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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to dye his hair

109 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 03/10/2017 15:37

DH is mid thirties with a fair amount of grey and had suddenly decided that he has to dye it. The main reason for this, he says, is that nobody will hire him because they think he's too old and irrelevant (he does not work in a glamourous job).

I think dyed hair looks weird on men, and like his hair exactly the way it is. Also, he has no idea of the upkeep he'd be inflicting upon himself FOREVER.

Nevertheless he's asked me to dye it for him and we're in a stand off situation because I'm refusing. AIBU?

OP posts:
JessicaEccles · 03/10/2017 16:53

the tooth and the nostril hair and the dodgy hygiene

Could he not get a job as a pirate? Grin

Italiangreyhound · 03/10/2017 16:54

Wow Martin Kemp does look better grey!

OP I was all ready to say you were being unreasonable and then I saw what you are up against!

Slowly, slowly, force him to do all these things fro himself, and make him book him to get tooth fixed. Then, if he can manage all those things, I'd say, yes, dye his hair if he wants!

But I'd say it is not the colour by style.

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/392868767485421127/

Italiangreyhound · 03/10/2017 16:54

but style...

JemimaLovesHamble · 03/10/2017 16:55

Do you wipe his bum as well OP? It sounds like you have to do everything else for him. Sexy... Confused

TizzyDongue · 03/10/2017 17:02

He really isn't capable of dying his own hair. He barely remembers to brush his teeth twice a day. I have to order his prescriptions for him because he never remembers to put them in on time. He runs out of pants/socks regularly because he kicks them off next to the bed instead of putting them in the wash basket.

Along with the eyebrows and nostril hair o have to ask: is he Mr Twit?

movingtowardsthelight · 03/10/2017 17:04

If he uses a semi permanent colour not a permanent one it will fade away with no regrowth lines. Get him a kit, and some petroleum jelly to rub in around the hairline on the forehead.

If he does it and it goes wrong (gets on the skin) just scrub with a baby wipe.

I would not be doing it for him as very grey hair can need doing every 10 days, and he's only going to get greyer.....

Buy him a box and leave him to it.

MummytoCSJH · 03/10/2017 17:06

You are unreasonable to tell him what he can and cannot do with his own hair especially if it is making him self conscious. You are not unreasonable not to do it if you really don't want him to, though he could do it himself or go to a hairdresser.

bumblingbovine49 · 03/10/2017 17:10

Sorry but absolutely no way does Martin Kemp look better grey.
Anyway, I can't believe the hard time your DH is getting for being a bit unkempt. I think if he wants to dye his hair he needs to go to a hairdresser but I would not be telling him he can't.

strongasmeringue · 03/10/2017 17:11

Are you sure he's an adult with all this barely remembering to.....

Stop enabling him! Let him put his own prescriptions in for a start

lelapaletute · 03/10/2017 17:13

I'm quite surprised by how many people would hold s missing tooth against someone in an interview situation. You don't know how they lost it, do you? Nit everyone e can afford/is comfortable with implants...

DearMrDilkington · 03/10/2017 17:18

I think yabu, but I think dyed hair looks hot on anyone.

Probably not so hot on a man that can't remember to brush his teeth though.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 03/10/2017 17:18

I wouldn’t hold it against him but an unkept appearance can indicate a lack of care and attention in other areas.

I couldn’t go to work with unbrushed, unwashed hair.

DearMrDilkington · 03/10/2017 17:20

Out of curiosity, why do you put up with a man child?

The hair dye situation is the last thing that you should be bothered about. He sounds really unpleasant.

Fernanie · 03/10/2017 17:21

Some of these responses are a bit harsh to the OP's DH.
Some nights I can't be arsed to take my makeup off before bed, even though my skin would probably look better if I did. Sometimes I get that horrible cracked skin on my heels and don't sort it until sandals weather comes around Envy (not envy). I have some downy hair on my cheeks that I never bother getting threaded. Sometimes I throw my pants at the laundry basket but miss, and leave them on the floor until I next do laundry. Occasionally, on a Saturday, I don't shower if I'm not leaving the house. Do you lot honestly never let things slide in your grooming regimes, or have any embarrassing habits you'd hate for the neighbours to see?
If he's otherwise capable and kind, I'd overlook the odd nose hair Hmm. Loads of girls / women ask a friend to help them the first time they dye their hair at home. It's handy to have someone check that you've got it even and haven't smeared it all down your neck. OP I bet if he does it once and realises what a hassle it is and what the upkeep involves he won't keep doing it.
If he goes for it, go for a shade lighter than his normal colour - your skin tone changes as your hair goes grey, which is why dark colours often look so stark on an older person.

Fernanie · 03/10/2017 17:22

That was much more ranty on paper than in my head! Blush

DearMrDilkington · 03/10/2017 17:22

fern big difference between the things you said and having missing teeth because you can't be bothered to brush them.

CockacidalManiac · 03/10/2017 17:23

Sometimes I throw my pants at the laundry basket but miss, and leave them on the floor until I next do laundry

Do you leave them by the side of the bed for your partner to pick up? In which case, it’s not comparable.
He also doesn’t sound very capable to me. Actually, it’s more likely that he chooses not to be capable.

Vitalogy · 03/10/2017 17:25

Sorry but absolutely no way does Martin Kemp look better grey. Did you ever see him when he was in Eastenders, I couldn't concentrate on anything but his hair, you could tell a mile off it was dyed, his skin tone and hair colour just didn't go. Here's a better one of him.

DH wants to dye his hair
Maverick66 · 03/10/2017 17:29

Nooooooo!

PinkCrystal · 03/10/2017 17:30

Some of the replies on this thread made me laugh so much!!Grin

Fernanie · 03/10/2017 17:30

Big difference between the things you said and having missing teeth because you can't be bothered to brush them.

Is it though? They're things that make me - in some people's eyes, I assume - ugly, or uglier than I would be if I took the time to do them. Some people might be repulsed by a woman with cracked heels or a bit of hair on her face, in the same way that some people are repulsed by a missing tooth or nose hair.

Do you leave them by the side of the bed for your partner to pick up? In which case, it’s not comparable.
No, fair enough. And it does piss me off when he does the same and leaves them for me!

ILoveMillhousesDad · 03/10/2017 17:31

If he's otherwise capable and kind, I'd overlook the odd nose hair

He may be kind, but from what the OP said, he certainly is NOT capable of the most basic of jobs.

She has to remind him to brush his remaining teeth
She has to order his prescriptions for him
She has to pick up his undies or he runs out as he can't put them in the washing basket
He cannot follow step by step instructions on a box
He loses items his wife has given him on 2 occasions

So capable - nah.

AdoraBell · 03/10/2017 17:32

Yes fernanie, but you wash the knickers that have missed the linen basket, and do you go to work on a Tuesday with Monday’s make up still on?

And if you need a prescription who do you expect to get that sorted for you?

You are being a busy grown up, the OP’s DH is being a man child.

LonginesPrime · 03/10/2017 17:37

YWBU to prevent him from dyeing his hair because you don't like it.

However, YANBU for refusing to actually dye his hair for him. That's not your job and if he wants to dye it, he should be able to do it (or find someone willing to do it) himself.

It's not your problem to solve.

Falconhoof1 · 03/10/2017 18:03

My DH dyes his hair. It's also long. The only trouble is he's dyed it too dark (he's light brown naturally but now it's nearly black!). He looks like an ageing gothGrinGrin