to ask why there is so much negativity breastfeeding over 1s?

[rollerbladersrule]

DS is still breastfed, he is 13 months so it is not often, just on waking, to go to bed and sometimes once in the day for a nap or if feeling poorly.

I didn't aim to breastfeed longterm and my initial goal was to atleast get to 6 months but it just worked for us and it is now a lovely comfort and I also enjoy it, I am the only one left amongst baby group friends but their babies (same age) have formula or cows milk in its place at the same times DS would have a feed. Everytime feeding is raised in conversation one will ask "when will you stop" "Does he still need breastmilk" "he will be too old soon".

I find this odd when it comes from mothers also still giving their babies milk and most give a bottle rather than a cup so they are doing practically the same but I would never dare ask if they are too old for milk or too old for a bottle.

My DM asks me regularly if he still needs to be breastfed and how "unnecessary" it is now and she is convinced it is why he is clingy (I'd say more because it has just been him and I since he was very young -single parent) and says it is bad for his teeth.

I don't understand the negativity, I know its a choice that some may not be comfortable with but if a child has cows or formula milk it isn't questioned its just dropped when the child is ready.

firsttimemum I cut a feed a week, the last to go was the bedtime feed. The night after the last feed, I said "Right, get on DD's bed for a story." He didn't even miss it! 😂

Skippy BF for me changed so much between 6 & 12 months. DS never took a bottle, and he wont take milk from a cup either but I have left him for various things and he just has water in my absence and feeds on return. By 9 months it had dropped to 3 feeds and by 12 he only 'needs' first and last thing the middle one he will give or take and wouldn't want if I wasn't there although I do leave some expressed milk incase.

I breastfed until 2 1/2 with my DD. It was only for comfort, she was able to sleep without it by that point. She would let DH put her to bed so we know it wasn't needed.

I had a few people ask me. At our 2 year check, HV told me that I don't need to BF past 1, and there are no nutrients in it now. I wasn't impressed. But she also told me I needed to do sleep training because DD still slept with us. She's 4 now and still sleeps with us haha.

I actually think it's a lot more common to feed over one now. We didn't self-wean. It just felt natural to stop, so we did. She didn't even ask, we just had cuddles instead.

I BF DS1 for 2 years before he lost interest in it. It was just a feed at bedtime from about 18m old, and no one gave me any negative comments except my DM. She thought it was time I stopped when he was about 18m old, but she did say it was just out of concern for my health as I was exhausted (by work and living with an arsehole partner, not feeding DS!) and anaemic.

I thought I'd do the same with DS2, but he absolutely did not want to stop BF for a very long time! By the age of 2.5 it was just a bedtime feed, but whenever I tried to stop this he would get distraught and I'd have to spend several hours getting him to sleep even after I'd given in eventually. He needed that closeness, despite being a very outgoing, confident child who is the absolute opposite of shy and clingy. It wasn't doing me any harm or inconveniencing me - in fact it made bedtime so, so much quicker and easier. He eventually stopped at 4.5yrs. It wasn't something I really discussed with people so people just assumed I'd stopped I imagine, when actually I just didn't feed him in public after about 2.5yrs.

My childrens' stepmother commented on how she didn't understand why people BF for over a year when she was pregnant. Yet she is still Bf her 23m old DD several times a day now - so now she knows

I know a few people who have BF past 3 and tandem fed kids. It's not that unusual, people just do it at home and don't discuss it unless asked about it I think.

Bazinga I had similar comments at DS's one year HV check, she said he shouldn't be feeding to sleep and when he wanted his bedtime milk I should replace with a "piece of bread" as otherwise he will never be able to sleep without milk.

eeanne - I'm just suggesting reasons why it's seen as less 'normal' to breastfeed past 1 - and I think the fact that many women go back to work after a year is part of it, because many jobs are incompatible with continued breastfeeding.

I'm sure you're right that some jobs would be compatible with breastfeeding - if you work 9-5 with no commute for example. But lots of women don't work those kinds of hours or patterns, and may simply decide that being a working mum (I hate that phrase - why am I using it?) is tough enough without adding breastfeeding onto their list of chores as well.

My DD is 2.7 years old, and she still has 2 breastfeeds every day.

I didn’t think I’d be able to do it for longer than a few weeks, but after the initial pain subsided, I realised how relaxing it was for me and my DD. It was also an amazing weight loss tool, so that really encouraged me to stick with it!

I’m a sahm, which has obviously helped me to continue to breastfeed. I imagine that many women have to/are almost forced to give up breastfeeding when they return to work due to the time and logistics involved in expressing milk. Perhaps some of the negativity stems from here.

My Mum thinks that breastfeeding at any age is disgusting, and refused to breastfeed me. My Nan breastfed for a few weeks, but she hated it as she felt it restricted her, so she bottle fed for the majority of the time. Both were very negative and unsupportive of me when I told them I was going to breastfeed, and kept on telling me to bottle feed.

When my DD turned 1, both kept on telling me to stop breastfeeding as it’s ‘disgusting,’ and ‘weird.’ They both kept on saying childish things about not being able to breastfeed when her teeth come through, so I take great delight in feeding her in front of them now she has all of her teeth! Aside from my Mum and Nan, any negativity I’ve received from others on this matter has been from those also aged 60+. I had assumed that people of these ages would’ve been more supportive - maybe I’ve just encountered a certain minority of people.

I think there is criticism about literally everything you do with kids but particularly regarding feeding. Maybe people feel bad that they aren't doing it themselves. I dunno? I can't see why anyone would be bothered about someone elses choices TBH.

My ds kept going until I put my foot down just after turning 3, we both loved the moments of being mum and baby and funny enough people didn't challenge me on this, I stopped it when I felt it had gone on long enough and we were moving into a different stage of his life. He was rather fine as I laid on the bed with him and told him that we will be stopping with bf, gave him lots of cuddles and made sure we had a laugh. Went very well but it was planned out with dils that they have him for a couple days first to ween him off me (morning and evening feeds) so he could see it was ok by the time he came back and I had this moment with him. He is now eating like a elephant, more then me and dh together, very confident, safe and secure, compassionate and loving, high and low swinging off the chandeliers monkey (met.). I cannot say that feeding him for as long as I have has done any harm to him, he is very strong, knows he is loved and is growing as an individual.

Your friends need to keep out of it, none of their business, if they try it on then point to the bottles and ask how that bottle is better then the mothers milk designed for our babies. And it's your choice as well as your child's, if they need that extra time why shouldn't we give ut to them if we can?!

There is no such thing as normal

Normal is defined as conforming to what is usual, typical, expected. Breastfeeding a seven year old would be felt by most people to be outside of the typical norm.

Out of interest, what if the child continued happily breastfeeding till 10? Beyond? Uni age for comfort every now and then?

When you become a mother you need to develop a thick skin very quickly. I had a constant drip of comments from our families over breastfeeding, what I fed my baby, swaddling, sleeping and the most annoying one was what shoes they wore. Apparently when you are one you should have really hard patent leather Mary Janes.

I quickly learned to tilt head, smile and nod and have a few phrases like..really or that's nice, does she?, hmmm, oh that's interesting. Then I did whatever the hell I liked. My children seem to have turned out alright.

Don't know. I'm still feeding ds3, who is almost 3. Just once a day, but he won't go to sleep without it and I value sleep more than I value the opinions of strangers who think breastfeeding past a certain age is weird.

To the poster asking about going back to work after 12 months.... I fed both on demand and was with them lots until I went back to work full time, sometimes overnight. Both dc were good with dh and cows milk in s cup. I also blw from 6month. I also put them to nursery .... so not really fit with stereotype of lentil knitting, martyr as I am an extended and tandem feeder. I think it's finding what works for u and makes you feel secure when back at work. If that's cups: bottles/ expressed/ cows/ formula it's no ones business. I found la leche helped put my mind at rest that it would be a lot clearer about what was right for me around the 12m mark as was panicking at 6mth thinking how will I ever manage back at work.

Wait till he's 3, people really get opinionated then! I just used to laugh at them.

There is no such thing as normal

Normal is defined as conforming to what is usual, typical, expected. Breastfeeding a seven year old would be felt by most people to be outside of the typical norm

Most people? In what culture? In some cultures, see Mongolia for example, it might be usual, typical, expected. In the UK, where breastfeeding rates, particularly long term breastfeeding rates are low, this may not be as common but that does not make it normal or not normal.

Out of interest, what if the child continued happily breastfeeding till 10? Beyond? Uni age for comfort every now and then?

Mother and child's choice innit?

Most people? In what culture? In some cultures, see Mongolia for example, it might be usual, typical, expected. In the UK, where breastfeeding rates, particularly long term breastfeeding rates are low, this may not be as common but that does not make it normal or not normal.

Well obviously within our own social and cultural contexts. In this country it would be seen as not normal for a small child to rise at dawn and go to work, yet in many tribal cultures in other parts of the world small children routinely take up work to look after livestock etc. So given that in the UK a 7 year old breastfed child would not be a common or routine occurance, we can obviously see this as not within our norms. Note that I do not say bad or wrong, but if you can't see that it isn't 'normal' you are being deliberately facetious.

Out of interest, what if the child continued happily breastfeeding till 10? Beyond? Uni age for comfort every now and then?

Mother and child's choice innit?

I didn't ask whose choice it was. It is clear from the range of offerings on this thread that the experience is a varied, individual one, and obviously there are no 'breastfeeding police' enforcing an official 'cut-off date'. I'm genuinely interested in whether those parets' feelings would change if the breastfeeding went past 7. Because if you've done 7 years, what's another 2, or 3, or 4? It is, as I have mentioned, an experience which deviates from the norm, and extreme behaviour interests me
I wonder how many children would 'choose' to breastfeed through school age because they genuinely want to, or how this choice might be influenced by the knowledge that mum likes feeling needed and breastfeeding is expected of them.

I think how long you BF for is different for each child/each mother and is hard to say.

When I had DD I BF for only a few months as I was younger, lacked support and gave in to the opinions that she was too hungry (cluster feeding) so gave up, with DS I aimed to feed until atleast 6 months but I didn't when he was born think I would feed until 2/3/4 or beyond I think when we stop will depend how we both feel as we go on.

If he still had comfort at 6/7 from breastmilk and we were both happy then who knows, no one finds it odd giving their DCs milk from a cows udder, designed purely for their calf so why milk from their mother.

So given that in the UK a 7 year old breastfed child would not be a common or routine occurance, we can obviously see this as not within our norms. Note that I do not say bad or wrong, but if you can't see that it isn't 'normal' you are being deliberately facetious

Nope, not facetious, but as I originally said, there is actually no such thing as normal. There may be very high rates of 7 year old children breastfeeding and not reported because of a social stigma caused by the use of the word "normal" or the word "weird"

Also, the claim that a child would keep breastfeeding because they perceived that their mother wanted to feel needed is an interesting idea...

there is actually no such thing as normal

I suggest you purchase a dictionary. This is a statement people use to make themselves feel better about something they percieve as weird.

Also, the claim that a child would keep breastfeeding because they perceived that their mother wanted to feel needed is an interesting idea...

I thought so too!

I really can't imagine my 6 yo doing anything she didn't want to purely because she thought I wanted her to do so. Even when I make it clear what I 'want' her to do, she does the opposite!

There's a difference - in usage and implication - between 'within the norm' and 'normal'. Saying something is 'not normal' may literally mean it is 'not within the norm', but it is very heavily charged with disapproval, condemnation and/or connotations of being a problem.

It would be extremely rare for a child to breastfeed to age 10. In fact the only children I've heard of breastfeeding past about 6 usually have some kind of special needs. I've never heard of a child breastfeeding past puberty and don't believe that it could naturally happen. Once you become aware of your own sexual desires you wouldn't want to keep suckling, it would be weird.

That's why there's no cut off point. It does naturally sort itself out. Mind you I've had some comments on here for breastfeeding DS until he was four ,he's almost nine now and you wouldn't know at all. I find when I mention it in comparison to him now (which is rare I must admit!) People seem much less shocked and have fewer issues than when I used to mention it when I was still doing it, it's funny.

i suggest you purchase a dictionary. This is a statement people use to make themselves feel better about something they percieve as weird.

Now who is being facetious? The discussion is about defining normal in the context of breastfeeding, and whether that is a helpful term to use. Defining breastfeeding and its time frames as normal/not normal/weird is unhelpful to women and stigmatising

There's a difference - in usage and implication - between 'within the norm' and 'normal'. Saying something is 'not normal' may literally mean it is 'not within the norm', but it is very heavily charged with disapproval, condemnation and/or connotations of being a problem.

I agree

I actually find it stranger to pick a date like 12 months and then just stop. I haven't done that with my DD's bottles so I wouldn't do it if I was BF either. That said, I think there is a 'norm' with all of the baby comforters and habits generally and people will say that a 5 year old will a dummy is ridiculous or a 4 year old who still has a bottle for example.

As parents we just have to use common sense and personal judgement relating to all these things. Children are individual as are parents. My 2.9 year old still has a bottle of milk at bedtime because she has ASD and couldn't cope with her routine changing when I tried it a few months ago. My 15 month old has a dummy for sleeps and naps and honestly have no idea when it will change.

If you as a parent know that the reasons for doing something are for the child's benefit then stuff what the rest of the world thinks quite frankly. My sister BF all her (4) kids until around 18 months each. The youngest still had the occasional BF at 2. My sister never made a big deal out of it and ultimately they all weaned themselves. I do remember a bit of gentle persuasion with her 2 youngest but they weren't too fussed by then. She was a wonderful mum (no longer will us unfortunately).