Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why there is so much negativity breastfeeding over 1s?

190 replies

rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:03

DS is still breastfed, he is 13 months so it is not often, just on waking, to go to bed and sometimes once in the day for a nap or if feeling poorly.

I didn't aim to breastfeed longterm and my initial goal was to atleast get to 6 months but it just worked for us and it is now a lovely comfort and I also enjoy it, I am the only one left amongst baby group friends but their babies (same age) have formula or cows milk in its place at the same times DS would have a feed. Everytime feeding is raised in conversation one will ask "when will you stop" "Does he still need breastmilk" "he will be too old soon". Hmm

I find this odd when it comes from mothers also still giving their babies milk and most give a bottle rather than a cup so they are doing practically the same but I would never dare ask if they are too old for milk or too old for a bottle.

My DM asks me regularly if he still needs to be breastfed and how "unnecessary" it is now and she is convinced it is why he is clingy (I'd say more because it has just been him and I since he was very young -single parent) and says it is bad for his teeth.

I don't understand the negativity, I know its a choice that some may not be comfortable with but if a child has cows or formula milk it isn't questioned its just dropped when the child is ready.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 04/10/2017 05:43

Just laugh and say, 'does it matter?'

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 04/10/2017 06:08

YANBU. I actually never pulled up any of the ppl who made negative remarks about my bf. My GP, my SIL, two friends, several colleagues, and that was just the ones who made remarks directly about me and dd. Then there have been many other situations where ppl have said unreasonable and negative things about natural term bf. The attitude towards giving human babies their mother's milk in this country is perverse. It's really quite depressing

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 04/10/2017 06:13

We've been trained by commercialism (the selling of formula and the objectification of women) to see breastfeeding as a weird activity

ISaySteadyOn · 04/10/2017 06:40

I have just realised that DS has stopped bfing. He doesn't ask anymore. He is 3.
I have been reading this thread with interest especially about mothers' feelings and I guess I am now feeling a little sad that the bfing part of my mothering is over.

I don't think it is possible to feed a baby or toddler or child who doesn't want to so I also think that the idea that the mother is doing it for herself is absolute tosh.

No answers to your question OP, but loads of encouragement. Go on for as long as you both want to.

Nightsleepneeded · 04/10/2017 06:48

Ineverbakecakes, you never took a psychology degree either did you? Such a sweeping statement to say mothers who breastfeed at five do it for themselves.

PoorYorick · 04/10/2017 07:12

I breastfed to about 16 months and never got any negativity....quite the opposite, I had to explain to several people that there's nothing at all wrong with formula feeding.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 04/10/2017 07:20

I had to explain to several people that there's nothing wrong at all with formula feeding how did that come to be?

Choosegopse · 04/10/2017 08:13

Join a breastfeeding group or La Leche League and you'll find a whole loada people who bf their kids for a lot longer and who share your ideas. It's not mainstream but that doesn't make it wrong. It seems to make people nervous for some reason but try not to feel judged by them. Just smile and bat away the questions.

Original poster
rollerbladersrule · 04/10/2017 10:09

I'll have a look what groups I have locally as it would be nice to talk to like minded people, I don't know anyone in RL who breastfed longer than 9ish months but most never did/only for a few weeks so it can be hard.

I get what people are saying about not needing to mention it or to not let comments bother me. They don't upset me in theory as I'm happy we are still feeding and know we are both getting so many health benefits and I love the bond that its something only we can do together, it just bothers me that it is kind of a secret/taboo thing in the first place!

OP posts:
Lookingforadvice123 · 04/10/2017 10:38

I don't think there's anything wrong with it and don't see why anyone would. And I FF from a month old (just didn't enjoy BF at all).

HOWEVER if I saw a mum bf'ing a much older baby, say my ds' age (21 months) in public, must admit I would eye roll. However I also don't really like seeing babies this age with bottles or dummies in public. DS has a bedtime bottle and dummy, they're very much for comfort and any milk he has the rest of the day is in a cup.

I had a massive eye roll moment in Center Parcs recently when a mum walked in to the pool area breastfeeding a child who was clearly pushing two. She was clearly making a point, daring someone to challenge her. As if at that age, he couldn't have waited for his milk Hmm I wouldn't have let ds take a cup of milk into the swimming pool. There was a deck chair area with lots of mum's sat bf'ing younger babies, which is 100% appropriate. Little babies need their milk when they want it (whether bottle or bf). Toddlers do not.

Uptheduffy · 04/10/2017 10:47

Well you clearly do think theres something wrong with it if you would roll your eyes! You sound more immature than the toddler tbh.

user1471459936 · 04/10/2017 11:12

Uh, Lookingforadvice, you're being judgemental and rude.

MotherofPearl · 04/10/2017 11:18

I guess maybe the negativity about BF older babies or toddlers is just part of the wider negativity and seeming discomfort many people seem to have about BF, especially in the UK. In many other parts of the world, it is common to BF until 2/3 or even longer.

I BF DD1 until she was 18mo, DS until he was 20mo, and now still going strong with DD2 who is 17mo. We'll give up when we're ready. Keep doing what's right for you and your child OP, don't let the negativity get to you.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/10/2017 11:18

Yes, a TODDLER. A 13 month old isn't a toddler?

IMO BF at a TODDLER'S age, like bottles and dummies, should be for comfort. As I said, I don't like to see a child almost two with a dummy out and about, unless they're napping. It's not exclusive to bf.

At the swimming pool, if my 21 month old had demanded a cup of milk, I would've taken him to the changing room or to the seating area as I don't really think it's appropriate for him to have it sat in the paddling pool area. My thoughts on the woman bf the TODDLER are the same. As I said, as if he couldn't wait at that age. If he had been screaming for a dummy at the swimming pool, I would also have eye-rolled.

user1471459936 · 04/10/2017 11:24

Ah, yes. Toddlers needing comfort. Shocking. How does it actually affect you if a toddler breastfeeds? It doesn't. So stay out of it.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/10/2017 11:26

What a stupid comment, lots of things that's don't immediately effect us still bother us.

Pretty sure swimming pools have a "no drinks" policy when IN the actual pool.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/10/2017 11:28

And re toddlers needing comfort, yes as I said I have a toddler. What's wrong with a cuddle ffs? I don't produce his dummy every time he whimpers, as I'm sure many parents don't. He knows it's for sleep, same as his cuddly dog.

user1471459936 · 04/10/2017 11:28

But how does it even indirectly have an impact on your life?

You can breastfeed anywhere (including a pool).

Angryangryyoungwoman · 04/10/2017 11:30

My perspective. I thought I'd try breastfeeding. Got to 6 months, then a year, 2 years, now nearly 4. Thought dd would have stopped by now but she hasn't and that is fine too.

The people that judge, that roll their eyes etc are pathetic and need to concentrate on their own lives unless someone is being harmed or needs help. Neither of which apply to breastfeeding.
I am neither proud nor ashamed, it is what it is, a natural process and the judgmental attitudes towards it are, as I said, pathetic, in my view. As it stands, I have never experienced negative attitudes about breastfeeding in real life, just on here. Strange.

user1471459936 · 04/10/2017 11:30

I think you are perfectly demonstrating some people's awkward attitude towards breastfeeding whilst not actually being able to articulate why you feel that way.

user1471459936 · 04/10/2017 11:31

Sorry - that was to lookingforadvice.

BroomstickOfLove · 04/10/2017 11:34

When you are in the swimming pool with your toddler, are you holding a dummy out towards the toddler the whole time, while saying "No, you can't have it"?
Because that's pretty much the situation for a breastfeed one year old in the pool with his mother. My kids generally only ever saw that much cleavage when I was feeding them.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/10/2017 12:08

Broomstick that would be a very valid point say on a beach, but this was Center Parcs. Everyone was wearing modest Boden one pieces, of course. No cleavage in sight.

user yes, I'm demonstrating that I think, in a swimming pool, breastfeeding an almost two year old whilst you are walking into and then sat down in the pool itself is UNNECESSARY.

A lot of parents don't like older children having dummies in public, as it's unnecessary. Why isn't there a thread about attitudes towards that for crying out loud?

I'd like to withdraw my comment that I eyeroll when I see a toddler being bf out in public eg in a cafe, park bench etc, as that's not true - I simply would acknowledge without really thinking anything of it.

Walking into a pool however, is unnecessary. I later saw the same mum driving out of the car park with said toddler on her lap. This obviously bothered me much more as it's dangerous. The bf in the pool didn't bother me as such; as I said, I just eye rolled, as she was clearly making a point.

BroomstickOfLove · 04/10/2017 12:20

My breastfed babies went absolutely crazy for milk when I wore a perfectly modest one-piece. A Boden one-piece generally shows more cleavage than the average nursing bra. Trust me - I've breastfed a toddler.

Uptheduffy · 04/10/2017 12:32

My last child never drank cow's milk or formual, though they were both offered to him. He didn't bf for comfort (alone) it was how he got his milk!