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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want to meet my friends today

83 replies

mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 11:48

My friends invited us for a coffee this afternoon but I don’t think I can face them.
We go to the same church and my DS and their DD are the same age.
We wanted our DS to start preparing for the holy communion this year (first holy communion is usually once a year in June)
My friends told me that there were announcements some time in August to submit the form if you are interested but we were away for 3 weeks, so we had no idea.
I approached our priest last Sunday saying that we are interested in signing our DS up for preparation course but he told us it’s too late, they don’t accept late applications anymore.
I was very upset, I cried on our way back home and I feel it’s my fault that DS will miss out on it, as I didn’t enquire early enough.
I thought I got over it but today priest was handing envelopes out to the parents, also my friends DD, and I got upset again.
We left the church quickly and I drove home straight away without our usual chat (and cried all the way home again).
Friends texted me that they didn’t say hi and if we want to pop in later on but I just don’t want to talk about holy communion. I know it will upset me again.
My friends don’t know that my DS is not on the course.
We have been with this parish for over 9 years and yes, I could move and get my DS prepared for holy communion somewhere else but I don’t want to.
AIBU to say we are busy or something and turn the invitation down?
I’m on my own with the kids today my partner is away on business.

OP posts:
EnidNextDoor · 08/10/2017 12:23

Poor form from the church here

Sounds a bit unfair of the priest

Perhaps find a priest with some Christian values as opposed to a power trip?

Your current priest doesn't exactly sound very caring of his flock. I think it's incredibly unkind of him to say no when the course hasn't started yet.

All of the above. His job that he is paid for is to inspire and watch over your spiritual life, not to be an administration jobsworth.

MegRichardson · 08/10/2017 12:23

Can't you contact the Diocese, OP and explain and see what they say? You could be careful not to criticise the Priest (you understand the situation etc). What's to lose?

ilovesooty · 08/10/2017 12:23

Just say you've decided to wait until you're settled in your new parish.

Notcontent · 08/10/2017 12:26

The priest is being very unreasonable about this. It's not your fault and really, not the end of the world.

As others have suggested, it might be that you are feeling down for other reasons and this issue is a channel for all that upset. I speak as someone who often gets upset about little things because I am generally finding life a bit hard.

Raver84 · 08/10/2017 12:30

You need to show some more resilience here. I get being disappointed but not to the extent of crying and avoiding friends. Just start it next year in your new parish itss not a big deal. It may be a good way for your son to get to know others his age in new area.

Emily7708 · 08/10/2017 12:37

OP I understand why you’re upset, but you need to channel the upset into determination instead. The priest is being absolutely ridiculous. Meet your friends, tell them about your predicament - one of them may be able to have a word with the priest on your behalf or pull some strings.

Is there an assistant priest you can contact? I would also find out which lay person is running the communion classes and contact them directly. Contact the pastoral committee to complain. Don’t just accept this - make a nuisance of yourself and make it your mission to get your son onto that course.

For any non Catholics, taking communion in the correct year is actually a big deal. Also, in two of the Catholic schools in our borough, getting baptised before 6 months old and taking communion in the correct year is actually used in the admissions process as they are so over subscribed.

Original poster
mummy1234321 · 08/10/2017 12:40

I’ve already texted friends that we can’t make it today.
I’ve accepted that my DS will have to have his first holly communion after we move.It doesn’t have to be this year.
I just fear DS might be upset when he sees other children during first communion next year, especially if we get invited by our friends to dinner part afterwards.
We are very attached to this parish, both ours DS’ were baptised here. The priest changed 2 years ago and I must admit it’s not the same since then which is a bit sad.
Thank you all for your messages

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 08/10/2017 12:42

By all means don't go for coffee with your friends this afternoon if you don't want to, but to me it seems you're overreacting massively to the whole holy communion thing.

Chalk it up to experience and sign your DS up for next year. Also, if it was so important for you, why didn't you enquire in plenty of time and instead left it until it was too late?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/10/2017 12:43

Do something OP. Contact the Diocese, explain how you are feeling, how important it is to both you, and your Son.
Offer to buy your own books. The course has not yet begun, don't forget to mention, that you were on holiday, so were unaware of arrangements.
Kick up a stink, if needs be. Don't go back to your power tripping priest.
Don't fall out with your friends, it isn't their fault.
Come on OP, you'll feel much better facing this, instead of crying about it.💐

ReanimatedSGB · 08/10/2017 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

speakout · 08/10/2017 12:58

(and cried all the way home again).

Seriously?
I don't want to sound too harsh but you need to get a grip.

speakout · 08/10/2017 12:59

Bloofy hell, your kid's had a lucky escape. Fine a more useful; and enjoyable hobby for your family than this superstitious nonsense.

Couldn't agree more.

Leave the kids alone.

DillyDilly · 08/10/2017 13:00

A massive over-reaction on your part imo. Your friend told you about the applications in August, if it was that important to you, you’d have found out about the deadlines in advance.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/10/2017 13:00

Tell your friends you can make it now. Go. You sound like you need it - honestly, this isn’t a big deal.

Going to see them will be a distraction; and that’ll do you some good.

daisychain01 · 08/10/2017 13:02

Please folk don’t talk about Christianity as a “hobby”, it’s offensive. Even if you don’t want it, clearly the OP and her DS are church-goers and it means a lot to them, and can’t just be substituted with Sunday morning footie.

OP, it sounds like you can take the edge off the disappointment by reminding your DS he will have two things to look forward to, moving to the new Church and doing his First Communion prep next year x

speakout · 08/10/2017 13:02

What will happen if the child misses out on communion?

Will he be in danger?

daisychain01 · 08/10/2017 13:05

There is a religion Board, maybe that’s a better place to post this, where you will get likeminded people to give you support, not being offensive about your beliefs by calling it superstitious nonsense.

Bluerose27 · 08/10/2017 13:06

Ffs you'd think the church would be grabbing on to everyone who wished to continue with their teachings. When the current generation of 80 year old mass goers are dead they'll have a handful of attendees.

What's to stop you just sending your child up for communion? Jesus would have said "let the children come to me"

TheStoic · 08/10/2017 13:07

Does your son know why you’re crying so much?

This must be very worrying for him. You need to pull yourself together?

daisychain01 · 08/10/2017 13:11

Just because it’s the Church doesn’t mean the Priests are all perfect! Our’s tries to be 21st Century (uses his iPad for the sermon, does a 50mile cycle ride for charity each year, early bird swimming, etc). They’re all different, all just hooooman beeeeeings Smile

SirGawain · 08/10/2017 13:14

Please folk don’t talk about Christianity as a “hobby”, it’s offensive. Even if you don’t want it, clearly the OP and her DS are church-goers and it means a lot to them, and can’t just be substituted with Sunday morning footie.
Quite agree daisychain01 especially the Footie. Why do people think it's ok to mock other peoples beliefs just because they don't share them.

yellowbirdie · 08/10/2017 13:16

OP, I'm sorry you're upset, but your reaction is a bit OTT. If it was that important to you why weren't you more organised?

Your son can do his FHC next year. If you have been going to church regularly for nine years you would have had an idea when you need to register by. Most people are away over over August, so I'm pretty certain they had been reminding people for far longer than the three weeks you were away. In our parish people were warned for months in the lead up. Sorry if I sound harsh, but at least you have been given some good advice to follow up. See your friends, sounds like you need some support.

speakout · 08/10/2017 13:18

I respect the right of people to believe what they want, but don't expect me to respect christianity.

category12 · 08/10/2017 13:19

When you've calmed down a bit, just tell your friends the facts that you missed the deadline because you were away and he'll do it in the place you move to next year. It is what it is. You haven't let anyone down. Be careful not to show your ds how upset you are or make a big deal out of it in front of him, and it'll all be fine.

Are you OK in yourself otherwise?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2017 13:19

I think the priest is being a twat*, but I also think you are over-reacting a bit.

A year won't be a problem for your DS, and getting confirmed with others from your new parish may help him and you make friends in your new church.

Had a bloody ^awful priest at my last parish, but even he wouldn't have stood on his high horse and been such a jobsworth as this! And then they wonder why people with young families leave the church . . .

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