daughters AND the mother are routinely verbally assaulting my daughter.