Nursing Home - Furious

[ReallyNotHappy76]

My mother is in a nursing home as she has dementia and 3 weeks ago suffered a stroke that has affected her very badly and is now extremely vulnerable.

In the last week her TV remote has gone missing 3 times and we have had to ask the staff to find it/a replacement as it was no where to be seen. There is a new man in the room opposite and the remote has been found by staff in his room before.

We have now taken to hiding it in her underwear drawer to keep it safe/so no one knows where it is when we aren't around.

Today as I was in the car park leaving, the new man's daughter told me she had 'nipped into' my mum's room to 'borrow the remote' and had gone rooting around in her underwear drawer to find it. I was too stunned at the time to say anything but on my drive home I've got more and more angry.

I would never dream of entering a vulnerable person's (or anyones!) room and rifling through their things, private things. I feel furious that my mother lay in bed, potentially frightened at the sight of some stranger going through her things and completely incapable of stopping her.

Not only the privacy factor, but the safeguarding issue. You aren't allowed in other residents rooms, so if this is going on, anything could be happening when I'm not there which is extremely upsetting.

I'm about to compose an email to the manager as I want the daughter spoken to about how unacceptable this is in a more official capacity than just me saying something. I want to be calm and stick to the facts...just wanted to make sure emotion isn't taking over and I'm not BU?

I also work in the care sector,I am in the community and this wholly unacceptable behaviour .The manager must address your concerns she cannot fob you off. You have entrusted your mum to her care that is a big trust that in my eyes she is not taking seriously. I would be notifying CQC her standards are shocking. You and your mum deserve better,makes my blood boil ,your mum has a right to be safe and not have another person come rifling through her personal belongings,to even be setting foot in her room .

You don't need permission to put a camera in your mums room.
Report trespass to the police, contact the local authority safeguarding team and report your concern. I would also resend the email to the Chef exec stating that it is a formal complaint.
Ask for the whistle-blowing policy from the organization.
How's your mum? X

Hi OP, sorry I've been busy today, only just got time to reply.

HCPC are very careful with their language on their website, and refer to "raising concerns" as opposed to complaints. Their primary aim is to protect the public but this is mainly through training and support rather than sanctions and punitive action. Threat to the Physio's job would be from her employer, whereas HCPC are looking at her ability to practice within the standards expected from a HCP.

If it were me, I would raise this with HCPC. My thoughts are that as she has so brazenly told you what she had done she either has no idea that it is unacceptable behaviour or she doesn't care about the consequences of her actions. As an HCP she does not have the liberty to do either. She should know and any suggestion that there is a failing of behaviour would have me worried about how safe she is with her own patients. She may not work with vulnerable patients and may genuinely not realise the gravity of her actions but this is a lack of training and it has been recognised now and she needs to take steps to rectify this. HCPC will investigate and she will have the opportunity to undertake learning to show that she can alter her behaviour to benefit her patients and her practice in future. I view this as a positive thing, and it is the way we are all taught now - to actively examine our work behaviour and failings and learn from them then adapt and grow. If she is not doing this then she is risk to her patients.

I suppose the pragmatic approach would be to either speak with her yourself or have a staff member at the home do this for you and then see what her reaction is. As above, she should realise her error and give some sort of reassurance that she understands fully (has insight) what she did wrong and that she will address this, in which case all is good. However if she is petulant, rude, defensive - in other words, does not show she has insight into her failing, then you could raise the concern with HCPC so that they can intervene and guide her in the right direction.

I hope this helps explain what I mean. Please do read though the Members of Public section of the HCPC website if you want more information about them.

I am quite sensitive about seeing poor practices from my peer group, unfortunately I do see it from time to time in the workplace.

I hope you reach a resolution soon for your (and your mother's) peace of mind.

I'm sorry to hear this is taking so long to be dealt with OP, it must be very worrying for you.
As far as I'm aware you don't need permission for a camera? The home (rather ironically!) May have safeguard concerns about a camera in your mums room where her personal care takes place, which is why they said no. However, as we've probably all seen at least one documentary where either 'planted' staff or relatives have used hidden camera footage to highlight abuse or safety issues, I'm thinking that legally it can be done. Not sure though, so maybe check it out if you're going down that route?
Again, a pressure mat, which will alert staff to respond when someone who shouldn't be there goes into the room would be a partial solution. They are generally used for confused and frail clients, to alert staff if they get out of bed or leave their room, and are at risk of falls, so someone can be there to help and assist. I have known them used for this purpose though, where a client is bedbound and vulnerable and unable to summon help. Most bedroom doors are locked when not in use to stop confused clients wandering into others rooms, however this obviously isn't suitable when a client is in their room, so a mat is used.
I hope this is resolved soon and well for you and your mum.

Yanbu - also contact adult social services encase the care home don’t take it seriously.

www.cqc.org.uk/news/stories/using-hidden-cameras-monitor-care

There are a few interesting links on this page about cameras.

I do think that down your fatigue and upset this episode is upsetting you a lot

The good news is this fellow and his light fingered daughter are off

The bad news is that of course your
Mum is in a bad way , and the care home are not properly listening

Other than this are they good ? Could we see this as a cheeky one off incident ?

I know how upsetting these careless incidents can be but careful you don't let this be the straw that breaks the camels back when you are so very sad already

I hope this makes sense

Just a quick update as I've only just got in.

Thank you for your lengthy replies, I have read and took them all on board.

Today I spoke to a nurse (who is competent) and he was horrified. The HM and Area Manager also came to talk to me to ensure that I knew they were dealing with it and the woman spoken to.

Stopfuckingshoutingatme - I'm sure you meant well in your post but it's not my 'upset and fatigue' that is 'upsetting me a lot regarding this episode'; it's the fact it's a huge safeguarding issue that should never have happened that's 'upsetting' me. I also would never refer to the incident as a 'cheeky' anything or 'careless incident'. Again, I appreciate it was probably not your intent to offend, but those read quite minimising to me

I'm off to bed now, but felt I owed you lovely people an update that hopefully now things will be put in place to ensure it never happens again. Dreading tomorrow as I'll be there the same time as his daughter

Good luck Really. If she has been spoken to and she comes over to talk to you about it you’ll just have to tell her that she didn’t give you a chance to talk to her about it and as it’s a safeguarding matter you had no choice but to report it as she is an hcp and should know bloody better. You don’t owe her anything and once her df has been moved you’ll never have to see her again.

Don't worry about seeing her. She should be ashamed of herself. If she does say anything tell her you were disgusted that she entered your mum's room and went through her drawers. Tell her of course it was going to be reported, and it had better not ever happen again! (And imagine us lot glaring at her over your shoulder!).

I'm glad you got some positive results on this. I hope your mum is doing ok.

If she is there at the same time as you, hopefully she will come and apologise.

If she has an attitude and tries to minimise what happened, just remind her of the fact that your mum was there watching her go through her belongings while she was laid on her bed, unable to move or speak. She must understand how horrible that was for your mum and completely unacceptable.

I'm so sorry this happened to your mum. Hoping you get the appropriate response very soon and that awful woman realises how wrong she was. How dare she.

I didn't want to minimise I suppose I thought the women did this through ignorance rather than a real malice - but the fact is this should not have been allowed . And if they allow this - It's a very weak signal

Well...I think I'm more annoyed now. The woman denied they were in the drawer and just on the table (not true but whatever) but 'appreciates she shouldn't have done it' and the HM said she made it clear she must never go into other residents' rooms and ask staff if there's an issue.

She thought it would be fine as 'we have a speaking relationship'...I've met and spoken to this woman twice.

The things I'm really not happy with are 1) It wasn't true that the man is leaving, HM had no idea where staff had got that and 2) the safeguarding team don't deem it an 'incident' as 'nothing was missing' WTAF?! I'm so irritated with that, but as long as measures are taken to make sure it doesn't happen again, I'll choose my battles as unfortunately there are many!

I have to sit down with this woman at some point today and 'hash it out' which I'm not looking forward to. I don't really see what more needs to be said

There's nothing to 'hash out' she needs to apologise and assure you that she won't enter your mum's bedroom again.

The safeguarding team are idiots, there was an incident. It'd be an incident if someone walked into my home, whether or not anything was taken.

How shit of them

Are you meeting this woman in the presence of the home manager? Just hoping some of these 'statements' from her can be corrected in their presence.

I would not be happy this is not raised as an incident. Your mother for crying out loud wasn't able to do anything. It must have been distressing. Did they not comment on that?!

Hopefully someone with more knowledge will be along with info on the safeguarding stuff. I am truly shocked they won't do more.

Maybe get a small lockable cabinet for your mum for her to keep things in?

See if you could fit the remote with a small cored and attached to her chair or bed so it can't be removed and your mum knows where it is.

Definetly speak firmly but nicely to the manager.

Above all make sure you/family visit as often as possible.

If you want to know if she's being well cared for check her hands and nails are clean and trimmed neatly.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. The other person over stepped in the most awful way.

Good luck OP.

Ooooh I missed a page.

Sorry- I did RTFT at least I tried too

The daughter is a liar. You won't get very far with this one OP. Consider a hidden camera.

Hope your mum is ok.

Maybe- see make of the tV and get another remote for the others (I realise this will cost) but if you give it and make sure in no uncertain terms to the daughter you will not tolerate them trespassing in your mums room - they then wouldn't have a need to?

I have worked in geriatric care settings and of course what happened is completely unacceptable. I can tell you that TV remotes are particularly a problem for being "borrowed" or misplaced. If one fails, or the user thinks it's failed the first thing they do is go looking for another. We had to building staff attach them to the nightstand with a lightweight chain just to prevent this sort of thing. We also used to keep a spare one at the nurse's desk so that family members could get one from us. You might want to pass those suggestions along to the woman running the home. They solved the problem at that facility.

Not good enough.
She told you what she had done.
It was in her underwear drawer.
Id tell them you were taking it higher.
This woman knows she has done wrong.