To say you've no choice?

[Fauxtatoes]

I need help Mumsnet.

DH has gotten a new job. It's an amazing opportunity for all of us, huge increase in salary and perks out the wazoo including private school for DD 16. This job will change all of our lives.

The issue is that DD is flat out refusing to move. She said she wants to stay where we are (really rural) despite us moving near a major city, with public transport, which would give her the independence and freedom she moans about not having.

I feel guilty about forcing her because she got very upset. Has anyone been through this and managed to change their minds? If she still refuses DH will have to go alone as this job is going to make him in his industry

I can't see where OP says she is emigrating. She says the new home is the other side of the country and that she is not living in the UK and her daughter hasn't started the exam cycle yet.
Op you are the parents and it is your responsibility to make important decisions. Your daughter is now getting "cold feet" after her initial enthusiasm and you need to find out more about your new home location to give her some positives about relocation. Jumping into a void, as it must seem to her is pretty daunting at her age.
I'm sure your relationship will not be damaged provided you continue to be caring and to listen to her concerns and try to reassure her. Admit it may take a little while to make new friends but that she'll have a new circle before you will. The other alternative, if you can afford it is to find a private boarding school in your current area and offer that as an alternative -- it's extremely unlikely she wants a life without her family and will choose to be with you.
Good luck

In the cases I saw, most of the young people stayed with GPs or other relatives, although one did go into Foster care as they didn't want to move with their parents.

My jaw actually dropped at some of these comments. Grow a spine? How awful. Because a teenager is settled in a school at a pivitol point of her education and doesn't want to move? I'd say she very much has a spine for not wanting to leave. It's not ok to just drag children to the car away from everything like that. Bloody heartless some of these comments. Don't move her.

Wow, can't believe some of the responses on here. She is nearly an adult, I moved out of home at 17 (nearly 30 years ago, so admittedly a different era!), but you can't 'drag' her as pp's have suggested, how ridiculous (I imagine many of the people who who think that don't yet have teenagers!).

Can she board in the area where you currently live if it is that important to her? Come next year she could get a flat on her own or a house share there if needs be? I wouldn't move her, if you can support two households then do so & you stay with her (travel between the two and make it work) until she reaches uni age? Hardly long to wait - she is surely only two years away from that? My mother is as self centred as some of the posters on this thread and trust me it doesn't bode well for the future if you put yourself first and disregard her feelings. A heart-wrenching decision, but only temporary - I hope you can make it work OP, good luck!

Thank you to everyone who answered. Myself and DH have read every reply and we're taking on board both sides. We need to discuss it before speaking with DD. I appreciate it MN.

Thinking back, my parents moved at the same point in my younger DB's education (elder DBro and I had already left school) - he boarded for 6th form, close to where he was at an 11-16 school previously. Is there a school with boarding close to where you already are?

Happypoobum we are in a slightly different situation to the OP as it's unlikely I would move full time because of the stages they are at in their education. We would also possibly be able to negotiate with a relative to live at ours.

But the principle of making the decision would be based on the whole rather than the parts.

grannytomine there would be negotiations on how to achieve the best for all. The benefits for them aren't necessarily tangible but the experiences will still have effects. Some might be negative (or at least feel like it at the time) but that doesn't mean they won't have positive outcomes overall.

It might have positive outcomes but if their education and qualifications are adversely effected it could damage their future quite severely. Is it worth the gamble? I don't know your children but I know I wouldn't' have done it to mine. The outcomes for you might be positive but I have children alot older than yours and I wouldn't want to feel I had damaged their education at that age. I think it is very different to moving younger children.