Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
Crummyfunnymummy · 28/09/2017 21:16

She doesn't sound judgy to me, but you sound a bit mean!

Alibobbob · 28/09/2017 21:20

Oh God I have done this..... about 13 years ago at a party, we were all drinking/very drunk and one of my colleagues was ranting about her son, swearing and saying what a f*king pain he was. Kids were also there so he could have heard.

I told her how lucky she was and that he was a great lad.

I had recently suffered a miscarriage. I wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't been drunk.

I feel really bad about it now that you have reminded me, and how, now as a single mum of two, how bloody difficult it is some days to be a parent.

coldcuptea · 28/09/2017 21:26

Gosh op, you haven't got a flaming on here when you deserve one . Mumsnet surprises
Me sometimes . She wasn't judging you - why do you keep repeating you feel judged ? Sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder and you are insecure . If a friend of mine had posted that (and I whinge big time about my kids ) I would have felt sad for her, not taken it as a chance to win a nasty little victory . Yep , you were being a bitch .

TakeAnadin · 28/09/2017 21:51

I have no idea why you posted this on yet another social media venue.

MenagerieMum · 28/09/2017 21:51

Agree with coldcuppatea
You asked if UWBU and it seems the consensus agree that yes, you were indeed being that and some. I'd be mortified if I added to someone's bad day/situation like that but I guess that's what makes us all different...

ArchibaldsDaddy · 28/09/2017 21:54

I'm afraid that what you did was spectacularly awful and, if I was you, I'd be ashamed and apologise unreservedly.

The fact that you felt a 'victory' over someone who is clearly constantly tortured by the fact that they can't have children is, to be frank, quite repulsive.

MickyJ67 · 28/09/2017 21:55

I've got 5 children that I love more than any words could simply express. Yes I've moaned about them but the thought of not ever having that chance or choice is so very sad, But I also feel each individual sees life through their own experiences and perspective. If I'm mean cause I don't understand the victory in letting this woman express said view point then I'll gladly except that.

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/09/2017 21:55

I went through 7 years of feeling exactly like she obviously does. It was an awful time. However now I have 2 dc and they drive me mad every day!!!!! I sometimes have to remind myself how desperately we felt the pangs of wanting to be parents! So I can really see this from both sides.....

orangeowls · 28/09/2017 21:58

You were nasty, there was no need for it.

JonSnowsWife · 28/09/2017 22:20

OP you just wrote the truth. People don't like the truth.

Eh? So did the facebook lady. Why is okay for the OP to write the truth but not facebook lady? Confused

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 28/09/2017 22:38

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad

Felt bad? So you should, you are clearly not a pleasant person.

MsMommie · 28/09/2017 22:41

I don't think you were being bitchy.
I think she was being bitchy.

It's sad that she can't have children, yes.
But it doesn't give her the right to judge people who have children.

Why should you scroll past and keep your mouth shut? Because you don't know what she's going through? She doesn't know what parents go through but she has free reign to bitch about it. Nope.

PoorYorick · 28/09/2017 22:46

I have no idea why you posted this on yet another social media venue.

For validation and praise.

Another one bites the dust!

NoqontroI · 28/09/2017 22:52

A bit harsh of you op. You should have ignored and scrolled on imo.

Abbylee · 28/09/2017 22:55

She desperately wants what you have and she perceives that some people don't appreciate their good fortune.

It's called being "gracious" and you were not. Now she feels worse. How did that help YOU?

scottishdiem · 28/09/2017 22:59

So if that is how you treat your friends how to you treat people you dont like?

scottishdiem · 28/09/2017 23:02

that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can

Yet you judged her because she cant. Two faced much?

stillvicarinatutu · 28/09/2017 23:04

congratulations on your small victory.

nasty. i hope your enjoy it.

MrsWhatToDo · 29/09/2017 00:37

It seems like you have assumed the "judgeyness".
She said how it made her feel. That's all. Nothing personal.
You were offended by it and lashed out. What do you intend to do now?

Crummyfunnymummy · 29/09/2017 05:29

I think maybe a private message to the poor woman, saying you're sorry about your reply to her post and that you wish you hadn't said it, might be the right way to go? Or maybe you still feel victorious?! Who knows! But you asked MN whether you'd been a b*tch and it was an unresounding "yes", so you must have known deep down what you did was pretty low.

Framboise18 · 29/09/2017 05:41

Op I think your opinion was fair.

Purplealienpuke · 29/09/2017 05:47

Had what she said been in response to a post of yours I could maybe (Vaguely) understand your reaction.
Sounds like you were both having a bad day.
If this woman isn't a close friend do you need her on fb? Just incase a similar thing arises? I think if fb is the only way you communicate with this person maybe delete and move on as you don't seem to have much in common. Judging each other isn't a reason to be friends, fb or otherwise.

Chingchok · 29/09/2017 06:13

On her own FB page? I wouldn't have commented no matter how I felt about it.

I'm going through secondary infertility meaning I know how hard work it is to have children and yet I am still desperate for another. I don't for a moment blame people for having multiple kids but when they moan about them fighting, it's hard not to wish I had sibling rivalry to deal with and not the very real possibility that my child will remain an only. Not something I would rant about on my Facebook because as one of three I do know the misery sibling rivalry can cause - but yes, it hurts. If I hadn't even one child, it would hurt even more.

PhelanGood · 29/09/2017 07:27

Why do some people on mumsnet often take such glee in insulting people's entire characters on the basis of one topic or post? A non bitch can act bitchy on occasion. We all have, on a bad pmt day or week, or when feeling defensive. And people chucking round personal insults on mumsnet would make anyone defensive. Criticise the action, not the woman !

Judgey smug rant that proves what an beyond-redemption knobhead I am, over

The OP sure wasn't wrong when she said us parents get enough judging as it is!

Liadain · 29/09/2017 07:34

She doubled down on it on this thread and described the woman as a girl who spends her weekends out getting hammered. If she hadnt done that, I think a lot of people would have been gentler. As it is, she comes across as snide, judgy, point scoring and just a regular aul bitch.

Swipe left for the next trending thread