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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want to meet my friends today

83 replies

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 11:48

My friends invited us for a coffee this afternoon but I don’t think I can face them.
We go to the same church and my DS and their DD are the same age.
We wanted our DS to start preparing for the holy communion this year (first holy communion is usually once a year in June)
My friends told me that there were announcements some time in August to submit the form if you are interested but we were away for 3 weeks, so we had no idea.
I approached our priest last Sunday saying that we are interested in signing our DS up for preparation course but he told us it’s too late, they don’t accept late applications anymore.
I was very upset, I cried on our way back home and I feel it’s my fault that DS will miss out on it, as I didn’t enquire early enough.
I thought I got over it but today priest was handing envelopes out to the parents, also my friends DD, and I got upset again.
We left the church quickly and I drove home straight away without our usual chat (and cried all the way home again).
Friends texted me that they didn’t say hi and if we want to pop in later on but I just don’t want to talk about holy communion. I know it will upset me again.
My friends don’t know that my DS is not on the course.
We have been with this parish for over 9 years and yes, I could move and get my DS prepared for holy communion somewhere else but I don’t want to.
AIBU to say we are busy or something and turn the invitation down?
I’m on my own with the kids today my partner is away on business.

OP posts:
diddl · 08/10/2017 13:21

It seems ridiculous not to see your friends.

Are you embarrassed that your son will be doing this a year later than others?

Why didn't you ask about it before/after your holiday?

It is hard to balance your being so upset about it but not seeming to have looked into it-considering how important you say it is to you.

AngryGinger · 08/10/2017 13:25

I can see that you're upset.. but you missed a deadline, there's a deadline for a reason. I work in customer services and when people miss deadlines at my work it can be pretty life changing. That's why you make yourselves familiar with when the deadlines are. It's not the churches job to make exceptions for people just because they cry when they get upset. It is not "unchristian" to tell someone they have missed a deadline ffs.

itshappening · 08/10/2017 13:26

You have been ridiculous OP. This is nothing. Literally nothing.

Have you considered not raising your son with this evil claptrap?

AlternativeTentacle · 08/10/2017 13:26

It's what Jesus would have wanted.

Miserylovescompany2 · 08/10/2017 13:31

"it's what Jesus would have wanted"

I've almost choked on my hob-nob! [shocked]

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2017 13:34

Do you suffer from anxiety, or depression, your reaction is really not usual. My dd did holy communion, and there were older children there in class about 11/12 years. No biggie, do one next year.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/10/2017 13:37

THe fact that you are overdramatizing this nonsense and upsetting your son isa clear demonstration of how unnecessary and unpleasant religion is. Let him grow up free of this crap.

Wauden · 08/10/2017 13:38

Its ok to cry.

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 13:40

For any non Catholics, taking communion in the correct year is actually a big deal.

It really isn't. While receiving the sacrament of Holy communion is very important waiting a year really doesn't matter.
I say that as a Catholic, also my DC's, family members and many friends are also Catholic yet it really is a non issue if a child waits a year. Although it is nice when the children can share the experience with friends by making it in the correct year.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2017 13:44

Not for all Catholics its not, as I said there were older children in dd communion class, dd herself was older at 9 (due to her ASD and learning difficulties).

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 13:47

That's my point Aeroflot. It's not a big deal to wait.

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2017 13:50

I agree with you Tea, op reaction was not usual.

Lindy2 · 08/10/2017 13:51

There's plenty of things in the world that are worth being upset about. I really can't get my head around this being one of them.
Your priest doesn't sound very caring or nice. I think I 'd be looking for better elsewhere.

GetYourRosariesOffMyOvaries · 08/10/2017 13:51

When I start reading these religion heavy threads, I hope I'll be proved wrong and the OP and the people involved come across well and mentally stable! Has yet to happen!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/10/2017 13:54

What happens if a child misses their Holy Communion? Are they hell-bound?! I thought church was supposed to be a pair of loving arms around you - why is someone crying because they missed a deadline? Confused

What happens to people who are new to Catholicism? Are they less Christian because they didn’t take holy communion in the right year?

Absurd....

Viviennemary · 08/10/2017 13:55

I think you could ask again. Or even approach the people taking the classes and say you're disappointed to have missed the date. And they might have a word with the priest. But if it's not possible then your DC can just join next year's class. Not quite sure how it works but perhaps the form has to be forwarded to the bishop by a certain date and it's not just the priest being difficult.

WildRosesGrow · 08/10/2017 13:59

I can understand why you are upset - it's because you feel like you've let your son down. We can't always choose how we react to problems and I've sometimes felt very emotional about what seems like a minor setback to other people.

Give yourself a chance to feel the upset, maybe talk to your husband and explain how you feel. Once you've had a good cry, then forgive yourself and look forward to your son doing his communion preparation with the new friends he (and you) will make at your new church next year. He will have the double bonus that he will most likely get to go to 2 lots of communion celebrations, as he will be invited to some this year too. Some children do their confirmation a little later for all sorts of reasons, try not to dwell on it. He's not missing out on the experience, just delaying it for now.

None of us are perfect, particularly not when we are busy parents, and it does sound like the system is rather inflexible. Remember all the things you have remembered to do for your kids all the time - organising after school activities, paying for school dinners, endless forms and costumes and pound coins for charity!

Sequence · 08/10/2017 14:03

If you are feeling easily upset and tearful, and feeling like you've let yourself or others down, then it could be worth getting checked out by the GP, to rule out depression. To me it sounds like you're being needlessly self-critical. FWIW I think the priest should be more flexible and say of course it isn't too late and anyone complaining should keep their nose out! Don't worry about putting on a brave face for friends. They would probably like to know the real you and have the opportunity to be supportive.

Teatowelfairy · 08/10/2017 14:10

Curly I'm perplexed by your absurd questions tbh.
I can't see anything on this thread that would suggest anyone would be less Christian for making their Holy Communion in a different year or that they would be hell-bound if they chose not to. Hmm

Sequence · 08/10/2017 14:11

Obviously many people don't like religion or some aspects of some churches. We all know that. However, is this really the place to have a go at religion and how you don't respect it etc.? The OP is not asking for a critique of her beliefs, that isn't the purpose of the thread, and I'm not convinced it's any help.

grobagsforever · 08/10/2017 14:14

There is an important point here. Religion is supposed to enhance our peace of mind, bring us calm, reassurance etc. This incident has done the opposite.

Perhaps point that out to the Priest. In public. He's paid a salary and is answerable for his misinterpretation of his job.

Or ditch organised religion...but that's just me.

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/10/2017 14:18

given the responses on here I feel sorry for the priest.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2017 14:20

Ok, well if announcements were in August and you only mentioned it to the priest last week I’d assume he has good reason for not wanting late comers, doing it next year is fine. I was raised a catholic and know this is no issue. All you have to tell your son is he has something to look forward to. I would defend the priest here as I doubt he even would remotely guess this would have such a major impact on you. Most folks would just say yeah fair enough and not bat an eye lid.

However what is an issue is your reaction, the crying repeatedly, the not wanting to see friends. It’s concerning you’re reacting so drastically.

Is there something else in your life going on that causes such a big reaction to such a minor thing?

GetYourRosariesOffMyOvaries · 08/10/2017 14:28

An extra year might be just what he needs to better understand the religion before being indoctrinated further into it.

CoughLaughFart · 08/10/2017 14:31

Curly I'm perplexed by your absurd questions tbh.

I would have thought anyone with anything approaching a brain would realise they were rhetorical.