to ask why there is so much negativity breastfeeding over 1s?

[rollerbladersrule]

DS is still breastfed, he is 13 months so it is not often, just on waking, to go to bed and sometimes once in the day for a nap or if feeling poorly.

I didn't aim to breastfeed longterm and my initial goal was to atleast get to 6 months but it just worked for us and it is now a lovely comfort and I also enjoy it, I am the only one left amongst baby group friends but their babies (same age) have formula or cows milk in its place at the same times DS would have a feed. Everytime feeding is raised in conversation one will ask "when will you stop" "Does he still need breastmilk" "he will be too old soon".

I find this odd when it comes from mothers also still giving their babies milk and most give a bottle rather than a cup so they are doing practically the same but I would never dare ask if they are too old for milk or too old for a bottle.

My DM asks me regularly if he still needs to be breastfed and how "unnecessary" it is now and she is convinced it is why he is clingy (I'd say more because it has just been him and I since he was very young -single parent) and says it is bad for his teeth.

I don't understand the negativity, I know its a choice that some may not be comfortable with but if a child has cows or formula milk it isn't questioned its just dropped when the child is ready.

A lot of my friends within the home ed community extended bf. I've occasionally asked questions, because it interests me, but (hopefully) never in a judgmental way. I bf dd until 17 months (which drew a fair amount of comment and criticism) and off the back of that didn't bf ds1 at all. I then bf ds2 for around a year and would have continued if I could, but ended up with an infection and needing antibiotics that I was told I couldn't bf while taking :( I was actually really down for a long time after, because it was so sudden and I wasn't ready to stop.

Of the children I know who were allowed to breastfeed until they choose to stop, none have carried on past the age of 8. The two I know who feed for that long didn't have any special needs, and are more healthy and happy teenagers. Most stopped sometime between 3 and 6, with some outliers on each side. So I think that there is a pretty big range of "normal". It seems to be one of this things like staying dry at night, or sleeping without a comfort object where it's normal to do it young and normal to do it old, with most people falling somewhere in between.

Has anyone ever come across stats for % women who still feed at age 2? I've only ever seen figures for up to 12m.

I'm still feeding my son (albeit rather reluctantly) and he's 33 months. I don't tell anyone as I'm sure people would gasp when I told them.

13 months isn't that unusual though, so don't worry.

You get told to breastfeed at all costs, but when you want advice on weaning without hell breaking loose, nobody has any advice!

I fed DS until he turned 2. By that point he was on one BF feed a day and I was working full time. He never fed other than at home so no one knew that I didn't tell IYSWIM.

however I did have some strange reactions to it - from a GP when I asked if a medication was safe to take when BF'ing, from my MIL (also a doctor!) who asked if it didn't hurt now that he had a full set of teeth and also indirect comments from people who prob didn't realise I was still feeding.

It seems to be deemed weird after a certain point.

I do look at those folks on the internet feeding 5 year olds and older and think THEY're a bit weird so I guess we all just have an arbitrary cut off in our heads on when it is acceptable.

Sadly, with such low numbers even feeding to 6 months these days the arbitrary cut off for many is very young.

My MIL would be horrified if she knew that her precious grandchildren were breastfed until almost 3. Apparently it’s weird and disgusting and she implied that those who did were getting some sort of thrill and were being selfish! I also had a friend to whom I mentioned the fact I was still breastfeeding my then 2 year old. She asked a few questions and seemed genuinely interested in why I was doing it. Unfortunately, the next chance she got, she completely mortified me. We were talking with a couple of other mums and the subject of dummies came up. I said I had never managed to get DS interested in one and she just exclaimed ‘He doesn’t need one. He’s got bitty’. Cue much sniggering and wide eyed stares. That’s what you’re up against sometimes. Ignorance masquerading as humour. I never told anyone else after that unless I already knew it was normal to them. Because it is normal. I don’t want a medal for it - just not to be a figure of mockery and ridicule.

Oh and I can’t believe (or can I?) that it only took a couple of posts before some bored, sighing poster came along and complained about the subject being done to death. Jeez Louise, we don’t all spend all day reading every thread.

Nope and you won't get (UK) stats any more either because the Tories have cut the funding for the infant feeding surveys.

Clinky what a horrible woman! I'm glad you said you "had" a friend, she doesn't seem worth keeping around.

I don't mind the teeth comments. I think people are just genuinely unaware and sometimes curious/confused. I remember thinking you had to stop when they got teeth but I wasn't exactly sure when that might be. I think it was during antenatal classes it was pointed out that some babies are born with teeth and so I learned differently. No reason to feel judged on that one though, IMO - if you've only ever seen people breastfeeding little babies you wouldn't necessarily know.

Sorry about your sister Mamabear

Interesting thread. Until I became pregnant tbh my understanding of it was that you bf until 3 months or 6 months max and then switch to weaning + dairy and/or formula. This is what my mum / aunts all did. Researching it a bit more it seems like a good idea (if bf works) to carry on till 12 months.

But still wrapping my head around extended bfing. Just an innate reaction that it's icky once they can say a few words etc. Don't know why - and I don't also know any culture where it is the norm to see what it's like. As others have said I found the idea of someone bfing a 7 year old also "weird", although I accept this is an issue I need to address to figure out why I feel icky. But it's been interesting reading about others experiences!

I definitely felt similar Zaphod. I got into loads of AP forums etc before I had DS as well so I suddenly felt like I was "supposed" to breastfeed until three or something which made me go "Argh!" because I found it weird and I couldn't work out what was icky about it but it just was.

Lovely lady on an AP forum reassured me muchly that it is totally of course your own choice and if you feel uncomfortable then you can stop whenever you like. But also gently pointed out that feeding a newborn or small baby, when they are very dependent on milk and need feeding a lot all the time is a totally different experience and relationship and action to feeding a child over 1 or over 2, or whatever, and also, that it's not like you blink and one day you have a giant toddler attached to your breast, you're only ever feeding a baby who is just one day older than they were the day before. It doesn't actually feel strange because the transition is so slow for you as a parent. It looks strange as an outsider if you're not used to it, because you haven't witnessed this relationship develop from day one.

So I decided that I'd try and breastfeed for a year because they can have cow's milk then, but by the time I got there I realised that she was right and that DS didn't suddenly seem too big at 366 days old, so I decided just to carry on until it stopped working for him or it stopped working for me and so he stopped by himself in the end just when I was thinking maybe I'd try and encourage an ending.

FWIW I went along to a new branch of La Leche League when DS was 16 months old and I think he was one of the oldest babies there at the time. Nowadays I think of 16 months as being really little in breastfeeding terms! :) It's funny how our norms can change. I would recommend LLL if you have one locally if you want to see some breastfeeding toddlers and how normal it can be, they welcome pregnant ladies as well.

I know a breast fed 5 year old. In that scenario I think it is more about the mum, who is going through difficult times and it provides something she needs. Comfort maybe. I certainly found bf-ing my babies very comforting and bonding.

I wouldn't bf a 5 year old myself. Feels wrong.

I'm a bit like you Zaphod
Expecting our first in a few weeks and feel very strongly about BF him... in fact that is one of the things about being a mom that I am most looking forward to! But in my head, anything over 6 months is 'icky' as you say! I think I need to do some more research

I breastfed a 5 year old. When I was pregnant, I thought that 9 months seemed about the right length of time to breastfeed, but my DC had other ideas...
And lots of people around me breastfed for a long time, so it didn't feel weird just normal.

TBH, I wish people would butt out and not try to make clever armchair psychology statements like "I think it's because the mum wants to feel needed".

You can't win on those because if you say no, I hate breastfeeding my child, I wish he would stop then people say oh you must stop then! He's much too old anyway, he doesn't need it. And if you say oh no, I don't mind, it's quite nice, then people say see, it's all about you!

It's just quite rude and presumptive IMO. There isn't usually any sinister motive behind it. Just because you personally can't imagine carrying on for so long it does not mean that the mum is a doormat to their child's desires or has some kind of creepy ulterior goal.

IME it's a far more active decision to wean than it is to carry on, that's quite passive, it's just continuing the status quo. And older children don't breastfeed like newborns anyway, when DS weaned he was only having milk once every few days.

But ethelfreda the thing is you don’t just wake up one day bf a 5 year old. Every day you bf your child they are only one day older than the last time and that’s no time at all. What’s the difference between a 6 month old baby and a baby who is 6 months and 1 day for example?

I breastfeed on demand all my children, but all three of them, Just before 2 year old, my baby just go off it and BF routine starts to fade until it was easy to say “your big now 2year old don’t drink from mama boobies anymore”. They still want the cuddle up until 3.

www.breastfeeding-problems.com/9-years-old-and-still-breastfeeding.html

I'll just leave this feast of fucking madness here....

Some people can be ignorant and be negative about breastfeeding, the question where you breastfeed, how you breastfeed, for how long you breastfeed. But despite some people having issues about the breastfeeding scenario, I just continue to do whatever I believe is best for me and my baby, I don’t care whatever some people may give negative comments, it doesn’t bother me, I just feel sorry for their ignorance and lack of education concerning breastfeeding. I don’t get angry, annoyed or upset, I just pity the individuals who to vocal for their own good who sometimes may look or sound stupid when they’re trying to be smart.

Quite frankly some of the replies and possibly the OP on that weird site are probably fetishists, and have never breastfed an actual baby in their lives, let alone any nine year olds. At least you'd hope. But there is a specific tone to some of them in any case which bears no resemblance to any real parenting relationship.

Meh, that site and posters on it seem quite odd tbh. I was more interested in people's experience bfing till 24-36 months or so - will be interesting to see how I feel once baby is here.

Obviously bfing at 14 is strange in the extreme, and I'm actually less interested in intellectual explorations of what is "weird" rather than finding a method and extent that works for me tbh. Thanks to the ladies who shared their experiences above! Will look up an LLL near me too!

This issue seriously makes my blood boil.

I'm breastfeeding my 11 month old at the moment of writing. It makes her so happy! She feeds much less during the day as there are too many distractions but feeds to sleep all night long. I've had so many annoying comments and she's not even 1 year old yet!

• My FIL has commented on multiple occasions about how 'weird' it is to breastfeed a toddler.
• My DM kept going on and on about how I'd stop when her first teeth appeared because that's what she did with me. (I was mixed fed and was weaned when I was 9 months old.) Somehow I can tell she doesn't quite agree or finds it unnecessary at this stage.
• NCT mums (who formula feed) often ask me when I 'plan to stop'. (I'd never dream of asking them the same.)
• A friend/colleague made a huge fuss when I mentioned in passing I'd let DD decide when she wants to stop. She actually said it's disgusting if they can walk and talk. I've been keeping some distance since then and avoid talking about DD to her because this incidence still makes me so angry.

It's none of their f business. Why would I deny my child something that makes them happy, is recommended by WHO and for which there is strong scientific evidence that is good for them in order to give them highly processed milk of another raped animal instead?

I feel truly disappointed by friends and family (all highly 'educated' people). Thank god for DP who's incredibly supportive (and happy to hear my rants about it).

Lots of the posts on that site sound like they're written by the same person to me.

The same odd style in them.

I breastfed all 3 of mine until between 2 years and 2 1/2 years, when they all stopped (one I pushed a bit to stop as I was fed up). It was such a wonderful, comforting, and convenient thing to do, and I never had any negative comments.

I was also so completely convinced it was right for us that I would have ignored or laughed at a bit of tut-tutting, so might not even remember it. I think if you are completely open and confident about things which other people find a bit weird (in our case the extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping and some periods of HE) you don't get the negative comments. That is too bad because I would have enjoyed a few debates about my lentil-weaving tendencies, but the people who get openly criticised seem to be the people who are struggling or feeling insecure and in need of support.

Gosh, who cares what anyone else has to say?

Anyone who comments like that just sounds incredibly chippy - aren't they embarrassed not to be able to keep their opinions to themselves...?

I fed DC1 and DC2 to 13 and 16 months respectively so lot that late, but it was first thing in the morning and last thing at night by that time, so I didn't get any comments.

I have a good friend who is still regularly feeding her nearly two-year old, and she's so desperately apologetic every time she has to feed.

It's crazy that anyone should feel so bad about doing something so banal.

My dd is only list 4 months old and I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked when I intend to stop breastfeeding feeding! I'm guessing people either just ask because they are surprised that I have lasted so long (didn't manage it with other dc) or just for something to say (after the 'how much sleep are you getting? ' questions ) but i am finding it increasingly annoying as I have no idea when I intend to stop yet!