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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Insta mums

999 replies

Harrielady · 27/09/2017 19:23

What the actual fuck?! I have just joined mumsnet and can say I will be leaving it after the negativity I've experienced. I joined expecting women helping women.
Women encouraging other women. Whether that's with their children, their marriage or their careers?! 'Insta mums' are mums who have decided a career in instagramming! And why the fuck not?! Before you ask no I am not an insta mum. Not that I wouldn't want to be - I just can't be bothered to tidy. But they do! They make their homes beautiful and enjoy decorating and showing their efforts off. Other women are inspired and they can bring many other women joy and happiness. Who are you bringing joy and happiness too? Going into the internet and plastering negative energy and bitter comments is not helpful, not nice and not at all fucking productive! You bitch about these women spending their days cleaning and shopping and not 'caring for thier kids' but how are you fucking idiots any better?!? Your too busy slagging off other hard working women to get your kicks. It's sad. Pathetic and downright bullying.
Something's that have been posted have hurt 'insta mums' and have caused upset - what have they actually done to you?? You are no better than the disgusting internet trolls who target celebrities or others who are slightly better looking or better off than yourselves. Get a grip.

OP posts:

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MadamMinacious · 16/01/2018 16:31

Woman comes on internet to post a thread slagging off women for slagging off women - lets face it, no one is covered in glory in this situation although your OP is pretty hypocritical.

ps: I don't do Instagram so I don't care either way.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/01/2018 10:25

The next thing to happen I predict is nasty crimes started by people (stalking or worse) following/obsessed by people in IG . It’s an accident waiting to happen and I am Surprised it hasn’t happened sooner frankly

Everyone is traceable and the photos , house ,kids photos . I find it very scary

I think the people who dothis are very naive

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 10:39

I said above that I don't care about ads or hashtags or freebies etc and I think that everyone has the right to choose whether to show their family, but what Clemmie said above about needing Instagram to pay for their house made me feel quite sad for her (MP said something similar and I'm sure lots of others are in the same boat) Basically they need to show their little ones as they are the money spinners. That is quite different to someone who just wants to share what their dc are up to on social media. It's made me look at some accounts in a different light.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 10:54

but what Clemmie said above about needing Instagram to pay for their house made me feel quite sad for her

I think you misunderstood that. She was quoting someone else and said she didn't need IG to pay her mortgage.

Tbh, you'd be pretty daft to rely on something so transient for your sole income. There's another thread running in S&B about bloggers and their freebies with some really interesting points being made. I think amongst the general population, the tide is turning against this kind of sly advertising.

wisterialanes · 17/01/2018 11:14

Oh and to @Muthaofcats I don’t work 1 day a week I work 3 sorry you think my book is nonsense and we need Instagram to pay for our new house

Apologies, I stand corrected. The above statement without punctuation could be ambiguous.

MP did say (on here) that she had to make a choice of publicity and seeing her dc or working in a job without family friendly hours, so I suppose for some of them it is the case of being a necessity rather than a choice.

ObiJuanKenobi · 17/01/2018 11:16

I personally follow and enjoy @anyalovesrose MOD/FODs accounts on insta. As a mum of very similar age twins to theirs I find it comforting to see that I'm not the only one finding it hard sometimes, there are huge messes, scribbles on the wall and having a panic about someone being constipated/sick or whatever.

It's actually refreshing to not have perfection rammed down my throat by seemingly perfect parents and see a bit more of what it's really like in the real world, with some humour and cute pics thrown in.

Even the ads on their pages aren't overbearing, I've had some decent tips off of there (the suction cup bowls were ace) but if it's irrelevant just keep scrolling and if their accounts really bother you so much to the extent you feel the need to berate them on an anonymous forum - just unfollow/block them before it gets that far. No ones forcing you to follow!

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 11:19

MP did say (on here) that she had to make a choice of publicity and seeing her dc or working in a job without family friendly hours, so I suppose for some of them it is the case of being a necessity rather than a choice.

As much as I like Pukka, I think there's always a choice between that and splashing your kids all over social media. It really doesn't sit well with me at all, I'm afraid.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 11:31

Firstly, MOD and FOD's ads aren't overbearing because it's only very recently (think Sept 17) that they've started actually saying if something is an ad or not. MOD's claims that she very rarely does ads are laughable. And that's without her posts where she trying to blag a free washing machine or bag.

Secondly, I don't follow her anymore. I stopped following her when she bullied another user off IG.

Thirdly, if you put every detail of your life on display, people are going to have opinions of you whether you like it or not. And it might do you good every so often to step outside of the bubble that is Instagram's echo chamber. In the same way I can ignore MOD's account, she's welcome to do the same about my opinion of her. As are you.

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 11:54

@courtney
Once again I didn’t bully another IG use she made videos of me taking the piss out of my accent, my skin and my family. I reacted like anyone would do I was upset I asked her to stop and she carried on so I called her up on it. I never said anything about her life/appearance/accent I wasn’t even rude I just asked why she was doing it. Technically she was the one bullying me but like I said I shouldn’t have reacted or even spoken about it on IG. If that had gone on in the work place she would have been disciplined accordingly. But I guess half the time no one would say these things to my face just online 🤷🏻‍♀️

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 11:57

And you’ll find before Sept17 all my paid ads were tagged #ad, if product was given but no money was exchanged then I didn’t #ad as I thought that I didn’t need to say. I seeked legal advice and spoke to the ASA who advised accordingly. I don’t want to deceive my followers and often try and see what others are doing to help me and guide me but I’ve learnt loads

ObiJuanKenobi · 17/01/2018 12:04

First, MOD and FODs ads aren't* overbearing because it's only very recently
*
For me it doesn't matter what #s or advert announcing is put on a post, I'm not stupid and I'm well aware of product placement be it a freebie or an ad. It's just not overbearing or annoying to me as an Instagram user - if it was then I would unfollow or block. I would then move on with my life instead of becoming a keyboard bully.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 12:14

I would then move on with my life instead of becoming a keyboard bully

Oh here we go. Genuine concerns and valid criticism is now bullying, is it?

I haven't mentioned anything personal about either of them. The only things I've talked about is stuff that already plastered over both their accounts for everyone to see.

The message is clear (and not particularly from MOD, I hasten to add but her followers). Just shut up and buy whatever the blogger du jour is plugging this week.

FWIW, if you can make a buck or two from your social media, the crack on. But don't don't treat us like idiots in the meantime. Don't bury your #ad in the middle of 13 other hashtags. Don't bang on about a holiday you've gone on while deleting and ignoring any comments asking if it's freebie. Don't ask your followers about which brand of kitchen implement they'd recommended because you're trying to blag something for nothing and don't actually care what the sheeple think.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 12:24

Btw, my last point doesn't necessarily apply to Clemmie as she says she changed the way she does things on her account.

But there are still some bloggers out there who aren't so transparent and still aren't saying if they've been paid to promote something or if it's a gift. It's a grey area, I admit that but I think it needs to change.

DarthNigel · 17/01/2018 12:30

I've actually no idea what you're talking about...but I will say that like most other forums mumsnet is for discussion-and a wide range of people with a wide range of views use it. Sometimes it's bitchy. So is real life. The flip of that is the amazing support it can give when it's needed. I have experienced that first hand and it was invaluable.
If you don't like a certain thread, don't read it. It's quite simple.
Bye

derangedmermaid · 17/01/2018 12:30

Instagram is literally a site full of narcissism and bullshit, (with the occasional relief of cute pet accounts)

Anyone who doesn't have that sussed in the first five minutes needs a slap with a wet fish.

Instamums are the worst, closely followed by lifestylecuntsgurus and fitness knobbers.

ObiJuanKenobi · 17/01/2018 12:30

@CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal my post isn't aimed at you it's aimed at a lot of the really nasty comments made on the various threads about this.

I don't see that with Insta it's any different from MN, there's some really nasty people about, bullying going on, there's also much needed support - some lovely posts, happy and sad but there's also sponsored posts and ads - you can navigate both sites without being offended or you can look for things to moan and gripe about. At least with Insta you can block people who annoy you.

IrisApfelRocks · 17/01/2018 13:46

I follow some IG Mum bloggers. I ve recently started following @thefashionbugblog and I find her really sweet with an amazing style. I ve just had a baby and she had indirectly helped me get out of the style rut and start taking care of myself again. I also follow and like StyleMeSunday. I don't have an opinion on MOD but I find FOD really tedious with his overbearing captions. He is trying way too hard to be funny and is anything but. I don't follow him btw, he just pops up on my explore page. As for the constant ads I can't say they bother me, it's just part and parcel, but to say that they are minimal is quite frankly insulting to your followers. I do fully agree about the privacy and the safety aspects of it all tho and think @CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal makes some very valid points.

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 14:15

@IrisApfelRocks
Luckily I find him funny, caring, a wonderful husband and father to our daughters. I hope you navigate your way through motherhood with kindness, there are some great fashion Instamums who post about dressing your postnatal body which can be so hard to do. Try Dresslikeamum especially on bf friendly outfits

IrisApfelRocks · 17/01/2018 14:37

@anyalovesrose I am sure you do. I never said he wasn't a wonderful father or husband. He might be all of those things, I am not qualified to comment.

Thank you for the recommendation. I have a very different fashion sense to DLAM so I don't follow her anymore. I do follow and like @chloelovestoshop tho.

anyalovesrose · 17/01/2018 14:51

@IrisApfelRocks
But you feel qualified to comment that he’s not funny and trying too hard? It’s really not cool.

Ads are part of Instagram I state when I’ve been paid, tag the paid partnership tab where appropriate. If you count how many I’ve done in the last few months it’s very little. We get offered a huge amount of paid advertising but we’re very careful who we work with as I don’t want to saturate my feed with ad ad ad and many of these brands aren’t relevant to my life.

IrisApfelRocks · 17/01/2018 14:54

@anyalovesrose when you put yourselves and your lives out there like that you invite opinions. Not all of those opinions will be positive. Not everyone will like you. I do not find his captions funny. So yes I feel I can comment on that.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CourtneyLoveIsMySpiritAnimal · 17/01/2018 16:23

Sorry I've posted that on the wrong thread

ButIamrightright · 17/01/2018 17:21

Not completely relevant to the thread as I don't think I follow any instamums (I'm not particularly interested in strangers kids or how they parent them, mine are enough!). However I really liked how originally instagram was an alternative platform to traditional forms of media particularly regarding interiors and fashion. I dislike the change in algorithms so you largely see the "big names" and how homogeneous its all become. I do not begrudge anyone for making money from it but I appreciate when the blogger does not just take the cash but works with brands that suit their brand. Oh well nature of the beast I guess.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 17/01/2018 17:31

I hope you navigate your way through motherhood with kindness,

Oh so do I Iris as it's a real worry that you might be unkind to your child based upon the fact you don't like FOD's captions . Hilarious

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