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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Insta mums

999 replies

Harrielady · 27/09/2017 19:23

What the actual fuck?! I have just joined mumsnet and can say I will be leaving it after the negativity I've experienced. I joined expecting women helping women.
Women encouraging other women. Whether that's with their children, their marriage or their careers?! 'Insta mums' are mums who have decided a career in instagramming! And why the fuck not?! Before you ask no I am not an insta mum. Not that I wouldn't want to be - I just can't be bothered to tidy. But they do! They make their homes beautiful and enjoy decorating and showing their efforts off. Other women are inspired and they can bring many other women joy and happiness. Who are you bringing joy and happiness too? Going into the internet and plastering negative energy and bitter comments is not helpful, not nice and not at all fucking productive! You bitch about these women spending their days cleaning and shopping and not 'caring for thier kids' but how are you fucking idiots any better?!? Your too busy slagging off other hard working women to get your kicks. It's sad. Pathetic and downright bullying.
Something's that have been posted have hurt 'insta mums' and have caused upset - what have they actually done to you?? You are no better than the disgusting internet trolls who target celebrities or others who are slightly better looking or better off than yourselves. Get a grip.

OP posts:
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CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 17:41

I dislike the change in algorithms so you largely see the "big names"

Me too. The new algorithm sucks big time. However, I wonder how it will go with the advertising. Instagram changed the algorithm so that they could 'monetise' it and stick ads in every 3 photos or so. I'm not sure where this fits in with bloggers advertising other stuff. I assume IG doesn't get a cut of that.

It's been noted that #ads don't get as many likes as non ads. Is that because other people are starting to get wise to advertising or because IG are sticking pics with the #ad hashtag to the bottom of the pile, so to speak.

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 17:53

Literally 'lolz'ing' about it not being cool to find FOD unfunny or trying too hard.

ButIamrightright · 17/01/2018 17:56

That interesting Courtney I also hate the traditional ads in my feed that are not even relevant to who I follow.

ButIamrightright · 17/01/2018 17:57

That interesting Courtney I also hate the traditional ads in my feed that are not even relevant to who I follow.

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 18:05

I think you missed the point I meant I hope she’s being kind to herself as motherhood is a navigational minefield of emotions nothing to do with FOD 🙈

flobella · 17/01/2018 18:18

@anyalovesrose For what it's worth, I think he seems like a nice bloke and you seem v happy together (although if I thought otherwise I'd probably just keep that to myself, I can't understand why we expect each other to be kind and polite in all areas of life except when talking to people in the public eye...).

PippyPopPop · 17/01/2018 18:32

You lot are so rude.

Omnis · 17/01/2018 19:19

Deranged well said! I completely agree.
Courtney I know you're absolutely spot on as do many others. Bloggers always always call people who call them out bullies. So predictable.

I hope this sly way of advertising is on the way out. With 3 mumsnet forums on the same subject it certainly looks like it.
Not forgetting the wonderful @bullshitcallerouter currently posting about instagrammer comps giving the prize to yep...their instagram mates.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 17/01/2018 19:33

I’m not really sure why saying you don’t like something automatically means your are being unkind or a bully.

I don’t like TOWIE and think it’s ridiculous but I bet Gemma whatsherface isn’t weeping on her way to the bank because I’m not a fan. Nor does that make me a troll.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 17/01/2018 19:36

I’m not really sure why saying you don’t like something automatically means your are being unkind or a bully.

I don’t like TOWIE and think it’s ridiculous but I bet Gemma whatsherface isn’t weeping on her way to the bank because I’m not a fan. Nor does that make me a troll.

flobella · 17/01/2018 20:01

I think it's absolutely fine to say "you shouldn't have done a fake giveaway" or "you shouldn't have disguised an ad" but there's just no need to make a comment to someone to tell them that you think their husband is tedious. It's not trolling but it is unnecessary.

Is this thread about exposing the misuse of Instagram to exploit viewers/create revenue dishonestly or is it an opportunity to pick out personality flaws? Because the latter detracts from the former.

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 20:01

MP really isn't my thing, I don't dislike her but don't find her relating to me (I still don't understand the whole Flex! thing) She really went up in my opinion though when she came on here, said she is aware that she is not everyone's cup of tea and that she was fine with that. I think if you are putting yourself out there you need to be aware that not everyone will like you and that doesn't mean that they are unkind, a bully or a hater.

flobella · 17/01/2018 20:10

"I think if you are putting yourself out there you need to be aware that not everyone will like you and that doesn't mean that they are unkind, a bully or a hater."

But why do people feel the need to specifically tell someone they don't like them? If my son went up to someone in the playground and said "I don't like you" I'd go to some effort to teach him that it's fine to feel the way that you do but you don't need to share that, some things are best left unsaid." There are tonnes of TV programmes and Instagram accounts and musicians and artists I don't like - I wouldn't seek them all out and let them know I wasn't a fan. Firstly I dare say they wouldn't give a shit and secondly, what's in it for me? Will it enhance my life if I have told someone I think they are a bit meh?

Like I say, comment/report if you think someone is lying or breaking the rules/trying to sell stuff without transparency but to go around saying "Let me just inform you I don't follow you, I think you're boring/not my cup of tea" is a bit weird to be honest.

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 20:24

Flo I am late to the table as I am relatively new to Instagram so forgive me if I have missed something, but who is contacting IGers to say they don't like them/don't follow them/they are not their cup of tea? AFAIK these threads were discussing the goings on/ad issues/how relatable the 'Instamums' were, in the same way that current events, TV programmes and other stuff out there in the media are discussed. It is a n anonymous forum, I for one and i'm sure others use it to vent or offload things that they wouldn't say in RL. In saying that though I wouldn't condone personal attacks on someone's appearance or dc.

flobella · 17/01/2018 20:37

@wisterialanes I agree it is anonymous and a place for people to vent but this thread is slightly different in that Clemmie (Mother of Daughters) has been on here a lot over the past few days responding to some of the points raised and one user decided to let her know she finds her husband (Father of Daughters) tedious and unfunny. Like I said, I think that kind of thing is unkind and it also detracts from the other points other people were trying to make about more serious issues like ad transparency. I know people want to vent about stuff they find irritating but doing it directly to people just seems a bit mean, especially when you can hide behind your anonymity.

CakeNinja · 17/01/2018 20:41

Bye! 👋
Don’t slam the door too loudly, that way we won’t notice you coming back with a namechange Grin
See you soon Wink

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 21:05

Maybe you’re right maybe being an Instamums should mean you can be criticised by others, have the value of your house discussed, how many days a week you work, how your book you spent a year writing being called nonsense, how you choose to dress your kids, how much tax you pay through your business (and the link shared) I could go on. Maybe that was all in the small print on instagram that I missed. My point is I would never dream of discussing someone the way mumsnet users are allowed to do anywhere online, that fact its anonymous makes it even worse, cowardly in a way. Talk to me directly, email me, meet me for a coffee. Maybe Mumsnet needs to arrange something where Instamums and Mumsnet users could meet and chat face to face I bet it would be so much more productive 😀

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 21:10

While we were on the subject of FOD, I find him to be extremely disingenuous and inauthentic. That isn't a personal attack, I'm sure in RL he isn't making silly faces and pretending he doesn't know how to parent, but I find him so repulsive because he is putting on an act and writing his script around his children, exposing them to the world in order to make money. He is making a concerted effort to be funny (which is obviously a subjective matter) and his raison d'etre is that he has daughters. I can guarantee you he wouldn't have a fraction of followers if he was just Simon "I don't know what I'm doing in life" and pulling stupid faces as he was walking to work every morning or making dinner. He would probably be quite inspirational if he shared honest experiences/tips of life with twins and other dc but instead he proclaims that he has no clue and with him as a father your life is in constant danger.

I find it increasingly distasteful that any prominent figures on social media use their dc in a mocking tone to gain followers and in turn money/gifts. Another comes to mind who gives her children the most uncomplimentary monikers; it might be funny as a one off but when used all the time it just cries desperate.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/01/2018 21:13

Did you honestly join instagram and think that no one would ever make a negative (as you see it) comment or access publically acessible records - that seems very naive?

A large number of comments are relating to legitimate concerns about privacy and safety of children which have not been addressed at all. You are a HCP - I'd be interested to know how do you deal with parents who dismiss any legitimate comments or advice regarding child safety by dissembling and saying you are "bullying" them. I'm not bothered about you or your DH - if you want to beg for tumble dryers online, that's fine. I think you are seriously compromising the safety of your children - and that is a matter of fact, not opinion

MargotMoon · 17/01/2018 21:19

@IHATEPeppaPig my photos of my children look like drunken 2 foot hooligans at some sort of rubbish dump rave.

My MN comment of the year so far! Grin

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 21:22

@anyalovesrose I agree that some of the stuff that was discussed in the original thread went too far, but a lot of the more personal stuff was deleted (as it should have been).

I also understand that it's hard to hear and I'll be honest, I wouldn't like it (but who does like criticism?) and while I understand that the more critical stuff isn't nice, I think being in the public eye means that you're going to have the persona that you're presenting to the world discussed for better or worse. And for all the people who might say something you don't like on here, there are hundreds more that love your account.

Also, I haven't said anything that I wouldn't say to your face (especially the stuff about putting your kids out there. In fact, I'd consider it favour) although I'm happy to DM you my IG name if that makes it any better (although I can't see how it would but you can come and critique my account if it makes you feel any better Confused).

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 21:26

@anyalovesrose Clemmie as I said I am fairly new to IG, do you do Q&A posts? (Is that a 'thing' on IG?) There are loads of questions I would like to ask you. Things like where do your twins' dresses come from? How do you manage work/home balance? Do you have a nanny? Where is your kitchen from? I am very nosy, there are lots more questions.

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 21:27

@courtney
I wouldn’t critique your account it’s your life and how you live it isn’t for me to get involved in.

Child safety yes that’s a serious matter and I’m very happy to talk about that. For eg we never ever show where our children go to school or nursery as I said earlier I show my older two less and less on here now

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 21:28

@wisteria dm me @motherofdaughters and I’ll reply what’s your user name so I know who to look out for. I also answer lots of these questions on my posts where I can

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/01/2018 21:29

But any nutcase could easily work out where you live/the layout of your house/they know your children's names and ages and what their bedrooms look like

That creates safety risks