To ask the worst funeral behaviour you've seen?

[Fishface77]

I went to a funeral today.
open coffin at home.
People were filing past the coffin to pay their respects when someone decided they wanted to get to the crem in a hurry.
Cue pushing and shoving and the coffin almost fell of the stand. Saved by the mans wife!
Also random women wailing. Seriously no
Need.

I hope it's been cathartic for people to share their stories.
There are some wonderful stories out there im sure but it's funny how these bad ones stick in our minds and how some people have such skewed perceptions of appropriate behaviour.

A woman who arrived at a footballer's funeral dressed to the nines then actually phoned a couple of her mates "you need to get here quick, loads of fit men around!". We'd all known him for years since schooldays - she barely knew him was there to see and be seen...and scout for men it seems. Horrid behaviour

My gran died and funeral was yesterday, my mum was in the funeral car along with her siblings and their husbands/wife's. I had my mums bag off her as she was so Upset coming out of the funeral home. We got to the crem just before the funeral cars and as we queued to get in people were pushing past to get seats same old. Anyway once inside I walked to the front to give my mum her bag my DH & DD were behind, we turned around and the crem was full, no seats at all. The undertaker pulled some seats down at the very back pew. Behind the families friends and the hairdresser. Some people a so rude taking family seats near the front and not offering them up. To make it worse my mum and aunt were calling me to the front where there were no spaces. I was embarrassed as well as upset.

When my nans neighbour died my nan and gramp were clearing out her house. There was a knock at the door and a different neighbour asked if he could have something to remember mrs jones by. Nan and gramp said of course thinking it was a nice gesture , the man promptly walked to the telly stand and picked up the tele !!! I kid you not. Nan and gramp thought it was quite funny

At my mums funeral - I was crying ( not THAT surprising) and my Aunt came over - I thought to give me a consoling hug - and said in a fairly loud whisper - 'Come on dear thats enough of that everyones going to be looking' - I was so taken a back I did stop for a few seconds before stalking off even more upset than before!

When my uncle died and both his wife & OW were there. Cue OW putting on the amdram performance of a lifetime, much weeping wailing tearing of clothes, ACTUALLY rolling on the ground and then trying to climb into the open grave...! She had to be pulled out several times. Loads of fuss. I was just thinking oh just leave her in there fgs, start digging & fling a clog or 2 of mud on her head, she'll soon stop her antics. Such are back home funerals...

Further to my earlier post about my mother's funeral, it was five years ago, and I STILL do not know what has happened to her ashes. Neither the funeral director nor his 'client' my DB will tell me. Totally awful.

Three days before my father's funeral I got a call from a stranger saying my DSis had asked him to speak at the funeral and was there anything I particularly wanted him to say... when I got to the crem I was unable to contribute as DSis would not let me out of the pew, as a group of total strangers in biker gear (friends of DSis from the pub) talked about a man they clearly didn't know. No words. Sorry to be grim but there really are some disturbed families out there.

In Belfast for my dads wake. Open coffin. Drunk hanger on turns up to "pay respects". Takes a look at dad and says to my brother and me - "he's looking brave and well he is". We still laugh about that.

Have to say, this really made me laugh, it's that particular thing about the Irish funerals you simply have to enjoy as you won't find it anywhere else.
My NDN passed away after a short but painful battle with cancer. She was laid out in the funeral home so I went there to pay my respects.
My other NDN: Ah, she looks so beautiful, they really made her look great. And the dress she has on, it really suits her.
My NDN who was the best and the kindest person I have ever known - we are still in tears when we remember her, my DD who she was minding from time to time and who knew her from when she was born still cries when she remembers her. But that particular remark always manages to bring smile on my face.

I'm currently planning to take up funeral work. Reading this is making me a little less, er, enthused about my choice...

You will be fine, Reanimated! Loads of common sense, compassion, tact and kindness will go along way in that field.

thatsahairball DHs uncle died earlier this year, and his sister (my MIL) thought he would have liked it mentioned that I was pregnant and the eulogy to say something about new life. I just wanted to do whatever closest family wanted but did feel self conscious about it being mentioned and would have hated anyone to think I suggested it or wanted to make the funeral about me.

At wake, immediately following funeral of Dsd (aged 23), her 26yo sister was laughing loudly, dancing, drinking champagne and trying to pull one of the younger male attendants.

I know families each have their own way of dealing with things but was genuinely shocked. I left asap so as not to get into a row.

Basically any scenario where someone who wasn't even close to the deceased decides to make the day about him/herself and his/her wants/needs.

Reanimated I have seen the absolute worst (my DM's) but also an example of the very best undertaker (my DPs grandmother's funeral in Bradford, Yorkshire). As a result I know that a good one is an absolute blessing to humankind. He (the best) was fantastic, had been doing it forever, and somehow 'made everything alright', not just the arrangements, it went smoothly and you knew you could totally trust him. He was warm and caring and absolutely professional. I wanted to hug him, and get to know him in real life, he was so good at what he did and so lovely.
My DM's funeral however was v. difficult indeed largely because of the nightmare funeral director, whose unbelievable behaviour still stresses me out five years on.

So, if you want to do this work, and it may well be a vocation to some extent, and you think you can do it well and be kind, caring, dependable and professional - go for it - you would be a blessing to those who use your services.

Not exactly bad behaviour but at my DGF's, funeral, they couldn't manage to open the hearse so the funeral director and his assistant spent 20 minutes talking running jumps at the back of it and kicking it and then had to get a crowbar to get it open. It wasn't the most dignified final journey.

Earlier this year dsis and I attended the funeral of our elderly mother's partner. He wasn't a nice man so we were only there to represent Mum. As the man's family had thought we were after money hadn't approved of the relationship we did all the handshakes and paying of respects, then sat near the back of the church.

Part way through the service my sister nudged me and started pointing across to the other side of me, as discreetly as possible but also quite urgently. I looked but couldn't see anything but the floor, pew and wall. For the rest of the service we had this silent exchange of shrugs and gestures and headshakes where I simply couldn't understand what she was telling me. - A mouse? Something out of my bag? - until the final hymn where we all stood up and she bodily shoved me sideways a step or two looking quite shaken. It turned out that the man sitting next to her had slid his hand under her arse halfway through the sermon and started feeling around . I wish she had felt able to just walk out.

I am sure I could be the subject of one of these threads. My MiL was a bit of Harridon, she had a nasty word for everyone. There was one particular singer she hated, and when we she came on the radio she would always say the same thing . This phrase became a family joke. For years, Cards would be sent from the singer for birthdays and whoever was hosting Christmas had to buy a gift for her.

As MiL's coffin went through the curtains, the song she hated most was played, and my eldest grandson whispered the phrase in a perfect imitation of his great grandma. The front two pews collapsed into giggles.

No reanimated! You can make a huge difference in this work 💪🏼

Some of these examples are horrendous. People can be so cruel and/or unthinking.

Not bad funeral behaviour as such, more bad post bereavement behaviour ....... some years ago my Grandad died at the end of November. Come mid December my gran received a Christmas card addressed to both her and my Grandad with my Grandads name just crossed out in the card and on the envelope (which had been opened, and resealed by the sender).

Clearly the sender had written their cards back in November and didn't think my grandfather dying warranted a new card to be written so recycled the original one!

Wow Special. That is so thoughtless.

I have noted a few funny moments at funerals - these can actually be quite comforting (if the deceased was a fun person, for instance). At a mate's funeral in January, one of the pallbearers, having deposited N in his coffin at the front, took a polite step back and kicked a wreath over, nearly landing on his arse. Several of us were saying afterwards how much N would have laughed at that...

At my dads funeral I was waiting outside the church for a car to reverse out of the spot next to the hearse. I clearly had my indicator on and was letting this car out. Just as car pulled out another car came from other direction and drive in. All of us dressed in black, it was obvious we were family. My ex SIL hopped out of car and told them to move in no uncertain terms.

As we were walking up through the graveyard my db approached me and asked me to go to the bank and lodge money into his wives account who was back in the country they were living in( clearly my mother had slipped him some money). When I said no he told me to f@@@ off, that I was a selfish b@@@@. Bear in mind him and my other db were nowhere to be seen when the gravediggers had to be shown dads grave, organising the funeral or willing to say eulogy as they were at the pub! Neither was he around when dad was dying in hospital as he was feeling sick((was informed he was not in his bed sick but at the pub sick).

On a funny note, when shaking hands with sympathizers there were a lot of strong farmer types and good strong handshakes. One poor dear old lady followed these strong types and when I shook her hand heard the crack as I also have quite a firm handshake. Could only apologize!!!

KichenDancefloor

Nominated this thread for classics. I know it won't disappear, just want it to be easily found. You've made me laugh and cry