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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want a holiday without flying?

108 replies

Springersrock · 27/09/2017 09:15

I'm terrified of flying - I'm really claustrophobic and the thought of being trapped in a plane terrifies me (yes, I've tried the fear of flying courses, etc, etc)

I usually get medication from my doctor and force myself, however, I never really enjoy holidays as I'm really anxious in the weeks leading up to the holiday and spend the whole time I'm away shitting myself about the flight home.

We're talking about next years holiday and I mentioned that this year I'd like to go somewhere we can drive/ferry to. That I'd like to look forward to and enjoy a holiday

This is really selfish apparently. DH and the kids want to go to Ibiza again and the whole family shouldn't have to miss out because of me.

I'm really pissed off with them all. Just one year is all I'm asking for. There are lots of lovely places we can drive to, AIBU to think I'm not really asking for much

OP posts:
Nicksarah · 27/09/2017 09:19

I'm th same. I hate flying. So we only do drive holidays. We go to Disneyland Paris we go to Spain we go to France it's all easy to get to TVs in the back for the kids and will usually have one hotel stop off before we reach our destination. My kids love it because it's a mini holiday before we get there and you get to see so much more of the country you're visiting I highly recommend drive holidays

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/09/2017 09:20

You go to Ibiza every year? That sounds a bit boring.

You could sail from the South Coast to Northern Spain or France. Take the car and sleep over.

Travel from Hull to Scandinavia.

Dover to France on the car ferry is super cheap relative to flights. And quick.

How old are your kids?

juneau · 27/09/2017 09:22

You can get to Ibiza without flying - would they be up for that? You can take the train to Barcelona and then the ferry. Wouldn't that be an adventure in itself?

But no, YANBU. If it terrifies you that much then I'm impressed that you usually agree to fly. The fairest thing would be for holidays to alternate between a flying one and a non-flying one. Alternatively, would you be prepared to travel separately, so DH flies with kids and you have a nice, civilised rail journey and meet them there?

Original poster
Springersrock · 27/09/2017 09:22

No, we don't go to Ibiza every year. We went this year and they all loved it and wanted to go back again next year.

The kids are 16 and 13.

I've found loads of lovely holidays that are drivable so I don't think I'm suggesting anything too terrible

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 27/09/2017 09:22

Eurostar and TGV to south of France, Annecy, Biarritz.
Boat on Canal du midi, or Brittany.
So much to do that isn't flying.

52FestiveRoad · 27/09/2017 09:25

Ibiza again If you have already done Ibiza then isn't it time to try somewhere else? Mainland Spain can be reached easily by ferry. I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think your DH is being selfish by not taking your wishes into account.

specialsubject · 27/09/2017 09:26

So they fly to Ibiza and you get train and ferry. Non problem.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/09/2017 09:27

YANBU. There's so much available within train and driving distance, or by ferry. They are being incredibly selfish in trying to make you do something that terrifies you, and they are failing to give you credit for having done it already for their benefit.

And your kids aren't "missing out" - that's just daft drama. You aren't banning them from having a holiday, just proposing an alternative holiday, which one they'd got over the sulks they'd also enjoy.

wifeyhun · 27/09/2017 09:27

I really hate flying so we get the ferry to Spain and then the whole of Spain or Portugal is accessible really.

Fortunately for me, this is something the whole family enjoys doing.

Branleuse · 27/09/2017 09:28

id go somewhere in france or spain where you can get the ferry/train/drive to.

2014newme · 27/09/2017 09:28

Go on a cruise

PNGirl · 27/09/2017 09:29

It depends - if what you as a family want is lovely hot Mediterranean weather, beach, sunbeds, ice-creams etc then I understand them not wanting to go on a Northern Europe city break by ferry as some have suggested. Places like the South of France are also more expensive than Spain for families as a rule. However, there's no reason you can't travel down by train to Barcelona and ferry across, either with or without them.

Peanutbuttercheese · 27/09/2017 09:29

I hate flying though I have flown a lot. This year we went on a cruise, had a really lovely time. I really liked not having to fret about flying.

DancesWithOtters · 27/09/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mogulfield · 27/09/2017 09:30

I had an ear infection so bad I wasn't allowed to fly back from Mallorca and got the Ibiza ferry, train across Spain and France, Eurostar then home. It was less than 24 hours and a little adventure!

JigglyTuff · 27/09/2017 09:30

Get the Eurostar to Marseille and hire a car there. No slower than flying

Lweji · 27/09/2017 09:32

I'd be tempted to tell them to go to Ibiza and I'd have a train holiday around mainland Europe.

GoodMorning1 · 27/09/2017 09:35

Ibiza overland is v doable. As a pp said get train to Barcelona then ferry. Or, from Barcelona continue on the train to Valencia and get the ferry from there. Either way, you can spend a few hours exploring Paris/Barcelona/Valencia and still have time in Ibiza. It's like several holidays in one!

Original poster
Springersrock · 27/09/2017 09:40

Thanks!

I didn't realise the trip to Ibiza was that quick. They won't do it, but I can meet them there.

I've suggested South of France, and places like that a friend of ours drives to Spain every year and stop off a few nights on the way there and back and say it's great but my lot don't want the long drive.

We've never been to Scotland, or Ireland - loads of places in the UK we've never been to - OK, the weather isn't always great, but just one year?

They all like somewhere hot, a villa, pool, beaches, etc and we've done Ibiza/Mallorca/Crete, etc, etc and they are all lovely and I've coped, just about, with the short flights but I just want to do something different next year.

It's pissed me right off that they've called me selfish - I've put myself through it for years for their benefit

OP posts:
bumblingbovine49 · 27/09/2017 09:40

Will you do all the driving? I personally hate hate hate holidays with lots of driving, I don' t find them them fun, just tiring and a bit boring (particularly since I do the vast majority of the driving). I also worry a bit about the (much bigger than for flying ) potential for accidents, particularly when driving abroad etc.

DH on the othe hand hates flying. In the very early days of meeting DH suggested we go on driving holiday of France (He knew I liked holidays abroad, whereas he had rarely been abroad). I told him that was not gonna happen as at that time he didn't even have a driving licence, so I would be spending my whole holiday driving.In the end we went to Greece for a week (he took medication and gritted his teeth) and he sort of was OK but he was abit anxious for the whole week really .

We have holidayed abroad over the years but over 18 years together, and even more so in the 13 years since DS was born , we have gradually stopped flying abroad on holidays. In the end I realised that DH doesn't enjoy the holidays because of the anxiety before each flight and more and more this started to spoils the holiday me as well.
Also I have a DS that isn't keen on holidays generally (he likes home). so it does not seem worth it. I still refuse to do very long driving holidays though. Although DH did learn to drive and it is shared more, he is less confident driving so I still do more of it and I find it tiring and not relaxing.

Unfortunately this had led to holidays being a real problem. I am sick of holidays to somewhere that is no more than 5-6 hours of driving (usually in the UK or somewhere in Northern France) and am resenting the fact that if I push things we go on a holiday that neither DS nor DH enjoy, leaving me less than thrilled with holiday as well .

TBH it is an intractable probloem in our marriage and one I live with but it causes me quite a bit of resentment, around holiday time. If you come up with a solution that works for everyone - please do let me know

Really sorry not to have more advice

bumblingbovine49 · 27/09/2017 09:44

BTW. One year (before DS was born). DH travelled by train and I flew. It wasn't the perfect solution for various reasons but it worked OK and DH was definitely more relaxes on the holiday. When DS grows up a bit more we may go back to doing that . Occasinally I might get the train as well but generally I dislike the process of travellign so an aeroplane works for me as it is as quick as it possibly can be,

CruCru · 27/09/2017 09:46

Someone I know talks often about what great holidays cruises are, partly because there are activities for kids of lots of different ages. You could get a cruise to the med from Southampton?

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 27/09/2017 09:51

We love a Med cruise, so much to do, and not tacky at all!
I'm a bad flyer so we get the train to the south of France, or to Barcelona or the ferry to Bilbao. So many places to go without flying. We have had some lovely villas in the south of France.

MarmaladeIsMyJam · 27/09/2017 09:53

Bumbling why can't you get the train somewhere?

CotswoldStrife · 27/09/2017 09:59

I was just thinking the same as Marmalade, why don't you get the train bumbling? Why does it have to be either flying or driving?! The Eurostar is your friend here.

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