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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why there is so much negativity breastfeeding over 1s?

190 replies

rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:03

DS is still breastfed, he is 13 months so it is not often, just on waking, to go to bed and sometimes once in the day for a nap or if feeling poorly.

I didn't aim to breastfeed longterm and my initial goal was to atleast get to 6 months but it just worked for us and it is now a lovely comfort and I also enjoy it, I am the only one left amongst baby group friends but their babies (same age) have formula or cows milk in its place at the same times DS would have a feed. Everytime feeding is raised in conversation one will ask "when will you stop" "Does he still need breastmilk" "he will be too old soon". Hmm

I find this odd when it comes from mothers also still giving their babies milk and most give a bottle rather than a cup so they are doing practically the same but I would never dare ask if they are too old for milk or too old for a bottle.

My DM asks me regularly if he still needs to be breastfed and how "unnecessary" it is now and she is convinced it is why he is clingy (I'd say more because it has just been him and I since he was very young -single parent) and says it is bad for his teeth.

I don't understand the negativity, I know its a choice that some may not be comfortable with but if a child has cows or formula milk it isn't questioned its just dropped when the child is ready.

OP posts:
Original poster
rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:54

Catalpa That is awful Sad

I find it so bizzare that medically (any GP, HV etc) I am always praised for still BF DS, and told how great it is, how nutritious and full of antibodies etc.

Then to the general public it is suddenly frowned upon, I literally cannot see why anyone would find it disgusting, breastfeeding little babies seems well praised then as soon as they reach oneish it is taboo and wrong.

OP posts:
YouCantArgueWithStupid · 02/10/2017 20:59

DD stopped BFing @ just over 2. Pregnancy caused my milk to dry up otherwise she wouldn’t have stopped. We had lots of negative comments (even tho the only people that saw me feed her by then were GPs & DH. The ILs commented a few times but DH shut them down) I armed myself with the WHO info and just rolled that out in a rather bored fashion.

GoodLuckTime · 02/10/2017 21:20

I had similar op.

In general I find people are most critical of others choices when they feel bad about their own...

It's a bit like it being v taboo to criticise someone overweight (does happen but everyone agrees it's cruel) whereas criticising skinny people is fair game, because y'know theyre skinny, so fair game.

ecosln · 02/10/2017 21:27

@CatalpaTree- I have one in my garden.... Anyway bf. What a horrid horrid experience for u. I can't imagine how upsetting. Not a friend but upsetting mine the less - My childminder told me I was disgusting for bf 21mth old dc1.... needless to say that didn't end well!

I now bf dc3 - he is 3months. I am also feeding dc2 - who is 3 and tandom fed dc1&2 until dc1 was 3. (Bribed with a spaced rocket as it was exhausting)

As I grew in confidence as a mum I became more vocal if asked regarding my choices - there really is no argument against it so it just amuses me now those who would find it apt to voice disgust/ tell me it's wrong etc.

With dc2 I was very proud to announce at work I wasn't eating egg as still bf my 2year old... they tell us to "take our whole selves to work" so here I was announcing I was extended bf out and proud and Didn't give a damn. I surprised myself. BUT I kept the extended bf of dc1 under wraps as I wasn't sure enough to not to care about comments.

My mum is supportive now as she knows I am "different like that"

It's a journey. A very personal journey due to it not being the norm. Sad that it is but it shouldn't put anyone off.

I totally agree with OP that no one cares about bottles past x age!

Oh and after returning to work full time after dc1 and 2 were one, both had cows milk in a Cup when husband put to bed or indeed through the day when I was there.... so i had a life and was not putting myself out - so there goes that argument.

Itsnotmesothere · 02/10/2017 21:31

I always planned on breastfeeding for at least a year. Still feeding at 21 months, admittedly would love to stop soon. DC feeds a lot! I wonder if it's normal to love feeding so much at that age. Mostly positive comments, a couple of people have asked me when I think I'll stop. I would love to be stopped by two

seven201 · 02/10/2017 21:34

My dd naturally gave up breastfeeding at a little over 1. She was combination fed and just decided she preferred the bottle. I was planning on going on for as long as she wanted to, but I admit I'd have felt a bit awkward feeding a 1 1/2 year old in public (don't mind at all when younger). I think if I saw a 5+ year old being fed in public I'd be a bit surprised, but I'd never feel negative. My MIL used to always go on about how I'll stop when my dd got teeth. She was quite put out when I didn't!

lilyfire · 02/10/2017 21:43

I was feeding DS3 in a playground and he was probably around 20 months old, when another mother came up to me and said 'Are you English?' I said I was and she said that it was just that she didn't usually see English mums bf their toddlers. I don't know where she was from, but think it was a country in Asia. We had a nice chat.

I bf DS2 until he was a bit over 4, but only really told fellow extended feeders. He would just feed in the evening before bed.

Original poster
rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 21:48

Its just so sad its seen like that and that its something almost 'shameful' that lots of us hide it/avoid questions for fear of hurtful comments.

I also cant see any negative sides, as opposed to prolonged use of a bottle/dummy, it is specific milk for your own child full of goodness and backed by every health professional.

I wonder at what point and why it becomes "weird". I never found BF daunting when he was tiny and only had positive comments BF publicly or talking about it but as soon as he got a bit bigger its seen differently bu why if we are both happy and he is fed and soothed easily would we stop at 6 or 12 or whatever months.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 02/10/2017 21:49

Fed DC2 until she was 2y8m. Mainly just at night towards the end. Not in on public from about 18m onwards as she wasn't feeding from hunger by then.

Stopped as it was getting a bit painful. I was about 15w with DC3.

Never expected to be an extended breastfeeder as I didn't last long with DC1.

Uptheduffy · 02/10/2017 21:50

I fed dc2 till he was almost 4, when he chose to stop. But I didn’t talk about it. We did a lot of feeding in toilets in the last year or so! Not good.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 02/10/2017 21:54

Where to start. The sexualisation of breasts and the normalisation of formula to name a couple. Formula companies have done a cracking job of making it appear that formula is the next natural stage at six months. Before I had kids I just thought everyone switched to formula at six months, that people just didn’t or weren’t allowed to feed beyond that. It wasn’t until I did my research when I was pregnant.

I fed DD til she was 3, she decided to stop. BFing DS now, he’s 8 months. If I had £1 for every time someone said they’re too old, or it’s weird, or I’m doing it for me, I’d be a rich woman.

TBH people who think “it’s weird when they can ask for it” or “past 1 and it’s wrong”, I peg them as being a bit thick and their opinion isn’t worth jack to me.

Liskee · 02/10/2017 21:57

Ah just get on with it and stop worrying about what other people think ffs.

Original poster
rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 21:58

TBH people who think “it’s weird when they can ask for it” or “past 1 and it’s wrong”, I peg them as being a bit thick and their opinion isn’t worth jack to me.

Thats the point really that there is never any actual reasons behind it, you just get "its a bit weird" "too old" etc. but no actual backing or reasoning.

Its the same with "follow on milk" that they've pitched so all these mothers think they need to switch formula at 6 months, just so they can get around the guidelines for advertisement Angry

OP posts:
TaggieRR · 02/10/2017 21:59

That's interesting about the self-weaning. I wonder why it occurs before adult teeth comes in.

Ttbb · 02/10/2017 22:00

I've never had this. I fed DS1 until 1 1/2 and DS2 is still having it approaching 2. I have however had a earful (or rather multiple l) from my MIL for refusing my DS 1 a bottle at age 3 Hmm

KatnissMellark · 02/10/2017 22:00

I'm breastfeeding my boy who is just over six months old. Already had a few raised eyebrows and questions about my plans to stop- there is an assumption (in my experience!) that at six months I'll have wanted to switch to formula. We are under a dietician due to allergies and even she was surprised (but pleased!) that I was planning to continue.

KatnissMellark · 02/10/2017 22:01

Also heard comments from supposedly educated and open minded fellow mums that 'anything past one is just for the mother's benefit', 'you'll have to stop once he gets teeth', 'once they can ask for it,it's weird' Hmm

ConciseandNice · 02/10/2017 22:03

I'm on my fifth full-term bf baby. He's 2.5 years and yesterday we boobed on the train and nobody even looked at me in a bad way. I'm at the point of 'fuck 'em' if people want to be bigots and frankly are uneducated. I know what's best for my babies and the science is on my side. People are stupid and sometime they can't help it but that doesn't mean I have to give them the time of day.

Quodlibet · 02/10/2017 22:04

Because the UK is full of people with deeply fucked up conflicted ideas about bodies.

Because we live in a society that fetishises breasts as sexual eye-candy and taking them out of service for the purposes of BF for any length of time makes people Really Angry.

Because the DM et al love trolling their readership and holding women in public glare whilst simultaneously knocking them down as exhibitionist attention seeking whores for deigning to bare any flesh in public, and BF gives them another excuse to do this.

I could go on.

Bornfreebutinbiscuits · 02/10/2017 22:04

I don't know whether dd needed breast milk at three up to three when we stopped but my goodness it was her favourite thing in the world, she still occasionally looks longingly at them and says she misses them then tries to cuddle me. Sad she definitely misses that closeness.

ecosln · 02/10/2017 22:11

@Bornfreebutinbiscuits how did you wean? I am thinking it's time for dd3 to wean. Tandem feeding now making me irritable. Very torn.

It's an amazing thing formula companies have done- marketing something that's not needed to be marketed. Formula is wonderful "medicine" for those who need it. (Not going to discuss why it's needed - support/ education etc) My dc1 did and was weaned off. It doesn't need marketed as we would of course give our babies medicine.

Why they can get away with the subliminal advertising of follow on milk with the grey bf scenes etc.... no wonder people just figure it's wrong / not normal past x months!

ecosln · 02/10/2017 22:14

Concise and nice

Isn't it sad that it takes more than one dc before we say fuck you I don't care, I am doing my thinf and I own it.

No way I would have done it with dc1. Very few would.

Original poster
rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 22:15

That awful advert that starts with "breastfeeding is the best for your baby, but if you want to follow on you can with Aptamil follow on from 6 months..."

OP posts:
Iwillorderthefood · 02/10/2017 22:19

Still going no at 3years 4 months!

Lazybobcat · 02/10/2017 22:30

My mother has very negative views aswell, which is strange considering she breast fed me. After ds turned 1 most people I know so close friends and family say something if they see him feed.
Isn't he to old?
Shouldn't he be on cows milk?
Aren't you fed up of that?
He's got you wrapped around his little finger.
And on and on it goes I just ignore it now.