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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Don’t want to meet my friends today

83 replies

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 11:48

My friends invited us for a coffee this afternoon but I don’t think I can face them.
We go to the same church and my DS and their DD are the same age.
We wanted our DS to start preparing for the holy communion this year (first holy communion is usually once a year in June)
My friends told me that there were announcements some time in August to submit the form if you are interested but we were away for 3 weeks, so we had no idea.
I approached our priest last Sunday saying that we are interested in signing our DS up for preparation course but he told us it’s too late, they don’t accept late applications anymore.
I was very upset, I cried on our way back home and I feel it’s my fault that DS will miss out on it, as I didn’t enquire early enough.
I thought I got over it but today priest was handing envelopes out to the parents, also my friends DD, and I got upset again.
We left the church quickly and I drove home straight away without our usual chat (and cried all the way home again).
Friends texted me that they didn’t say hi and if we want to pop in later on but I just don’t want to talk about holy communion. I know it will upset me again.
My friends don’t know that my DS is not on the course.
We have been with this parish for over 9 years and yes, I could move and get my DS prepared for holy communion somewhere else but I don’t want to.
AIBU to say we are busy or something and turn the invitation down?
I’m on my own with the kids today my partner is away on business.

OP posts:

Squeegle · 08/10/2017 11:50

I can see you are upset. But won't it be ok for him to do it next year? Alternatively can't you speak to the priest again?

Alanna1 · 08/10/2017 11:52

You can't let this impact you for the whole year! Speak to the priest again....

honeysucklejasmine · 08/10/2017 11:52

Why can't the priest let you? It doesn't sound like the course has started yet. Poor form from the church here.

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 11:53

Sounds a bit unfair of the priest but it's not the end of the world. Surely he can just do the sacramental programme next year instead?

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 11:55

We are moving out of the area end of summer next year, so we’ll need to look for new parish.

OP posts:

Sweetpea55 · 08/10/2017 11:56

For goodness sake.. Why cant you talk about it with your friends? Thats what friends are for isnt it? You're not going to able to avoid talking about for a whole year. And I know your upset ..but crying ? ?

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 11:58

I’ve already had discussion with our priest, he knows we had no idea about announcements. He was very firm and said they have to stop late applications because it’s not fair on other children and teachers preparing them and that they’ve already bought the books etc.

OP posts:

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 12:01

I'd approach the priest again and apologise for missing the deadline while explaining exactly what you've told us minus the bit about not wanting to discuss it with friends. Hopefully he'll reconsider as the course hasn't started yet.

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 12:02

I know Sweetpea55 that I shouldn’t but I just can’t help it and I’m embarrassed that I’m that upset....I’d love to stay cool about it.
That’s why I don’t want to meet my friends today

OP posts:

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 12:02

Sorry cross posted

fantasmasgoria1 · 08/10/2017 12:03

Does your ds want this only asking as you said WE wanted him to do this?

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 12:05

They are not that very close friends...we met at the church and apart from seeing each other every Sunday we meet maybe once a months.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 12:07

Yes, my DS wanted it since last year but we told him he needs to be a bit older and that he will do it next year. He was quite good about it, just sad but not crying.
It might change though when he sees other children going for course.

OP posts:

grobagsforever · 08/10/2017 12:08

Perhaps find a priest with some Christian values as opposed to a power trip?

Or find him another hobby which has less rules and studying and might be more fulfilling and less likely to make you cry??

CatsOclock · 08/10/2017 12:10

I don't really understand what it is that's really upsetting you here. Can you explain more? I think if you can pinpoint it, then you have a chance of reassuring yourself.

I would maybe just text your friend something simple like, "Sorry, got things on today. Would love to another time. X"

Original poster

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 12:11

I meant DS was good about it last week. I think I feel upset because I let my DS down and other children going for the course are a constant reminder.

OP posts:

MyLittleDragon · 08/10/2017 12:12

Why can't you just say "we were away so didn't know about applications deadline and the priest won't let us put one in now?" Just the facts? It's one of those things. If they are friends they should sympathise and support not judge you for it. You haven't committed a crime. Nothing really bad has happened. You haven't harmed anyone.

mirpuppet · 08/10/2017 12:14

This is awful. I would find another parish and get your child on the course if possible. Especially if you are going to move.

CoughLaughFart · 08/10/2017 12:14

So let me get this straight:

You're leaving the parish soon anyway.
You're not particularly close to these friends.

Yet you're crying all the way home? This isn't a rational reaction. Are you sure something else isn't upsetting you or preying on your mind?

If you have an idea of where you're moving to, is there a chance you can find a new church in that area ahead of time and get your son into the course now?

Whocansay · 08/10/2017 12:15

I think it's a good idea to wait until you move. Your current priest doesn't exactly sound very caring of his flock. I think it's incredibly unkind of him to say no when the course hasn't started yet.

kissmethere · 08/10/2017 12:16

If I was you I'd be looking into the new parish you'll be attending next year. Maybe start going there alternate Sundays if possible. Just so he gets to start the preparation when it starts.
Don't let this affect your friendship. These things happen. Maybe you'll feel better when you start getting your own plan in place for his communion. Your DS is still young and this could be a good opportunity to meet his new classmates.

BluthsFrozenBananas · 08/10/2017 12:17

Please put this into perspective. There was a thread recently where a poster's husband had failed to do the paperwork to submit their son for the 11 plus, that was a case of a parent severely letting their child down, this isn't. Your DS can do his first communion in your new parish, doing it a year later will not make an ounce of difference to his life.

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 12:18

Are you moving quite far away from where you are now? Perhaps you could start looking for a new parish in the area you'll be moving to and speak to that priest about DS making his holy communion there.

LonginesPrime · 08/10/2017 12:19

OP, you don't have to tell the friends today - you could always say you're busy and cant' come round today.

But what will you do for the rest of the year until your DS is on the course? Avoiding the friends (who haven't done anything wrong) isn't going to make the fact your DS isn't on the course not true.

I was going to ask what's more important - having your DS take the course this year like he wanted, or staying with your existing church, as it seems those are your options. However, if you're moving parishes next year anyway (and aren't that keen on your church friends), I would think that moving to a different church is the obvious solution.

PoppyPopcorn · 08/10/2017 12:20

Is DS bothered that he's missing this year and will have to do next? Agree that crying seems very OTT about this sort of thing.

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