Aibu to pay the fine rather than send DD to school for a week her class are away?

[MardyMatilda]

Long story short but DD is meant to go away for a residential trip in Spring term consisting of 3 nights and 4 days.
She is year 3 and will be 7 1/2 by this point being born late July.
She is adament she doesn't want to go.
We have explained to her they will be doing lots of work up to and after the trip however she gets very upset and weve always agreed not to force it if she doesn't want to do it.
But I'm now wondering if it would actually be more beneficial for her to go away to the same destination, not the same site of course but so that she gets to see the location and can join in with class discussion on their return.
I know I'll be fined and as a single mum I'll also have to take younger DD out who by then will be in YR 1, so am I looking at £120, is it £60 per child per period or per day?
Any help massively appreciated.
We have the discussion evening tomorrow with the not at all friendly head and I'm dreading it.

How much is the trip , personally I'd pay for the trip and sign to say she is going and then decide nearer the time . If on the day she still says no ring in sick for the week . My dd went in a 4 day residential in yr 5 , she wanted to go but was always a bit funny sleeping away from home without us . We are in the SE , they went to Dorset they left on the Monday and I collected her because she was vomiting on the Tuesday lunch time . It's all a learning experience .

no child needs to go on a 3 night residential trip aged 7.

I do find that on this thread there is a lots of shock horror about going away on a trip aged 7.

As I have said before, it certainly doesn't suit every child and I would not be forcing a child who isn't ready,

BUT
all mine have done trips from age 7 onwards. brownies, school, PGL, grandparents etc.
They LOVED them, they couldn't wait to go, that had an absolute ball, and came back exhausted but very happy.
because, you know a trip away with a load of other kids is FUN!!

many children are ready and willing to do it, from year 2 actually and they jump at the opportunity.

I am against the OPs whole class trip for the very reason that not every child at this age is ready. But if they are ready, why on earth not?

It seems like a pointless cruelty to make children go away on a residential trip at that age. You're perfectly within your rights to refuse to send her. In your place, I'd send her to school anyway and she can just sit with another class - perhaps not much fun, but I'd hope that the teaching staff would make sure she didn't feel left out.

My ds is in year 3 and his class are on a residential trip right now, he couldn’t go as we couldn’t afford it. He’s been in year two for 3 days doing some of his work and helping the teacher with things for the year twos.

He’s upset he couldn’t go with his friends but he is in no way isolated! He sits with the year twos at lunch and he’s happy to be a big kid this week. I wouldn’t take him out of school for the week, I think it’s ridiculous

Steppemum - my key word was "needs". I am neither shocked nor horrified at the idea of a school residential trip aged 7 and would do my best encourage to my child but not to pressurise or override their feelings if they were certain they didn't want to join in and understood what the alternative would entail. In Year 6 I'd probably apply more pressure as I agree it's generally a good opportunity to gain some independence prior to starting secondary school. But I wouldn't judge parents who opt out.
A trip to their grandparents isn't the same thing in my mind although we don't have grandparents fit and well enough to accommodate mine!

I'd make her go tbh. Not a popular opinion but I feel that it will help her social skills and make her more independent/outgoing. I remember going on may overnight trips as a kid with school and it gave my mum a chance to get a rest tbh (she was also a single mum). Keep the money and save it for a nice gift for your daughter for being brave and going away for when she gets back. All of these activities usually teach children something and improve their life skills. In my opinion we need to stop mollycoddling them and let them get on with life.

There are girls all over the world who don't even get the opportunity to get schooling let alone school trips. Just something to consider. Hope my comments don't offend!

Why do children need to be independent at the age of 7?

Nottodaybillyray,
I would be mortified with the school for not funding your sons place.
It's taking time within the school week, he wanted to go but financial situation didn't allow it? Just another reason why it's so wrong to do these trips.
Let parents take their kids away!
DD has never wanted to join brownies although does lots of other clubs without me present.
I won't be sending her in to have to just sit in another class with a sheet of work.
I can do that work at home with her.
The payment is to be made by the Friday before October half term so less than a month away.
No part payment either and is £300 so certainly won't be paying that on the off chance she might ( she won't ) change her mind

My youngest (yr 5) is a homebird. Even when he's at his dad's (we are not together) he struggles after a few days.
He is going away next May, when he will be 10, on a school residential. He didn't want to go until the last minute for me to pay the deposit. I wouldn't be suprised that he decides not to go nearer the time. That will be fine. I would never make him go.
7 is a young age to be away. Some kids would love the opportunity and some wouldn't. It's not a competition about whose child is best, it's about responding to your child's needs at the time.
On the other hand my eldest who was a July baby wanted to go to everything. As he has additional needs, it was me who was v anxious about him going!! Different personalities mean I respond differently to my children. I hope that they feel secure that I respect their decisions.

My experience is that usually the children staying behind have a lovely time and the teachers do their best to make them feel special. in fact in dd1's year one child chose to stay behind after one of the previous year told them what they'd done.

I wouldn't go away for a couple of reasons. Firstly I suspect to the school it'll look like you're saying you'll take the opportunity to take a sneaky holiday.
Secondly your dc may well think that's their choice: either go away with the school or have a family holiday, and it's not going to encourage them to want to go away with the school.

It is your choice, but I've known a number of children who are very nervous and not wanting to go, who have gone and loved it. I can only think of one child (and that was a Brownie camp) who really was unhappy when they went.

Please don't follow the suggestions that you 'force' her to go. I'm sure that you won't, but anyone who suggests that has clearly never had a highly attached/unconfident child.

No, she doesn't need counselling for 'attachment issues' whoever suggested that. She needs to be enabled to become independent at, as far as possible, a pace that suits her.

My dd would have been exactly the same at 7 years OP. Including that there would be no way that she would change her mind. It was still touch and go as to whether she'd stay at an activity without me at that age.

The school need to be thinking about how they can ensure that your dd can be involved in some way with the pre and post work around this trip, and how they can meet her educational and social needs tbh.

I'm very surprised that your dd is the only child not going.

My dd is now in Y6 and can't wait for the 4 night residential in a couple of months. A good quarter or more of the children from the year aren't going, for a variety of reasons.

But do keep her off and call in sick. A temperature on day 1, vomiting on day 2 meaning that she needs to be off for day 3 and 4 should do it.

Please do not keep her off school.

As I have said in all my posts, it is not appropriate to send a child on a trip if they are not ready, and your dd is obviously not ready.

But this is a school day.
Why do you think she will be stuck sitting in a corner with a worksheet?
I do not know any class where that would be the case.
In most case like this, the child goes into a younger class and becomes the Big Girl for the few days, helping teacher, playing with younger ones etc. It is a really nice confidence building thing to do and should not be seen as negative.

OP (who actually knows the school in question) doesn't have the same confidence in it as you do steppemum.

She also knows her own dd best.

chritina - not anywhere in any of OPs posts does she say what the school will do with her dd when the others are away. She is ASSUMING she will be stuck in the corner of another class with a worksheet.

That may have happened when she was a child, but unlikely in this day and age.

Not sure if your dig about her knowing her own dd best is to me? In every post I have supported her in that and what she has said about her not beign ready

Meetings over so I can answer some of your questions now
She would be in another class, probably the one below who she has no friends in
She would be set work to get on with and probably be very lovely at break and lunchtime.
Those advising me to call in sick - this won't work as the full payment needs to be paid in a few weeks.
If I don't pay and say she isn't going; surely it's going to be pretty obvious that I've just decided to keep her off when suddenly she's " sick " that week.
I guess it's a better option to keep her off but not take the youngest out but I still think they'll fine me judging by the heads reaction this evening.

I certainly wouldn't force her. I find it very rigid of the school that they won't let her join in on a daily basis at the location, returning to a hotel but can understand it if there are other children struggling with being away without their family.

I also don't find it weird that you'd use the week to visit the same place, I think it will help her feel more integrated when the class come back and are talking about their experience. I find it a very nice idea. What a kind mum you are!

And no, I wouldn't send her to school that week. Keep her off, pay the fine, and have a great time.

From everything you said you know I wouldn't send her. She's only 7. Both my kids are homebodies 1 did go on the trip in year 6 and enjoyed it but hasn't wanted to go on any more. My other kid didn't for health reasons and was fine, went into classes enjoyed it as was different to the normal and breaktimes were fine as joined in with the other kids, made new friends with the year below. For those parents sending their kids even though they are upset and anxious, it seems wrong to me. Good on you for doing what's best for your child.

My sons school went on a 3 night/4 days residential trip when he had just turned 7, his first year in that school.
Some kids did not want to go due to varoius reasons. Loads of pressure from teachers and head
"he will miss out",
"bonding oppportunity",
"growth of confidence",
everything was trotted out.
In the end, ALL the parents with kids who did not want to go caved and the kids were made/convinced to go.
I did not put pressure on my son. He stayed adamant he did not want to go. Since ALL the other kids and ALL the teachers went, he would have had to go to a different school for the 4 days. A school which shares a yard and some facilities with hos school and there is kind of a rivalry between the kids, the oder one from that school mocking the younger ones from his, etc.
I told the head that NO WAY would I sit im in that school.
I decided to take him for a mini-vacation, so he could have a great time and have something to tell his friends about on monday when they would all be talking about the trip.
Turns out nobody talked about the trip on monday, they had a great time, he had a great time, his friends are still his friends, he still gets invited for playdates and partys, so really, no harm done in him missing the trip.
Honestly, in my opinion there really is no need for all the angst about residentials. If your kid wants to go, great. If it kind of wants to go but is a litle scared, encourage it kindly. If it does not want to go, just let it stay at home. No harm done.

Some little ones just aren't ready to stay away from home. There's no need to force them. They aren't WW2 evacuees. Being in a different class sounds less frightening for her than the residential. Perhaps present her with that choice. Sit in with younger class or residential. Don't feel you have to crowbar something alternative and elaborate. Growing up is all about having to make choices like these. She doesn't have to do the difficult thing but the consequence is she'll have to do the boring thing.

Yes it will be very obvious that she's probably not sick that week.

Bit realistically, what is the school going to do? They'd rather a child was marked down as sick rather than unauthorised absence if you don't communicate at all

I think I would just prefer to be honest and keep her home
I take it I'll have no idea if I'll be fined until it actually comes to it?
It's tempting to take them both out and have a family holiday but perhaps this doesn't demonstrate my point well

Our school only charges from day 5. £60 per child per week, per parent.

Family matters more than any institution

Why don't you discuss / negotiate the accommodation for her at school during that week so you can be satisfied it meets her needs?