To want to bedshare with my 3 week old?

[Lightsoutandawaywego]

Posted this in sleep, but also here for traffic...

My DD is 3 weeks old and is currently sleeping in a Moses basket next to our bed. DH has gone back to work this week after paternity leave so is spending weeknights sleeping in the spare bedroom (he has the sort of job that would be dangerous if he was overtired so we agreed that I would take care of the baby at night during the week and he would join us back in the bedroom at weekends until DD can sleep for longer periods).

DD wakes up every 2 hours for a bottle (she’s ff) and struggles to get back to sleep after that, so I feel like I’m awake almost all night with her. Sometimes I place her next to me on top of the duvet (the duvet is pulled up high on the bed and tucked in, so there’s no risk that she’ll suffocate) and she sleeps much better, until i then move her to the Moses basket and then she wakes up. I’m considering bed-sharing whilst DH isn’t in the bed, but im so scared that something will happen to her cos there’s a lot of info online about bedsharing and SIDS. For info, I don’t smoke, drink or take drugs, and im a light sleeper (I also sleep with the bedside light on so I can keep checking on her throughout the night), so I feel like I’m probably in a good position to bedshare.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to do this safely? There’s so much conflicting advice online that I don’t know what to believe. TIA x

Very reassuring leaflet endorsed by UNICEF, lullaby trust and isis

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals-2.pdf

Emily it's not nonsense, it's supported by decades of scientific research (see first link)

Jesus Christ don't use a pool noodle!!!!!!!! Cosleeping cots/matresses and sleep pods are specifically designed to minimize the risks of suffocation and overheating... the fabric they use is breathable etc in case baby ends up face down and they have to conform to safety standards

Agree with using a cosleeping cot attached to your bed - so baby has own separate surface but right next to you. Plan to cosleep and actively take steps to minimize the risks

That detailed Q&A i linked to has some good advice about setting up safe cosleeping environments if you scroll through it

I would buy a Sleepyhead and go for it.

We coslept with our 3 kids up until they were toddlers. For newborns you can get a kind of three sided padded box with fitted sheet and we would just slide them up so they were between on heads. With pjs or in a warm room they do not need any coverings. Never had any problems.

This thread is everything that winds me up about MN. A serious and potentially life-threatening exercise is being debated, and because some people, very correctly, are pointing out that when it comes to co-sleeping there are differences between a ff & bf baby, others are doing the "never did my baby any harm", "it's just something else to beat us up about" etc. The binding thing doesn't mean love; it is just fact that when bf the rythmns of mom & baby are more in tune-it's a very subtle thing and refers to physiology. There's no need for defensiveness, it's not a dig at ff (but equally it's not to be denied-there are many differences between the two methods of feeding, otherwise it would simply be a Pepsi/coke pure choice decision, which it is not).

Armchair experts wading in and egging on a tired mother to do something that (very fortunately) worked well for them but could end tragically if not researched properly. I see the same with things like drinking/smoking in pregnancy, early weaning etc; other moms for whom it has been 'successful' stating that the experts don't know what they're on about as it worked for them so should work for others. As though the medical profession have an agenda that is just designed deliberately to make things harder, and a mothers instinct is always right, even in the face of medical research.

On this one, OP, I urge you to consult Google/medical research rather than the MN jury. This is not an either/or, everyone's opinion counts thing. This shouldn't be something you consider based on popular opinion, it needs to be done right (I co-slept but wouldn't have done if ff. SIDS is higher for a reason, babies who are ff have different Rythmns). If there is even a minute chance of it going wrong, which there is, surely you should look into it properly rather than do a quick straw poll?

The First Years Close and Secure infant sleeper is the closest thing I can find on-line to what we used. It was called a baby nest and I meant to say fitted mattress not sheet!

Most people know to never cosleep if you are ill, drunk or taking drugs or over tired. Keep everything soft such as duvets, pillows, soft toys away from the baby. A baby nest or box which is placed above your head and everything soft on the bed will keep the baby protected if you are sensible.

Personally not for me. I'd be too scared something would happen and I do wonder how couples that do this go on when they want to be just a couple iykwim! I'm no expert on the bf vs ff bond debate but I'm not insulted! I choose to ff and me and the kids are bonded lovely emotionally as are dh and kids. I couldn't tell you the science aspect however and being in sync. Maybe they are? You are sharing much more of yourself than I'm prepared to I suppose!!

By above your head I mean at the top of the bed by the headboard.

Sibling, cots and cribs can be just as dangerous if not used correctly.

Babies should always be placed on their backs to sleep with nothing soft nearby.

I used one of these. Safe cosleeping is much safer than exhausted falling asleep together on sofa etc.

babydelight.com/product/snuggle-nest-surround-xl-silver-clouds/

We did a mixture of both. We had a snuzpod which was brilliant and used to warm the sheets with a hot water bottle before putting our dd in which worked well for us. If she didn’t settle then I would put her in bed next to me.

As others have said, make sure you’re wearing warm pjs and the duvet is nowhere near the baby.

Ultimately you need to do whatever it is that will give you the most sleep. Looking after a newborn is hard work and a massive life change. It passes quickly tho xx

I cosleep with my twins and have done for 6 months. I couldn't cope without it.

Loads of great advice here about safely cosleeping. Just going to add, we coslept by choice with ds in the first month, he settled on his own just fine, but after a difficult delivery and long hospital stay I needed it emotionally.

I wouldn't change it for anything, those precious early weeks and lovely snuggles were amazing. He slept through from four weeks despite being breastfed and from six weeks slept exclusively in his basket. I always put this down to cosleeping allowing him to feel secure while sleeping.

You've lasted considerably longer than I did. I got to the second night and realised that I could either stay up all night in shifts with DH or co sleep. And I formula feed. The risks are tiny. Remember even a doubling of a tiny risk is tiny. (I can't remember what the true figures are and too tired to google).

Cosleeping is great.

However agree that it is important to pay attention to leading researchers who say there are more risks when ff.

How about a side cot? This would allow very close proximity and touching, while providing a safe separate surface, it might also ease the transition of your husband back in at the weekend.

Saying BF and FF sleeping habits differ isn't a criticism, just scientific fact that helps us think about how to keep safe.

It is nonsense to say that an increased risk for co sleeping with FF babies is anything to do with bonding or chemicals or anything else as we simply don't know. The statistics show higher risk for formula fed babies, they don't tell us why that is.

It could be because of some chemical bond or it could be simply because SIDS figures are lower for breastfed babies wherever they sleep.

Personally I think it's highly likely that breastfeeding mums naturally tend to behave differently as they'll be co sleeping in order to facilitate feeding, meaning the baby will naturally be in a side sleeping position at mums chest level, mum in a side sleeping c shape protective position with no extra coverings,just a blanket. Whereas bottle feeding parents are more likely to choose sleeping positions which are less safe such as baby on top of the covers, between adult pillows or at adult head height, with swaddling or sleeping bags or other coverings designed for use when sleeping alone, using sleep positioned products or other products sold as co sleeping safety devices, which can ironically be less safe.

The point is that we don't know but this is one risk factor among several and risky behaviours are likely to play a part. I think if you follow safe co sleeping guidelines properly and don't smoke I personally would be okay with cosleeping when formula feeding.

I co slept with my FF baby from 3 days old to 18 months. It was wonderful! And we were very in sync.

There is some advice on this thread already which contradicts best practice. And I know it will have come in good faith, but this is why co sleeping is more risky because there are more things to go wrong.

The only safe co sleeping accessory is a sidecar cot. None of those three sided box things. If you feel that you need something like that to prevent rolling on your baby, put them in a separate sleeping space.

Wow, lots of mixed opinions here. I just want to make sure I’m being as safe as possible, so as long as the duvet and pillows are kept far away from DD and that she’s got plenty of space and not near anything that could suffocate her I think we should be ok to bedshare. I don’t want to do anything that will put her safety at risk, but on the other hand I think I would enjoy having her closer at night (being in a Moses basket next to the bed just doesn’t feel close enough!) and also might allow me to get a bit more sleep.

Get a full size cot ( any cot ) take the side off and lash it to your bed With bungees. Pool noodle in the gap between the cot and bed.

Siblingrevelry I couldn't agree more. It's fucking indefensible to get defensive about bf v ff when it puts a newborn baby at risk. Take your moral outrage to a bf v ff thread, not a cosleeping one. I couldn't give a shit how you feed your baby, but in the face of science, with a mother who is debating safely cosleeping, this is just massively irresponsible.

This thread shows why there is so much confusion about infant sleep. I clarify I coslept with my ff baby from 6 months. My bf baby from birth.

ISIS is a reliable scientific site with no bias either way. Ff and cosleeping does increase the risk of sids compared to bf and cosleeping but you may be comfortable with the risk if it means you don't crash the car through sleep deprivation.

I was far far more tired with my ff baby and wouldn't have been as safe. Nothing to do with 'bonding' which is such a crappy way of explaining the differences designed to make people feel guilty about feeding. Just to be clear, I was equally bonded and love both my babies. If anything I was far more protective of my ff baby for various reasons. But my hormones from bf have impacted on how I sleep and how my baby sleeps making earlier cosleeping safer.

But making sure that you follow the safe sleep 7 as far as you can will help mitigate the risks. It is not clear that part of the reason that ff babies are at higher risk of sids is they are more likely to sleep at pillow height rather than boob height, mums facing away from them, with Dad etc.