Insta mums

[Harrielady]

What the actual fuck?! I have just joined mumsnet and can say I will be leaving it after the negativity I've experienced. I joined expecting women helping women.
Women encouraging other women. Whether that's with their children, their marriage or their careers?! 'Insta mums' are mums who have decided a career in instagramming! And why the fuck not?! Before you ask no I am not an insta mum. Not that I wouldn't want to be - I just can't be bothered to tidy. But they do! They make their homes beautiful and enjoy decorating and showing their efforts off. Other women are inspired and they can bring many other women joy and happiness. Who are you bringing joy and happiness too? Going into the internet and plastering negative energy and bitter comments is not helpful, not nice and not at all fucking productive! You bitch about these women spending their days cleaning and shopping and not 'caring for thier kids' but how are you fucking idiots any better?!? Your too busy slagging off other hard working women to get your kicks. It's sad. Pathetic and downright bullying.
Something's that have been posted have hurt 'insta mums' and have caused upset - what have they actually done to you?? You are no better than the disgusting internet trolls who target celebrities or others who are slightly better looking or better off than yourselves. Get a grip.

Well if they were my client I would be taking the phone off them.

The very nature of this personal platform transitioning to a business or campaigning platform is why there are so many problems.

Like it or not, putting your life into the public arena will invite criticism and if you can't cope with that then it's maybe not for you.

This an open forum though Kate? For stranger. On the Internet. Sometimes the discussion about things is positive sometimes its negative sometimes its a very mixed bag. Thats what is called a debate and to suggest anything negative meeds to be said in private is a bit ridiculous sorry.
Or is it just negative discussion about instamums that you don't like?

Helloitskate - I actually think them having some non-adoring feedback is probably a good idea. If they're running a business (which they are now), it's probably a good thing to find out what people do or don't like. It should be important to their brand that people are unfollowing them due to overselling. They can make changes. In my job I get supervised and told if things need changing. It's pretty standard.

Kate you know what you're describing don't you?

People having to keep their feelings behind 'closed doors' and keeping silent about public figures who in turn put everything out there. We don't have to live like that here.

Should everyone have kept 'silent' about the Next cover debacle.

Should MotherPukka keep quiet about the awkwardness of working with kids.

Get real Kate.

I just think there is a difference between negative comments and bitchiness. And a lot of people here are crossing the line and confusing the two, that’s what I don’t agree with.

Are you also a blogger Kate? Or influencer? If you want to see a forum that has some truly horrendous bitchiness on it look at 'gomi' - that is truly awful. The posters on that website are grim. This is just a discussion.

Comes across as you just trying to shut up any discussion though.

And I've seen that often on Insta.

And before you label me as a hater I love Instagram and follow a lot of people.But I do have my own opinions.

Tried to watch FOD. Omg what a prat ! How embarrassing for the children. I'd be mortified if my parents behaved like that. My concern is using, humiliating and exploiting your own children for free stuff.
Rabid exhibitionists.
I hope it all implodes.
As pp's have written mod has a hissy fit at fod being called a wanker but totally ignores child privacy concerns. Obviously they know they are in the wrong and too embarrassed to admit it.

I respect MP for her measured response and her willingness to engage with audience and acknowledge her awareness that she isn't everyone's thing.

Someone up thread said about FOD coming across as a nasty, sinister character and I've really seen this in a few of his stories. He really gives me narc vibes and 'you can't criticise me without repercussions'. He was glaringly seething in that story and his 'I couldn't give a toss' was the worst facade I have seen. It was so cringeworthy it was embarassing!

I feel for MOD, she never seems happy and I wouldn't want to swap lives with her or begrudge them the #gifts or #spons, but she really needs to grow a thicker skin and/or realise that there is a wider world of opinion beyond their adulating fans. She seemed horrified that someone had the audacity to say what is a fairly innocuous comment about her husband .

So some people think they're inauthentic and have sold out but also that they need media training?

Come on ladies….name calling’s not cool. Poor old Simon isn’t a w (utterly cringe, deluded about his “fame”, entirely “off message” and not really very funny or clever – but not a w).

That said, I do think, as parents, the pair of them have totally lost sight of safeguarding issues around their girls – flying in the face of everything our kids are taught about social media safety (think they’re showing their age actually…..savvy-social teens would never give their lives away in the way they do).

I grew up in East Kent, now live in London and (after seeing just two pics of their older girls in their blazers) can tell exactly which school they go to. There really aren’t that many lovely schools on the "Planet Thanet"– soz. It’s also blatantly obvious where they live – having heard MOD boast-on about the provenance of their “gi-normous” new house on some interior design blog chat…… Clearly (thankfully) I have no interest in either….but sadly some weirdos out there might do (the ones we’re meant to be protecting our kids from)

For what it’s worth I work in PR & Marketing (including lots of “baby” brands) and my husband works in advertising compliance so [boringly] we prob do know a bit about what we’re talking about!
But hey, why not make hay / cash while the sun shines? The instamum bubble will burst eventually and brands will move onto new platforms and start engaging with their [weary] consumers in a less blatant and lazy way #ad #gifts #yawn #whocares #we’renotbloodystupid!

And while we’re at it, I suggest MOD, FOD (and lots of others out there) re-read “Gone Girl” and the infamous fable of “Amazing Amy”……..food for thought as you continue to profile your kids to gain followers and adulation!

I really like Elle from Feathering the Empty Nest. She has done amazing things (a significant amount of fundraising for one) despite going through one of the most traumatic things anyone could ever experience. I don't think I would have had the strength to do something similar if I were in her circumstances.

I think inevitably the following she has gained has made her attractive to brands and there have therefore been a few gifts and ads as a result - I don't begrudge that at all. She is transparent about it and is not doing anything wrong. She deserves all the free gifts in the world (I think she spends a significant part of each day answering questions and talking to people who have been through similar bereavements) and the things on her feed are all in keeping with her style.

I have no particular beef with them earning money for advertising stuff. I think anyone who chooses to go down that road has to acknowledge that they lose their authenticity though. Posting about their busy mornings and what a nightmare it can be all feels very authentic to most parents. Until you add in the 'so we've teamed up with Dorset Cereals'. Then it's an ad. It's not a parent sharing an experience with you that you can relate to, it's someone making stuff up to flog you a box of granola.

It's the same with product placement. I love Homeland but their product placement is ruining it for me. I can't buy into the storyline and the characters when they're clearly, obviously trying to flog me diet coke.

In both scenarios it's intrusive and ruins the whole thing you're trying to enjoy and buy into.

I feel genuinely sorry for MOD/FOD.

They both come across as hugely insecure and quite niave .

MOD strikes me as being quite unhappy deep down. Clearly these discussions really get to them. FODs response just reminds me of high school.

I really worry about the privacy of these children. I guess the gain is worth more than the risks.

Does anyone else find stories so bizarre? I find it fascinating to watch, but equally such an odd concept.

It is a bit odd to be more concerned about someone calling (your let's face it unbelievably annoying can you imagine living with him) husband a wanker than people accusing you of using your children to make money. I know what would hit a nerve with me. And MP has frequently referred to her concern with her kids and appears to have recently decided to not feature her older daughter now she's at school. It's something others address.

You only have to google MOD and FOD's older daughter to see photos of her at school, with the name of the school. It's odd. To go from 'oh we can't afford nursery for twins'last year (so a nanny for all 4 was cheaper) to 2 kids at a £13000 a year private school and twins in 4 day nursery. For this huge lifestyle change they've had a huge change in fortune and this seems likely to be social media, Instagram so why not treat your supporters and enablers with more respect? They are the least acknowledging and appreciative of all the people I follow. And I've not sat here pondering this for days, I'm not that bothered, I'm not bitchy, this thread has thrown up a lot of thoughts and having followed since midwifeyhooper, I kind of miss the old accounts and old home where they actually seemed a lot happier, funnier and more genuine.

@Helloitskate I totally agree that it shouldn’t get personal but, let’s face it, they’re running a business. I assume they have a limited company registered for accounting purposes and they’re open about having an agent. A business is always open to scrutiny and FoD was unprofessional in his response. It’s just a shame there are children involved in this business.

Also, debate is healthy... let’s not shut it down - just sort out the name-calling.

What does it matter if you know where they live/school unless you're already a proper nutter?

@greengrass1234 Everyone has a valid opinion on a forum / debate.

Yes and I'm interested in it! Why is it a problem? If someone is mental enough to care specifically about, say stalking a particular child, they'll find out unless you have extreme privacy which is just not practical for mod and fod. Or lots of us in fact.

@greengrass1234 Apologies, I was replying to your earlier comment. Ignore me - I’m new to Mumsnet 😬

Greengrass1234 that's exactly it though really, no one would be 'interested' in there kids if they didn't sell them as part of their brand. I don't personally give a monkeys what school they attend but the majority of accounts you wouldn't know private details of children or where they go to school, there are nutters out there and who knows what they'd do with info so surely it's relevant to debate or conversation? The accounts for their business gasandair ltd are public and available online as in the last 'big' thread details were published. I totally agree that just name calling is not really necessary but discussing is fine. They've sold themselves to make money, we as followers are all the target market or purchasers so why is it not open for discussion.

I stand fully corrected on Feathering the Empty Nest, thanks to those who explained what she does in more detail and apologies to Elle if you read my original post.

Re security, I obviously have absolutely no interest whatsoever in finding out personal details of Instamums or their kids, but I think it's important to point out potential holes in security. My Instagram account is protected for this reason, and even then I don't post anything that could point to the location of my DC's nursery school. I too have a decent knowledge of East Kent, for example, and can often locate MoD and FoD.

Re name calling, I still think it's pointless and detracts from the bigger issues. Whether I find someone annoying or not is irrelevant to the issues I have with instagram parenting.

With enough effort I expect I too could probably forge a career as a minor instagram celeb mum. I could def get a few freebies. But I just don't think the exposure of my child is worth it. So my account will stay protected and for me it will remain a purely social media.

@AuntLydia You raise an interesting point about whether this kind of #ad content can ever be genuine or even enjoyable. I think two people who do it well I can think of are @eimearvarianbarry and @amodelrecommends - both did good content pieces with wipe brands which could have been lame and awful but were genuine and quite moving / informative. Especially Eimear's one with Water wipes. It's about writing from the heart I suppose. I just can't say that about MOD and FOD at all (sorry)

This thread actually makes me feel really uneasy.
I remember on the last thread saying how scary I found it when people had found mod/fod's address, they knew when he was away, the schools the kids attended. That the house was full of expensive things, gifted or otherwise!
And now people have been able to trace new address using rightmove, kids new schools so no better off? I really hope they have advice on this, not from just supporters but proper advice. I follow and enjoy both of their accounts, I have found some great shops through the page, can't afford everything but I can't in every magazine either, thats fine. I think dress like a mum has done well on a security point of view, does show her kids but not in the home, doesn't give names so it would be hard to trace, no uniforms etc.
The security is the only thing that I would question.
A lot of people are talking like they feel let down by the advertising. Maybe those who started following Clemmie through her gas&air blog which was much more midwife centred? Maybe they saw her as a "friend" or "one of us" and then took it the same way when she started promoting products? I think a lot of people have a baby and feel a bit lost and exhausted so maybe seeing glossy beautiful instagram pictures of Mums who seem to have it all hits a bad tone with them? I have only ever seen instagram as advertising and realise that these people are selling a lifestyle that not everyone will afford in exactly the same way celebrities have for years. Only celebrities also have a lot more in place to protect them and their families. Its a shame about the pointless name calling as feel the genuine points of the thread will be lost as people will just get defensive as opposed to really think about some of the serious points made.