Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 28/09/2017 18:24

FB imo, is not the place to debate unless someone actually asks you to.

I would pull someone up on something if it was awful; think racism etc but for something like that? No. It's their FB wall. It is not MN or another debate site. You do not have to debate or challenge FB posts you don't agree with. It's basically like an online diary for people to share shit. If they piss you off unfollow. Not everything that pisses you off needs challenging.

Theonlywayis · 28/09/2017 18:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Evita10 · 28/09/2017 18:29

No you weren't. I agree with your comments as a parent I feel the pressure too.

LilyMcClellan · 28/09/2017 18:33

So you hardly know her and haven't seen her for ages... why did you take her post so personally? Do you moan about your kids a lot on Facebook? Because that's tedious for everyone, not just people struggling with infertility.

welshbutenglish · 28/09/2017 18:34

Yes YABU - she a girls you used to work with - why do you give a toss what she thinks and why did you take it so personally? Scroll on! Along with all the hash tagging, up there with my top reasons to hate Facebook!

welshbutenglish · 28/09/2017 18:35

Ha ha Lily we posted at the same time! Smile

ManOfKent · 28/09/2017 18:46

Maybe you were, but unintentionally.

Buy her some service station flowers and go knock on her door and apologise if she was upset at your response - she sounds like she needs a friend and a hug.

DIYandEatCake · 28/09/2017 18:50

I felt exactly the same as her when we were struggling to have a baby. Now I am a parent I of course know that sometimes it's bloody hard work - but having seen things from the other side I never moan about my children on Facebook (for their sakes too, when they're big enough to be on Facebook). I think unless you've been on either side it's impossible to understand how the other feels. Maybe messaging her with an apology for the words you said without thinking, and asking how she's doing, might be a nice idea.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 28/09/2017 18:58

You know the answer to your question. You have no idea how she feels. Best to ignore that kind of comment. Obviously she was having a hard day.

EarlGreyT · 28/09/2017 19:16

Yes you were a bitch. With each update you're sounding worse and worse.

Her post was a general moan, your response was a personal attack to someone who is clearly struggling.

I speak as someone with severe PND and anxiety, a few months ago I would have read that post, thought it was an attack on me and have felt like complete shit.
Try getting some empathy. The above is basically what you've done to her and your post was an attack on her. Well done.

Oh and by the way you clearly have no idea what it's like to be suffering with infertility so don't even try to pretend you do.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 28/09/2017 19:20

OP you just wrote the truth. People don't like the truth.

my daughter is 6 she drives me insane sometimes I have to step out and take 5 in the kitchen but I wouldn't change her for the world!!

berni140 · 28/09/2017 19:22

On both sides here, maybe she was having an awful time at a stage where she's going through hell, but maybe she needed to hear that other people have a right to be upset and moan too, it could even have woken her up a bit to the outside world. You obviously weren't having the best day ever so Im sure she'll recognise that. That being said Id probably say sorry, that you were ranting and is she okay. I do see your point by the by, people assume that when you have kids either you've made your bed now lie in it or you should count yourself lucky. She does sound like she needs to talk though ...

catswhiskers15 · 28/09/2017 19:23

Spiteful, nasty and selfserving. Hope you enjoyed your victory. Perhaps the poor girl had just another failed ivf or miscarried and was perhaps venting in the only way she knew how? You could have scrolled past but you took an opportunity to stick the knife in. If you dont care that you were being a bitch, why post on here looking for support for your petty nastiness?

lcl · 28/09/2017 19:25

Fb had run its course for this very reason. Brings out the worst in many people. I think you overstepped the mark because she is struggling to have a child which I reckon must be one of the toughest and saddest things that can happen to a man or a woman who so badly wants children.

lizziejs · 28/09/2017 19:28

I think it was pretty mean.

Mittens1969 · 28/09/2017 19:33

If parents are allowed to have a rant about their children, which can be very annoying at times, then people like this Facebook friend of yours are allowed to have a rant as well.

Lovingit81 · 28/09/2017 19:39

I don't think you were a bitch. She voiced an opinion on a site like FB and she should expect a response. I know where your coming from...parenting is bloody hard and just because she can't have children doesn't mean she gets to say stuff like that and not expect a response. However, it might be a lesson that FB is not the place for it in future. I would just ignore her.

Tainbri · 28/09/2017 19:43

Next time button your beak. Bitch no, but insensitive cow yes. Lean from it and move on.

Eveforever · 28/09/2017 19:48

I don't think she was really being judgemental, she was simply articulating how upsetting it is for her to hear people complain about their children (not to mention completely insensitive if they know about her fertility issues), and you made it all about your feelings. Great job. I'm sure she knows that people complain about their children and still love them to bits. Many people think children are the most important part of their lives and she can't have any. A more appropriate response may have been to say something along the lines that although all parents complain about their children at some point, because they are hard work, they do love them to bits and you are sorry for her fertility issues. Or, you know, do what you did, get all pissy and kick her when she's down.

TommyJoesMummy · 28/09/2017 19:53

She said her piece on a public place in want of a response. You said yours. There's no real victory, other than both points of view have been deleted, and you've both had something to consider.
If she needs to vent or be comforted, she could be private about it, talk to those close to her, or talk allowed to a mirror (if she hasn't anyone appropriate-like I've done before). Good tension release and passing of thoughts without anyone judging or remembering! Grin
Tbh, Facebook-she wanted likes and attention, and didn't expect anyone to date offer up a different view after pointing out she was struggling to have kids in her post

Rocketbuddies · 28/09/2017 19:55

I don't think OP was insensitive. It is just the way of the world that some are more fortunate than others.

Whatever you say about anything will be insensitive to someone, but people will only pick up on it when it affects them, my child was born with a disability and sometimes when I hear other mums talk about aspects of their DCs lives that I would swap for an instant to have a 'healthy' child it does make me get that jealous/sad twinge. Are they insensitive, no I am just more sensitive to those comments.

Thisisnotreallymyname · 28/09/2017 20:04

Yes you were, she'd give anything to be in your shoes. Have some empathy and count to 10 before you post x

TommyJoesMummy · 28/09/2017 20:12

And missed this off... If she were an actual friend or someone you liked, I'd privately message her to apologise if the response had sounded heartless towards her , as opposed to just being a response on judginess. If not, what's the point in having each other on a 'friends page'?

claireyjs · 28/09/2017 20:37

Total f*ing bitch in my opinion. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hope your kids don't grow up so nasty as you!

MickyJ67 · 28/09/2017 20:49

Freedom of Speech. Let the woman say her piece all good and well,If it hurts your gentle sense-abilities So go hug ur kids if ur feeling upset and Simply count ur blessing . Why ud feel victorious that this woman felt so bad she took off her post I'm not sure However Imagine a life without children and see if that compares.