To want to bedshare with my 3 week old?

[Lightsoutandawaywego]

Posted this in sleep, but also here for traffic...

My DD is 3 weeks old and is currently sleeping in a Moses basket next to our bed. DH has gone back to work this week after paternity leave so is spending weeknights sleeping in the spare bedroom (he has the sort of job that would be dangerous if he was overtired so we agreed that I would take care of the baby at night during the week and he would join us back in the bedroom at weekends until DD can sleep for longer periods).

DD wakes up every 2 hours for a bottle (she’s ff) and struggles to get back to sleep after that, so I feel like I’m awake almost all night with her. Sometimes I place her next to me on top of the duvet (the duvet is pulled up high on the bed and tucked in, so there’s no risk that she’ll suffocate) and she sleeps much better, until i then move her to the Moses basket and then she wakes up. I’m considering bed-sharing whilst DH isn’t in the bed, but im so scared that something will happen to her cos there’s a lot of info online about bedsharing and SIDS. For info, I don’t smoke, drink or take drugs, and im a light sleeper (I also sleep with the bedside light on so I can keep checking on her throughout the night), so I feel like I’m probably in a good position to bedshare.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to do this safely? There’s so much conflicting advice online that I don’t know what to believe. TIA x

https://www.isisonline.org.uk/wherebabiesssleep/parentsbed/

I didn't until about 3/4 months but wish I did.

Get rid of duvet etc (warm pjs blanket on bottom half) I kind of laid in a c shape with the arm underneath extended and baby laying with head just unethical that arm. Meant we were close but my full body weight was more than a roll over away.

Look up how to co sleep safely. Other people will probably say don't do it. I had a very supportive midwife and a baby that did not sleep in her Moses basket. I would not lay her on the duvet tho. I had the Duvet way down the bed just covering my legs. I wore long sleeves so I wasn't cold and had baby next to me. As you say no drinking or smoking as they are the big risk factors.

You off to a good start by not being a smoker etc.

The evidence isn't there, once the risks are removed. The evidence shows that the baby's breathing is more efficient when sleeping by a Carer.

Overheating is a danger, I (and now my DD) used to have the quilt on ourselves, but layered blankets on the baby.

Suffocation is another, so remove, or rearrange things, if there is a danger of the baby slipping and being trapped etc.

You know how you sleep, I'm a still sleeper and some Mums become very instinctive of were the baby is in the bed etc.

Another danger is you being exhausted, that's when they say put them somewhere else to sleep, until you are more rested.

I'm part Native American, co-sleeping was just what we did. I personally think it's strange to wonder why a baby won't sleep alone.

Reading what you've written, I don't think that there is a risk.

I slept in a dressing gown with a sheet over my feet and the baby was swaddled, on the other side if double bed, noduvet required. I think it's a decision that's ok to make once you have weighed up the pros and cons.
After 5/6 weeks baby was back in Moses basket.

My DD just wouldn't sleep unless touching me.
All good suggestions above.
I slept on my side with bottom arm out in front so I knew I couldn't roll on her.
She's 15 now and I still sometimes miss it.

Go for it. Please don't play that "wait til they're asleep, move to basket, wait for crying, begin again" game. Absolutely no reason why you need to be awake all night with the baby.

Pull your quilt way down so it's no higher than waist height. Wear a hoody/dressing gown to keep warm. Swaddle the baby. Then enjoy the sleep that you need now more than ever.

The problem I see if that the nights dh is in spare bedroom your baby will get used to you /co sleeping /being there

So what will happen fri sat night if put in Moses basket / will she create big time? When dh back in room with you

Have you tried swsddling? So that baby feels snug and secure?

Read the Durham ISIS report on bedsharing before you go ahead. If baby is ff, then you shouldn’t bedshare.

We struggled for the first few months with DS1 before finally accepting that my wife and he would co-sleep. Things have been much easier with DS2 as we didn't even kid ourselves that they would sleep apart. You do have to be careful though... no bed clothes, alcohol, prescription meds that might contribute to tiredness, etc.

I'd get a bedside cot. I wish I had, ended up bed sharing anyway. Just do what gets you the most sleep, safely of course (she shouldn't be sleeping on a duvet)

Disagree that FF means you can't cosleep.

Cailisto - why does it make a difference if baby is ff?

Because you don't bond with baby chemically or hormonally quite as much which means you and baby aren't in sync . For example if you bf and bedshare the bond is so strong that if baby wakes up hungry or just moves so much as a finger, then you being so linked also wake to see to baby.
Plus FF babies sleep deeper which is a cot death risk because they are over full wheras bf can't get into that deep a sleep as they wake hungry before they can

www.isisonline.org.uk/hcp/where_babies_sleep/parents_bed/how_parents_bedshare/bedsharing_and_nonbreastfeeders/

That's not true surely??

Do it, but do it safely. Don't cut any corners - get rid of the duvet, make sure she can't fall out, make sure there are no gaps between the mattress and the bed frame anywhere. A bedguard or bedside cot is a much, much safer way of keeping her from the edge than pillows - don't surround her with pillows. Don't wait until you are absolutely exhausted if you are going to do it.

Also if you do co-sleep and you decide to keep co-sleeping when your DH is in the bed remember that the baby never goes between you - always next to you only.

Try a cosleeper cot rather than having her in the bed with you, as there is evidence that bottle-fed babies are at slightly higher risks from bed-sharing than breastfed babies are.

I co slept with all 4 of ours and 3 were breastfed. I gave up with DC3 early as it was making us both utterly miserable and I still had 2 other kids to look after. I don’t believed that there was any difference, at all, in my ability to wake up for DC3. That just reads as another way to make parents feel bad about themselves.

I have a 6 week old baby and for the last two weeks we have probably ended up co-sleeping every other night and we do get more sleep that way. I always thought I would never co-sleep with such a young baby but if done safely it can be a blessing.

we co-slept with our babies, we had a tetra snuggle bed that we placed between us, really good little bed and it helps regulate their temps, but i have seen on face book a mum made a co-sleeper using pool noodles and a pillow case which looks quite good, so might be an option.
www.google.co.nz/search?q=tetra+snuggle+bed&client=firefox-b&dcr=0&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiY6fropcnWAhVLXbwKHb4fC98Q_AUICigB&biw=1515&bih=933 and
www.google.co.nz/search?q=pool+noodle+co-sleeper&client=firefox-b&dcr=0&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi_6JTapcnWAhUIu7wKHWDLC1MQsAQIJg&biw=1515&bih=933

Because you don't bond with baby chemically or hormonally quite as much which means you and baby aren't in sync . For example if you bf and bedshare the bond is so strong that if baby wakes up hungry or just moves so much as a finger, then you being so linked also wake to see to baby.

What a load of rubbish.

I'm in sync with and well bonded with my baby thanks very much.

OP ignore all that crap and do what gets you most sleep, providing there is no risks there it will be fine. So things to consider like no duvet or pillows anywhere near baby, no drinking or smoking, plenty of space between you and the baby, lie yourself in a way you can't roll over.

I personally would try a co sleeper cot or a sleepyhead type thing first just so it doesn't get complicated at weekends if the baby starts to refuse the basket full stop.

It's recommended that you don't swaddle

goo.gl/images/ZLc5UZ

Is the advice not to co sleep at all now? When I had DD almost 6 years ago I'm pretty sure the advice was that once the safe sleeping guidelines were followed it was just as safe, if not safer, than putting them in a cot.

From the minute she was born DD would not sleep away from me (and she still won't if she has the opportunity tbh! ) so I didn't have much choice. I would certainly do it again if I had another child. It's normal to do so in most other cultures

This chap is one of the worlds leading researchers on infant sleep. Here's what he has to say about cosleeping and FF....

cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/#Q7

Generally though, cosleeping and bed sharing is biologically normal for human infants

neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/

What is all this "in sync" with the baby nonsense stuff?!

My ten week old sleeps in a Moses basket. She wakes up and moans when she's hungry. I feed her.

Am i "in sync"??