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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a cheeky fucker on my hands, don't I?

147 replies

JustHereForThePooStories · 27/09/2017 23:59

I work in a field that touches a lot of peoples' lives (not in the emotional sense; the work I do relates to activities a lot of people need). I'm in a senior, specialist role, and also have additional legal qualifications relating to the area.
I'm not self-employed. I work for a company so am paid to focus on these activities for my employer. They also pay for further education and support CPD in my field.

At least once a month, I have someone contact me asking for my advice on a personal capacity.

In the past, I have helped but have found that many people-
A) Don't appreciate it and expect you to be at their beck and call once you engage
B) Don't give you the full story so the advice I give is moot/unsuitable
C) Make a point of not taking the advice when it doesn't suit them, almost to the point where they argue with me about doing the opposite of what I recommend

This week, a distant family member who I haven't seen in ages sent me an email saying that his friend from work is looking for advice and he will call me tomorrow to talk me through it.

I replied to say "Hi X. Good to hear from you. I'm on holiday at the moment so not available for phone calls, I'm afraid. I don't like advising people I don't know on such matters as it's difficult to get the full picture and I'm not comfortable with it. I'd suggest your friend contacts for assistance with her issue.
Hope all is well with .
Hope to see you before the year is out.
Poo"

He replied, CCing his friend saying-
"Hi Poo.

I have CCed in . , can you please email Poo directly with the "full story" so she can see what she can do to help before you go to the trouble of contacting ?"

I've replied to both to say I'm not contactable as I'm on holiday, will not be checking emails after today, and am unavailable to assist, as mentioned in first email. I've also emailed relative directly on the back of that to say if appreciate it if he didn't share my personal contact information with strangers.

This is just beyond bloody cheek, isn't it?

OP posts:
TinkysWinky · 29/09/2017 21:25

I hate this. I am a GP and get so many pictures of rashes and wounds and down peoples throats texted to me it's unreal. DHs family turning up on my doorstep when their kids are ill or have fallen and banged their head etc. And random queries from relative strangers with minimal background information. I had to take a stand with DHs family and just say for medicolegal reasons I wasnt covered to advise them and here is the number for out of hours if they have concerns. Drives me mental

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 29/09/2017 21:29

Reply back with an out of office message. Just repeat it every time she texts you.

AudTheDeepMinded · 29/09/2017 21:35

Don't engage, don't reply, switch phone off.

Anecdoche · 29/09/2017 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KityGlitr · 29/09/2017 21:38

This thread is amazing! I'm watching with bated breath to see how you reply (if you do, i would recommend simply not) and what they come back with. They're either incredibly dense or massively selfish and don't give a toss about you. They clearly think they can steamroll over you!

AudTheDeepMinded · 29/09/2017 21:41

There is nothing blunter than no reply at all!

EduCated · 29/09/2017 21:41

Ignore - you've said you're unavailable.

SeraphinaDombegh · 29/09/2017 21:45

Shock massively cheeky. I can't believe they couldn't take TWO no's for an answer! Unbelievable!

Theycalledmethewildrose · 29/09/2017 21:48

Oh I think your relative is probably a bit red faced for saying you would help without checking with you first.

I suggest you don't reply at all and if it later comes up in an awkward family gathering, just say you were away and sent a mail suggesting the other person contact xyz that was it as far as you were concerned. If he continues to argue ask if he received the mail and then reiterate the contents of the mail in person.

notreallythere · 29/09/2017 21:54

Ignore the text. Or go for a "Not sure if you misread my emails - I am on holiday?" They've probably been trying to show off saying 'I know someone who can sort that for you, no problem' and the like. Now they're chasing you trying to make it your problem. Stand your ground.

GU24Mum · 29/09/2017 21:55

I'd reply straight to the friend, cc in the relative along the lines of

"Dear X,
As I mentioned to CF relative on the last e-mail, I am not going to be able to help you with this and I'm away at the moment too. If you get in touch with [XYZ organisation] they should be able to find someone who can help you.
Poo"

mummymummums · 29/09/2017 22:05

What LazyDaily said. Perfect.

eddielizzard · 29/09/2017 22:07

'if it's urgent then she needs to contact professional body urgently.'

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2017 22:10

Add relatives email address to junk folder...

8misskitty8 · 29/09/2017 22:19

Lazydaily reply is perfect.

Your relative really is a CF aren't they ?

mypoornips · 29/09/2017 23:07

'That won't be possible, sorry, but best of luck with it.'

Then don't respond until your home.

JennyWoodentop · 29/09/2017 23:47

This week, a distant family member who I haven't seen in ages sent me an email saying that his friend from work is looking for advice and he will call me tomorrow to talk me through it.

If it's a distant family member that you rarely see and they're being persistant about this and not taking the hint - what's to lose by blocking them?

rumbelina · 30/09/2017 00:17

Ignore as you're not checking your emails. CF AF ! ! !

SquidgeyMidgey · 30/09/2017 00:25

I agree, ignore. You are, after all, on holiday as previously stated. And yes, grade 1 CF.

Ceto · 30/09/2017 00:26

Ignore it to show you mean what you say. Relative must know that if it's that urgent friend can and should follow your recommendation about contacting the professional body.

Jux · 30/09/2017 00:28

Another vote for LazyDaily's reply.

Don't be tenpted to ameliorate it, don't be friendly, keep it curt; you are on holiday abd they think you'll spend time checking the problem and coming up with a proper response. Dream on, CFs.

SouthWindsWesterly · 30/09/2017 00:29

A text message? Surely you're out of signal whilst on holiday...?

mellicauli · 30/09/2017 00:59

"Sorry, as I have already said, it's a no. You'll need to find another way to sort this out."

ReanimatedSGB · 30/09/2017 01:14

"Tell your friend to contact [relevant professional organisation]. I am not insured/permitted to advise anyone outside my professional capacity. As I am on holiday, please do not contact me again regarding this matter."

Yeah, it's blunt, but it's OK to be rude to people who are pestering you for free services and have already been told No.

emmyrose2000 · 30/09/2017 01:58

If it is THAT urgent why haven't they taken steps to contact someone properly in a professional manner? Other than it not actually being that urgent and/or they're too stingy to pay for advice, that is.

Just ignore. Also ignore any future contact from them.