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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Michelin starred restaurant for pre-school mums night out

252 replies

nonwonderwoman · 09/10/2017 11:43

I don't want to start a Christmas thread in October - but unfortunately that is where this is going.
My DS has just joined a pre-school that is part of a local prep school. There aren't may pre-schools round here and he just goes a few hours a week, but it is a generally lovely non-pretentious little school.
The class rep has just sent round the invite for the class Christmas party which I has previously said yes to as I love a good night out. However, the invite is to a fancy £100 a head Michelin starred place (no drink included - that is just the food!).
AIBU to think this is perfectly bonkers, and not something I want to spend my money on 2 weeks before Christmas, with people I barely know. Plus the restaurant is in the swankiest part of London and we are in the home counties, so it's also a massive trek.
How should I respond? I can't imagine many of the mum's saying yes due to the prohibitive cost - but it's all a bit embarrassing really. What's wrong with tapas at the local pub?

OP posts:
Whocansay · 10/10/2017 20:24

Erm, the pre-school is part of a prep-school. That generally means that the people with kids there have money. So this may be perfectly reasonable to most of the other mothers.

I would just decline and say you can't make it. See if anyone fancies a drink locally another night.

Whocansay · 10/10/2017 20:28

Apologies! I may have missed a couple of pages!

catgirl1976 · 10/10/2017 20:50

We have really nice restaurant locally that does 2 courses (anything you like from the a la carte, not a set menu) AND a whole bottle of wine for £19.99 on a Monday.

It is packed to the rafters with mums nights out every single Monday because that's a normal amount to spend going out with people you're not that close too.

And you can afford lots of cocktails at that rate if the full bottle of (admittedly house but perfectly gulpable) wine isn't enough for you.

2014newme · 10/10/2017 20:58

Haha there are 120 kids in our year group, would need to book 2 Michelin restaurants to fit us all in.

andherplayfulsheep · 10/10/2017 21:08

YANBU maybe they are pretentious after all if the other mums go along with it! Jesus, that would be a definite no from me!

NataliaOsipova · 10/10/2017 21:13

Sometimes, I think it helps to remind oneself that the only concrete thing that you have in common with parents of similar aged children is the fact that you probably all had a shag at roughly the same time some years previously, and work from that point. Some you'll get on with swimmingly, others less so. And that's all good.

Brilliantly, brilliantly put. Grin

What is all this obsession with everyone having to go for nights out with people who just happen to have kids in the same class? If you don't want to go - for whatever reason - make polite excuses and don't. I wouldn't want to go either. Sounds like a right pain in the arse and if I was going to that time, trouble and expense for an evening out I'd want to spend it with my close friends (who I don't get to see that often as we all have kids), not a bunch of people I barely know. A drink in the local where I can get a cab home in ten minutes? Maybe. But that's a totally different proposition!

MaisyPops · 10/10/2017 21:21

What is all this obsession with everyone having to go for nights out with people who just happen to have kids in the same class
I don't get it either.

The other thing is that this is probably just alpha mum's way of shortlisting her future yummy mummy clique and deciding who she wants to arrange play dates with (cynical? Me?).

There'll probably be quite a few hardworking middle income families who have saved loads or cut back loads to pay fees. I can't imagine they want to spend this much money before Christmas.

I dare you to reply like other posters have suggested 'yikes, all that before Christmas. And here was me thinking a nice local place would be much more convenient for everyone'

andherplayfulsheep · 10/10/2017 21:23

Oh also, it's absolutely right to state cost as a reason, otherwise she'll either move it closer and it be equally expensive so you'll either have to be honest and say no again anyway or go and begrudgingly pay the high cost of the night out. Or it will set a precedent and you'll be committed to spending this for every school mums night out.

superbean · 10/10/2017 21:26

My children are at prep school. I don't think any of the year group would suggest this, especially not when we were in reception/nursery.

Christmas is usually really busy, loads of work events to factor in and some of my friends have 3 children in different year groups - none of them would entertain spending more than about £25 a head for each one (and that would be stretching it) given that they also have to pay babysitters/taxi/drinks on top. Also people often won't commit to anything expensive as you can guarantee someone will either be ill/have a sick child at the end of term as everyone's exhausted by then.

Personally I wouldn't mention money, just say you can't make it. You've got years of this...I doubt the whole year group will be up for this year after year. Bear in mind that some parents do think that school life is their whole life. I'm sure you have other friends you'd much rather have an expensive night out with.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/10/2017 21:29

"What is all this obsession with everyone having to go for nights out with people who just happen to have kids in the same class"

Or it could be a way for someone who is new to the area to get to know people Hmm

Not everyone stays in their home town for the rest of their lives. We moved to our village when DD was 3. Most of my friends are people I met at toddler group and school.

Wdigin2this · 10/10/2017 21:37

Just reply, sorry I can't justify that kind of a night out before Christmas!

Starlight2345 · 10/10/2017 21:38

If OP's class rep is reading...Please come and explain why you want to spend that much on a night out with people you barely know.

Doramaybe · 10/10/2017 21:40

Organiser getting a kick back.

Oh perish the thought.

mellicauli · 10/10/2017 21:47

How much are London pre prep school fees? 12k a year? 19k a year for. Good one. £100 for a meal is probably neither here nor there if you can afford that, I guess...

LuchiMangsho · 10/10/2017 21:53

Ours is 10K. And has very good exit results. We can afford that (it's what I paid for childcare btw) but we both work full time and we are pretty sensible with money. (Haven't had a holiday in 9 months and mostly do European city breaks). And we wouldn't even spend 100 per head on a date night let alone a Christmas mums' lunch.

I have a really good group of friends among the school mums even though I work FT. I even went out for dinner with 5 of them on Sunday night for a curry. It's not a crime to socialise with the parents of my kids' friends.

Chickoletta · 10/10/2017 21:55

My children are at Prep School and our nights out are pretty modest. As others have said, for many professional people, the reason they can afford the fees is because they don't splash out in other areas. I know plenty of people who live far more lavish lifestyles than we do precisely because they're not paying school fees - each to their own!

I'm sure there will be plenty of others in the group who will be very grateful for you getting in there first and being honest. I feel sure that the majority of you will be merrily in your local come the Christmas bash.

LuluJakey1 · 10/10/2017 21:55

What is a 'class rep'? Sounds like a prefect or member of the school council rather than an adult. It is the most ridiculous situation.

CiderwithBuda · 10/10/2017 21:56

For some yes mellicauli. For others they can afford that by economising elsewhere.

DS is at a private school and none of our nights out would ever be in an expensive restaurant. Some parents are very wealthy. Some are comfortable. And others afford the fees with both parents working, driving basic cars etc etc. Not spending £100 on a meal out.

As others have said expensive restaurants are lovely for special events with close friends and family.

OVienna · 10/10/2017 22:11

Michelin star for mums night out. No. Don't reply to any more texts about it - maybe say: oh don't worry about me. Have a wonderful night! And then leave it. Please.

Gooseysgirl · 10/10/2017 22:19

For a family occasions, special birthday etc maybe... but for a mums night out I think you were absolutely right to say no!

ItsNachoCheese · 10/10/2017 22:20

Give me pizza hut any day over spending £100 on a meal

Butteredparsn1ps · 10/10/2017 22:36

I think Alpha Mum's ears will be ringing.

I love a Mum's night out, but It's not the event of the year. Perhaps someone should tell her?

BelleandBeast · 10/10/2017 22:49

Bonkers.

Its preschool, how much high octane bonding do you need?

Alpha mum just telling you what she can afford. And the second text, what is that about, who made her the despot of what'app??

Bebopaloula · 11/10/2017 03:25

I'm with those who have said not to make up stories about other commitments / weddings etc. Tell the truth. Nobody thinks any less of you for saying it's too expensive and too far away. You'll probably be speaking for some of the other Mums too who will be glad that you spoke up first and said exactly what they're all thinking! In the meantime, organised an alternative night for dinner and drinks at half the cost! Smile

Nakedavenger74 · 11/10/2017 03:48

Ouch. If it's £100 a head for food it's going to be about £200 by the time drinks are added. They are absolute masters at getting you to have pre dinner cocktails, champagne , after dinner coffees blah.

You'll be hard pressed to find any wine for less than £45 a bottle too. Even if you say no by the time that's shared equally it's going to be quite a bit.