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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do doctors mate?

146 replies

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 05/10/2017 11:53

Inspired by another thread which said that doctors can't start a relationship with their patients made me wonder what happens if there is a reciprocal attraction?

Loads of people meet their partners at work so it seems a bit of a barrier for them.

OP posts:
NeverForgotten · 05/10/2017 12:32

I don't know of any Medical Doctors who have studied for well over a decade to qualify/specialise, who would risk getting struck off for dating a patient. There are strict ethical boundaries to be adhered to and they do not cross the line. On the other hand, it is a lot more common to have patients mistake good interpersonal skills for attraction and think their Doctor is attracted to them. There can be issues of transference. There was a thread on mn last year about a poster who wanted to ask her (or her child's) Doctor out and how to go about it. It was really cringe.

shouldnthavesaid · 05/10/2017 12:33

My uncle married his psychiatrist . That was in the early 80s . He transitioned from female to male and she supported him with it. They lived a very happy life supported by their community and were good friends with town mayor. I don't know if the town knew exactly though. They had a very happy life. I cant imagine it happens very often at all.

Dahlietta · 05/10/2017 12:33

I did!! My 2nd post realised my mistake. Ahh well I'll brace myself for the outrage of even thinking about it!!

Haha, you won't make that mistake again, OP! Sit back and enjoy the ride Wink

guilty100 · 05/10/2017 12:33

Iamagreyhound - I swear to God, I'm not making it up! He really did. You wouldn't guess it to look at me now, but I was actually quite pretty when I was a 22 year old PhD student.

Dahlietta · 05/10/2017 12:34

Sorry, hadn't registered that you'd even realised straightaway! Grin

Coconutspongexo · 05/10/2017 12:34

So guiltily you had been sedated had a colonoscopy and he gave you his number?

That's beyond dodgy Hmm

Kittychatcat · 05/10/2017 12:36

Thecolonel, I'm a teacher and I'm happily married to an accountant. None of my DH's work colleagues are married to other accountants or people who work in the financial sector.

However, I do agree that HCPs tend to marry other HCPs.

shouldnthavesaid · 05/10/2017 12:37

I think it can be incredibly difficult if you are lonely and upset to have regular contact with someone who appears to care very much for you, and to not become attached to them, not necessarily on a romantic level. From personal experience it's very difficult to cope with .

chloehazel · 05/10/2017 12:40

Doctors are busy, yes, but they don't only meet people who are either patients or colleagues. They have a life outside of work. I used to go out with a doctor, and have many dr friends (not in relation to my ex), they have a group of friends, just like everyone else, you meet people at uni (not just fellow medics), through flatmates, etc. and when they are off, they go to bars, concerts, clubs, etc. I am in my mid-twenties, so as my friends, they are all still juniors, but they all have non doctor partners at the moment.

guilty100 · 05/10/2017 12:42

No, I didn't have sedation for a couple of reasons - one medical, one practical in that I genuinely didn't have anyone to be with me after the op (my oh-so-supportive family). He gave me the number just before the procedure - and after it, I was too mortified to call. I kind of look back and wish I had rung him, as it might have been fun - though I'm very happily married now and would not want that to change! Smile

x2boys · 05/10/2017 12:42

That wouldnt happen very often sholdnthave i was a mental heakth nurse i have known of relationships between mental health nurses and patients but ad you can imagine because the patients can be very vulnerable its extremely frowned upon and an ex collegue was sacked and struck off because of it.

SusanTheGentle · 05/10/2017 12:43

My doctor friends are either married to other health care people they met at uni or through work, terminally single due to lack of time/effort to make time, or met someone through internet dating (and I'm like very late millenial aged so these are mid thirties people).

Oh and one couple who've been together since like GCSEs but they're definitely an abberation.

guilty100 · 05/10/2017 12:47

shouldnthavesaid - I think that's a good point. There's a Sarah Kane play where one character is an in-house psychiatric patient and the other a psychiatric doctor, and the confusion for the patient of being cared for in this lopsided relationship where it's so easy to confuse professional care and personal care/friendship is related in a searingly painful way.

It's a problem in counselling too, isn't it? The person getting counselling can often become attached to the counsellor, who appears to offer a kind of unconditional positive regard that can feel like love, even though it isn't.

existentialmoment · 05/10/2017 12:47

Just seems odd to me that there is a huge pool of local people that doctors aren't allowed to go out with

It's not a huge pool at all, it's just their actual patients. And it would be much odder if they were allowed to go out with their patients.

pisacake · 05/10/2017 12:58

How do they mate? Insert penis into vagina I should think?

FeralBeryl · 05/10/2017 13:02

Re: patients. Most docs would genuinely not see them as a potential anything during work hours. I see a lot of them being set up by their friends who have a 'nice' friend for them etc.
*disclaimer - unless you're Doctor Foster who is allowed to breach all professional guidelines.

Doctors (especially during the training years) have to be incredibly immersed in work, I think lots of HCP-HCP relationships are borne of this. It's easy to be able to discuss your day with someone who knows the <span class="line-through">awful</span> system. Plus the fact that you spend a lot of time getting to know each other at work.

We sit chatting about the day's diseased innards over our tea Grin

missyB1 · 05/10/2017 13:04

DH and I are a Dr / Nurse combo. Most of his colleagues are married to nurses or other Doctors.
But interestingly he says a lot of the junior doctors these days are on dating sites.

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:04

Doctors can date former patients but not their own current ones - in a GP practice there will be a few doctors so you make sure you are not the doctor of the recipient of your love

Revenant · 05/10/2017 13:05

Conferences Grin

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:05

a solicitor could lose their job over dating a client and I know one who has recently

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:06

professionals in a fiduciary relationship should always use their judgement

CandyMelts · 05/10/2017 13:07

I'll see any old doctor at the practice, don't have a specified one - if I wanted to date one who'd never treated me would that be ok? Or would you still have to register at a different practice?

Hypothetically of course, I'm married and it's mainly female docs I've seen

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:13

Candy provided you were not a current patient - it shouldnt be a problem

Majormanner · 05/10/2017 13:17

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/9953843/Doctors-allowed-to-date-former-patients.html

Bit out of date but the start of it all

Sooooooooooooooooooooo · 05/10/2017 13:20

I'm a HCP married to another HCP, lots of people marry work colleagues.

The only people we aren't allowed to go out with are current patients so it's hardly that slim a group.