To want to bedshare with my 3 week old?

[Lightsoutandawaywego]

Posted this in sleep, but also here for traffic...

My DD is 3 weeks old and is currently sleeping in a Moses basket next to our bed. DH has gone back to work this week after paternity leave so is spending weeknights sleeping in the spare bedroom (he has the sort of job that would be dangerous if he was overtired so we agreed that I would take care of the baby at night during the week and he would join us back in the bedroom at weekends until DD can sleep for longer periods).

DD wakes up every 2 hours for a bottle (she’s ff) and struggles to get back to sleep after that, so I feel like I’m awake almost all night with her. Sometimes I place her next to me on top of the duvet (the duvet is pulled up high on the bed and tucked in, so there’s no risk that she’ll suffocate) and she sleeps much better, until i then move her to the Moses basket and then she wakes up. I’m considering bed-sharing whilst DH isn’t in the bed, but im so scared that something will happen to her cos there’s a lot of info online about bedsharing and SIDS. For info, I don’t smoke, drink or take drugs, and im a light sleeper (I also sleep with the bedside light on so I can keep checking on her throughout the night), so I feel like I’m probably in a good position to bedshare.

Can anyone give me some tips on how to do this safely? There’s so much conflicting advice online that I don’t know what to believe. TIA x

There is tons of evidence about co sleeping with bf compared to FF and it can't be denied, because the fact I'd FF and bf babies are different, and the chemical bond is different so no need to be all rude and defensive.
For example a bf baby cries and the mother often experiences a automatic let down as though your body knows that they are hungry. FF you don't get that because you don't have the whole chemical milk making thing going on.
Then from what I understand as you co sleep Because said baby is bf they are closer to you, mainly attached all night and you sleep in such a way you simply cannot roll over or move. There us more of a protective instinct

Don't believe me look on YouTube. I've seen some fascinating videos from child experts.

I think the use of "stronger bond" is what got people's backs up. Because that is obviously rubbish.

Different hormones, different positions, maybe, but not a stronger bond. and as Bertie said up thread, ff babies have a higher risk of sids anyway.

Also never end an argument with "don't believe me look on YouTube"

'Don't believe me look on YouTube.'

I co slept with all three of my babies, because to be frank, if I didn't then no one slept.

I would say don't have a light on in the room though. Have a plug in night light if you really need it.

not read thread but co sleeping cot - arms reach was best thing we ever brought baby related! If you value sleep, the relief that she was safe next to me but unable to come to harm was immense.

I was really uptight with my first but by the time 2nd came along this was the only way I could function.
It's fine, honestly. Breastfeed baby to sleep. They are one side. You on the other. DH elsewhere.
Hook the covers around your legs so no chance they can go near baby.
Something to stop baby falling our even though they don't move when they're tiny. The start rolling when quite young though so you don't want to take any chances there. Make sure there's no crevasses eg between bed and wall that baby can roll down.

Most of the world co-sleeps. Fact. Cots are a very recent, western invention.
Baby will sleep in his/her own cot in time, no bother.
Concentrate on getting them sleeping in their own space for the first part of the night at least.

Well I have seen some fascinating videos on the subject and fyi there is some videos on there that everybody should watch. There is tutorials of what to do if your baby is choking, about how to help them along in the crawling department if that's your thing . How to baby massage for colic or stressed babies. There is some truly educational videos on there. Take a look for yourselves.

i co-slept from about day 8 - i wasn't planning to but thats all it took before i gave in, as putting her down in the cot woke her up, she cried, repeat all night!

She is formula fed. my judgement for carrying on co sleeping included that I would not drink when doing this. (no drugs or smoking anyway). she has a sleepsuit on instead of blankets. i have the duvet up to my waist and draped over the floor on the other side of me away from her. i keep her on the side nearest the wall and give her plenty of space in the middle of the bed away from everything, nothing near her. I have a slither of space

this is what worked for me and we both got a lot more sleep.

Just read that she's ff.
Don't think that makes a significant difference at all.
I do believe however that it's not something you want to ask the mumsnet jury about however. Read up about safe co-sleeping and make your own judgement.

Oh and the saviour white noise videos. God they really are a blessing lol. My son loved the womb sounds video though it did sound very creepy to me , but it worked

With my 1st 3 I BF up to between 15months and 2 years. Baby no4 is bottle fed. I completely understand about the 'bonding' and being in sync sleeping. I slept like a completely different person. It was almost like my boobs were an alarm and always woke me up with that strange pre feed tingle. With ff no4 I in no way love her or am bonded with her any less but at a basic physiological level I was more 'in sync' with the bf babies. I wouldn't bring the ff baby into my bed to co sleep as the differences are very noticable to me. Maybe because I have done both and seen and felt the difference for myself, I dont feel the need to get worked up or feel judged or brush it off as rubbish. Its not, its just basic biology. Thankfully all good sleepers (so far)

We co-slept from newborn (breastfed until 2 1/2) and she's 4 now and will not leave our bed.. Do I regret it? No!

I wish I'd done it with DS! He was ff but a very good sleeper so it was never needed. Whereas DD was a pain in the bum! I used to fall asleep with her on the boob, which is how it started.

I have always loved waking up to her next to me. We pushed our bed against the wall and I slept in between her and DH. He has turned into a very light sleeper since she's been in the bed.

I would be more likely to get a next-to-me. They have them reduced on Very at the moment.

I'm currently pregnant with our third, so need to get DD out of our bed. I will be breastfeeding and I'd love to cosleep but I'm going to try avoid it as much as possible because I have the other two children to get ready in the morning so I'd like to be able to leave baby somewhere safe while it's asleep.

DD wakes up sometimes and will give me a kiss and snuggle up. I just love it. She is so cuddly and warm. She moulds into me so it doesn't bother me that she's there.

Like pps have said, the evidence shows that there is more risk if ff. Have a good read, there is lots of studies out there and information that explains why bedsharing is safer if you breastfeed.

The evidence shows that mothers and babies who breastfeed do sleep differently to those that formula feed. It's not a criticism of formula, just a fact that there is a difference.

Its one of the increased risk factors, same as smoking/drinking/using a soft mattress/using pillows and quilts.

Maybe a co-sleeper cot rather than a Moses basket would help.

We coslept with our eldest. My husband and I had a thin pillow each, the quilt came off the bed and we wore warm nightclothes. The reality ended up being my husband and I clinging to the opposite edges of a queen size mattress while the PFB had the rest of the bed to himself. Not really restful for us but the alternative was us taking turn walking the floor with him screaming for hours as he was one of those children who could not be put down.

Years later during a conversation about babies and sleeping I was told that cosleeping was child abuse and we should have had our child taken away from us, so it's something people feel strongly about!

I completely agree with doing what works for you. I fell asleep with newborn DD in bed with me many times. My midwife always told me that mums have that sense in them that means they won't fully go to sleep, will always be aware of the baby and are a lot less likely to harm baby than dads are that DONT have that sense. I completely agree, I was always wide awake at the slightest sniffle from her, her dad could sleep through her screams so I would not trust him to sleep with her.
The only thing I urge you to consider is, like I said that mums don't fully sleep, will you be able to get a decent nights sleep with baby in with you? If you're just dozing off as you can't sleep fully with her next to you will that not leave you very run down?
Also, if your OH plans on coming back into your room when DD is a bit older will this be made difficult by her being in the habit of sleeping with you? I think, whatever you do baby will get used to..and I think it may be easier for all of you if she's used to sleeping in her Moses basket. Like I said though, whatever works for you

I wouldnt recommend it however i had both my boys sleep in our bed from the day they was born till about 2 as they just would not sleep and i needed sleep. I am a light sleeper so soon as they stirred i was awake everytime so aslong as you trust yourself not to squash them etc its whatever works for you

Bertie if the boxes mentioned were unsafe they would not be on the market.

That's simply not true. Look at cot bumpers, we know they are unsafe yet they are still for sale.

The word 'bond' is misleading. It is a loaded word which implies love.

I think it's more accurate to say there are differences in e physiological processes/arpusal and biological rhythms between BF and FF mother-infant pairs

Excuse typos

The increased risks with a ff baby amount to 2 thing-

1. apparently ff parents are ore likely to put the baby at head level than chest level, so nearer pillows etc. If this is true, it's easily rectifiable, by making sure you don't so this. So this bit of the risk is eliminated.

2. both mum and baby apparently sleep deeper with ff than breastfeeding. This may be true for some parents and babies more than others, and even if true, everyone is going to be somewhere on the scale, and some breastfeeding pairs may sleep very deeply, and other bottle fed babies very lightly.

The research on it is quite limited though, albeit quoted a lot. I believe a lot of it comes from a single expert simply studying his wife, though if there are other studies separate to this, I'd be interested to know.

For what it's worth, I partially bedsharing when ff. We use a cosleeper, but I bring her over towards the end of the night. I lie in such a way that I couldnt move without disturbing us, and only do it because by baby gets very stirry in the morning instead, so she sleeps very lightly. As do I.

What happens at the weekend when dh is back? You can't just change a babies routine 2 days a week. It just wouldn't work.

First google search result http://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-and-formula-feeding/

The research on it is quite limited though, albeit quoted a lot. I believe a lot of it comes from a single expert simply studying his wife, though if there are other studies separate to this, I'd be interested to know.

Do you mean Dr sears??

There's actually quite a lot of research on it... I've linked to Dr McKenna at the infant sleep lab Norte dame university above which may interest you