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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to dye his hair

109 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:37

DH is mid thirties with a fair amount of grey and had suddenly decided that he has to dye it. The main reason for this, he says, is that nobody will hire him because they think he's too old and irrelevant (he does not work in a glamourous job).

I think dyed hair looks weird on men, and like his hair exactly the way it is. Also, he has no idea of the upkeep he'd be inflicting upon himself FOREVER.

Nevertheless he's asked me to dye it for him and we're in a stand off situation because I'm refusing. AIBU?

OP posts:
XJerseyGirlX · 03/10/2017 15:38

Why don't you ask him to try a wash n wash out on and let him see if he likes it first ?

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:39

Because I'd bloody have to do it for him! He has no clue where to begin!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 03/10/2017 15:40

Agree with wash in/wash out - and just for interviews

dementedpixie · 03/10/2017 15:40

Oh fgs let him do it. If he doesn't like it he can grow it out again

Cakebaby123 · 03/10/2017 15:41

I'm in agreement with you to some extent, I think men with dyed hair look odd. Its perfectly acceptable for a man to have grey hair and I very much doubt it has any real effect on his career.
DO NOT dye it for him.. If he's adamant that he wants it doing, suggest he go to hair dresser and at least get it done properly.
I'd be very upset if my husband told me I wasn't allowed to dye my hair to be honest. So instead of telling him not to, just suggest that its his hair and his choice but you want no part in it.
That's what i would do xx

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 03/10/2017 15:42

Yes of course YABU. It's his hair, and it's not for you to dictate what he should do with it. Just show him how to do it the first time, it isn't rocket science and I'm sure he will be capable of doing it himself after it he can be bothered to keep up with it. Why would you not want him feeling more confident about himself - how would you feel if he didn't want you to do something with yourself which makes you feel better.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:42

I didn't tell him not too, btw, I just said I wouldn't do it for him. And now he's in a huff with me.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/10/2017 15:42

Do you dye your hair?

Ilovetolurk · 03/10/2017 15:43

No no no
Just watch the current series of cold feet - even with access to no doubt the most expensive stylists Adam and Pete still look bizarre

And Just For Men will not look any better I assure you

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:44

He really isn't capable of dying his own hair. He barely remembers to brush his teeth twice a day. I have to order his prescriptions for him because he never remembers to put them in on time. He runs out of pants/socks regularly because he kicks them off next to the bed instead of putting them in the wash basket.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 03/10/2017 15:44

I totally see where he's coming from. My DH is in his thirties and his beard has gone super grey - he looks a LOT older with a beard now, and he's gutted. His hair has really gone grey too, but not to the same extent. It turns out that beard dye doesn't work.

I don't see the problem at all - and how do you know that more men DON'T dye their hair? You probably mean that visibly dyed hair looks weird on men, surely?

That said, if he's old enough to want to dye his hair he should be old enough to do it himself. He can read the instructions, right? If his hair is short it should be an enviably neat job too. Just get the dye off the back of his neck while it's developing.

You could probably make his life a bit easier by buying the colour for him - get the best one you can afford, as close to his natural hair (used to be!!) as poss.

SweetChickadee · 03/10/2017 15:44

I wouldn't be doing it either. If he wants it done go to the hairdressers. But I agree that there is something odd about a man with dyed hair and you can always tell a dye job

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:45

He's not going to remember to dye his hair every six weeks.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/10/2017 15:46

YABU to tell him not to dye it. YANBU to not do it for him. Send him to the hairdressers.

AdoraBell · 03/10/2017 15:46

My DH was deemed unemployable, over the hill, in his mid forties. If your DH thinks his greying hair is impacting his chances then he is NBU, but I would agree that he should get it done properly.

leedspirate · 03/10/2017 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 03/10/2017 15:48

He barely remembers to brush his teeth twice a day. I have to order his prescriptions for him because he never remembers to put them in on time. He runs out of pants/socks regularly because he kicks them off next to the bed instead of putting them in the wash basket.

He sounds like a catch. Grin

Is he surely it isn't his personal hygiene that is putting people off hiring him?

StaySexyDontGetMurdered · 03/10/2017 15:49

I think you're being a bit mean to him really. I can't help but imagine how it would be if roles were reversed and he was criticising you for dying your hair whilst your having a wobble about your image. You'd feel awful if he was saying "but everyone can tell you're not a natural blonde! You'll look weird!"

Yanbu to not do it for him though. He needs to either try himself or book in with a hairdresser

seven201 · 03/10/2017 15:49

So what if he doesn't do it every 6 weeks? Also, he'll have a visual reminder just by looking in the mirror! I don't always dye mine every 6 weeks, but my husband hasn't kicked off. He can do it himself though, don't do it for him.

ChicRock · 03/10/2017 15:49

TBH if he's too thick to buy a home dye and follow the instructions all by himself, then yes he is probably too stupid for any employer to hire him.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 03/10/2017 15:50

Tell him to look at Paul McCartney. If he can't get it right, with all his money, then your husband won't be able to.

If he can't keep on top of it with roots etc then he needs to just go grey gracefully.

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:50

He's honestly really clueless about this stuff. He has really long eyebrow and nostril hairs which, in all honesty, are far more distracting than him having grey in his hair. And he has a missing tooth. He has this weird misdirected vanity issue about his hair though.

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:51

It sounds like I'm being harsh on him, but I like him the way he is!

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 03/10/2017 15:55

He barely remembers to brush his teeth twice a day. I have to order his prescriptions for him because he never remembers to put them in on time. He runs out of pants/socks regularly because he kicks them off next to the bed instead of putting them in the wash basket

Wow. What a CV!!! Any employer would be very lucky to have him. Not to mention what an amazing, self-sufficient, husband he sounds like.

Do you have to wipe his shitty arse too? Or do you just get to wash his skiddy grundies, cos bless him, he doesn't know how to work a washing machine.

astoundedgoat · 03/10/2017 15:56

He has really long eyebrow and nostril hairs which, in all honesty, are far more distracting than him having grey in his hair. And he has a missing tooth.

Yikes! I think in the nicest way possible, he needs to address all of this before he starts blaming the greys. A missing tooth would be HUGELY off-putting in a job interview. An ear/nose hair trimmer is £12 on Amazon and groomed eyebrows are becoming more the norm for men - especially if they're a bit wild. It's just basic grooming.

Stop buying him new underwear though, seriously. You're not his mum.