Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu stingy man?

347 replies

Kellyohojn · 06/10/2017 21:50

Had about 10 dates with him.
Paid for myself on each date (which is fine by me)
Tomorrow night he has invited me to his for a Mexican themed night (just me and him)
He said he is making some tacos and I said il bring some starters /wedges/dips,and a few little ready made cocktails.
He said he will buy some tequila for margaritas..then says shall we go halfs on the cost of the margarita ingredients?
I'm sorry but I think that's stingy?
Aibu?

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 07/10/2017 05:35

It won't get better. I was seeing a guy who had a fantastic job and....I would say lifestyle except it wasn't. He would treat me to lunch and seemed to think sharing the same sandwich was ok. When I broke up with him he said "you could have had it all, houses in France, UK, Sweden, Finland...." Yes empty houses because he was always at work, and no doubt cold because he was so stingy.

NannyRed · 07/10/2017 05:42

That's a definite no from me.

I had fancied a guy for ages (literally years) and fate bought us together at a function, we ended up at the pub together, where we exchanged numbers.
Long story short, after a few pub dates I invited him to mine for a home cooked meal. He turned up empty handed. No chocolate, no wine, no flowers and he didn't even offer to wash up! He then thought he could take me to bed! Cheeky bugger. I never saw him again after that. Mean, tight, careful, stingy or whatever they call it, it's not a nice trait.

Mustang27 · 07/10/2017 06:05

@MrsPestilence ffs it’s lime with tequila

My thoughts exactly.

LindyHemming · 07/10/2017 06:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HashtagTired · 07/10/2017 06:18

Is he the next Julia Donaldson creation?

Mustang27 · 07/10/2017 06:20

The halving an egg is just bizarre!! Thrifty can be great but this would be a massive alarm bell for me. He’d be over your shoulder constantly making sure you don’t spill any sugar or peel potatoes to thickly. I think it’s sad that he knows your trying to get your house organised and isn’t trying to be a wee bit more generous on the date front.

Just picture how shit it will feel and how angry and frustrated you will be in a restaurant in a years time having your food and drink choices policed because he is a complete skin flint. I’d run I think at 37 this is not a cycle you could break and 10 dates in im not sure after such a shit previous relationship you should be the one putting the effort into that.

ShitOrBust · 07/10/2017 06:43

People are usually on their best behaviour when they start to date someone new. they watch what they are doing and try to present themselves in the best light.
if this is what he is like on his best behaviour 10 dates in, i'd hate to see him 20 years into a marriage.

no wonder he has 700 a month saved and can buy a villa in Bulgaria. he does it by being a tightfisted arse.

to be honest you sound desperate. he can probably sense that.

Tobebythesea · 07/10/2017 06:55

Dump him. Awful! Such a turn off.

Juanbablo · 07/10/2017 07:03

Right, you had to have half an egg? That is just beyond tight. Eggs are not expensive! I admire a certain amount of frugality but this man is so stingy! Really unattractive.

Shoxfordian · 07/10/2017 07:04

Yeah you can definitely do better than this nonsense

He's ridiculously tight and it would only get worse if you lived with him.

Like others have said, it's not right to ask someone round for dinner then ask them to pay for it!

Blankscreen · 07/10/2017 07:04

I reckon he's costed everything out and that's why he asked you to buy starters etc to make it fair.

Do you get to take half the bottle of drink home with you after?

I'm surprised he's not asked you for half the cost of condoms.

Seriously dump him!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/10/2017 07:05

You are 31. You only have one life. Right now, you’re dating a man, who has some very alarming and potentially abusive traits. This type of man rings alarm bells vis a vis settling down and kids if that’s what your aim is.

Do you want to settle down?

Do you want to have children?

The more time you waste on this man, the less time you have to be you, by yourself and find out who you are and what you do and don’t want in your life. And the less time you have to find someone to spend quality time with and maybe fall in love with.

Don’t stay with him just because you made your ex jealous when you bumped into him.

And be honest. Do you see your ex is a potential partner, who made a really twatish mistake, but has he learnt his lesson? Is what he did forgivable? Do you actually still want to be with him?

Soul searching required, i think.

donajimena · 07/10/2017 07:07

Is his name John? I went out with someone like this. One of our early romantic dates was somewhat spoiled by him going through his discount voucher book to find which restaurant was the best deal.
He also used to carry his change in a little purse.

keepcalmandfuckon · 07/10/2017 07:16

Why are you still going? I want to be kind as you sound nice but, have some self respect. You're being walked over. Being treated like this isn't how you find a nice man. As long as you're dating this asshole you'll never be available when a nice one does come along.

FenceSitter01 · 07/10/2017 07:21

Christ almighty. Ditch now! If you stick with this you'll be one of those couples who sit and divide up every penny and start talking about spends.

KarateKitten · 07/10/2017 07:21

I'd give him a chance if he's otherwise kind and fun and decent. He might just need a strong word. I'd tell him that you need to talk about a sensitive topic. Tell him you're not after his money and will not expect him to pay for everything. But that it's extremely rude and offputting to invite someone over and then get them to pay for ingredients, especially when they're bringing lots themselves.

Depending on how he takes that and responds will tell you all you need to know. He may just need a bit of educating on manners etc and might be something he's open to and grateful for.

supersop60 · 07/10/2017 07:22

It won't get better.

strawberrisc · 07/10/2017 07:28

My sister's husband is a little bit like this. He's a great husband and father but he works in finance and has a very robotic and analytical mind. On the plus side they have a lovely home that he self-taught to renovate. He himself describes himself as a little bit Aspergers.

That's by the by though. This guy sounds like a tosser.

jay55 · 07/10/2017 07:37

Stay home and enjoy the starters with a bottle of wine and a good film. They’re the best part of the meal anyway.

Crunchymum · 07/10/2017 07:38

OP - aside from the fact he is a tight fucker, you really don't seem to like him much?

Why are you pursuing this?

pigeondujour · 07/10/2017 07:54

Jesus. That's him telling you what he thinks you're (not) worth. On behalf of womankind, please don't keep going out with him and let him think that that's an ok way to behave!

whiteroseredrose · 07/10/2017 07:55

Do you think it's a test? One of those Disney style ruses where he sees just how cheap he can be to prove you love him for himself? Then he suddenly reveals that he is a generous prince with a palace and untold riches? 🍾

Splitting the cost of a fair ride is SO stingy to be unreal. Being alone is better than that!

Emilybrontescorsett · 07/10/2017 07:56

Dump him.

WizardOfToss · 07/10/2017 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kellyohojn · 07/10/2017 07:59

Sorry everyone for the late reply- I fell asleep last night.
Your all right,I don't even really like him just the idea of having someone.
That sounds pathetic doesn't it.
Also he keeps telling me I need to fake tan as I'm so pale (I do like to now and again but not when I'm told)
Also bring sexy clothes over to mine etc
We also attempted sex last time but couldn't as he couldn't stay hard.
(Which I was fine with but not ideal )

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread