AIBU to ask what you would do if you found these texts on your DPs phone?

[AlohaMolly]

I had 'a feeling' a few weeks ago and snooped in DPs phone. I know, shouldn't have done it.

However.

There are flirty, chatty messages to a woman who lives across the street. She's single with two boys a couple of years older than my son with DP.

For background, me and DP haven't had sex for around nine months (DS is 16 months) and previously DP has told me he just doesn't fancy me, so I'm assuming that's why we haven't had sex. I am fat, frumpy and basically a disgrace.

This woman lives across the street and is friendly with DP, has spoken to me etc so she does know I exist.

One night a few weeks ago, as part of an ongoing otherwise chatty message conversation, she said 'so when are you going to bang me? I know you want to.' He replied 'bloody hell! Where did that come from?'

WOman - 'Come on, I've seen the way you look at me. Would you if you were single?'
DP- 'if I was single... yeah'

A few nights later

Woman - 'I'm thinking about the what ifs now'
'I've seen you checking out my boobs and my legs'
DP - 'well I'm only male!'

For context, just before I found out I was pregnant I caught him messaging two women - never anything overtly sexual but definitely crossing the line for me. We talked about it and he didn't really think he was doing anything wrong but we both agreed to set it aside and start with a clean slate almost because of the pregnancy.

These latest texts have rattled me. I feel awful. What would you do?

Molly it's very good he agrees. He needs to back that up with actions. Not seeing this woman socially would help. It sounds like you both have a long road ahead but you are feeling more assertive. Is that right?

Aloha, do you think you two stayed together purely because you got pregnant? He might have felt he should do the right thing and you possibly construed it as he wanted you but he might resent the commitment and having to 'grow up'? If you think it might be this, I'd explore the issue because it's better to get the cards on the table and unpack it?

I'm a believer that any relationship is salvageable. I have been in a not too dissimilar place, but pulled myself, recovered my pride and resurrected a relationship that was all but dead on its feet, and had a predator like your neighbour sniffing round to boot! If you can break down that barrier of apathy between you, you never know what might unfold....

• Pulled myself up!